I always try to plan something to do for the anniversary dates. The first year it was a massage. This past year would've been our 30th. I planned ahead to have a nice dinner with a good friend. Somehow having something to do takes a little bit of the sting out of it. The first anniversary after the separation is likely the hardest. Accept the feelings as they come, but don't wallow in them. Do something fun for yourself or with a friend/family member.

Trying, I'm sorry for your sadness. The early days and months - and especially special occasions such as an anniversary - are very, very hard. I've been there, we've ALL been there. You're not alone!
It's good you posted - that's why we're all here,to have someone to listen and just share in the pain....maybe share some words of comfort.
It WILL get easier, I promise you! It truly will get easier. Just take it day by day for now, and take some of the steps that will make your healing journey easier.....therapy, support groups, friendships. Keep busy, but also....rest you mind and body too! All the emotional pain takes a toll on our bodies too, I truly believe that!
East well, try to get some exercise, do some walking and deep breathing (yogic breathing is fantastic for the body and soul...google it!) all of these help! Be gentle on yourself...give yourself a break.
Glad you posted

Tryingto,
So sorry that you are hurting. I agree with Moscato doing something will probably help. I had to deal with the same thing shortly after we separated. It was hard but I did change everything up. Things I would have normally done on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, and the Anniversary... I totally changed. Made new traditions for me and the kids. I can't say he didn't still cross my mind, cause he did but being out and having things to do certainly did help a lot. I tried to treat my anniversary like it was just another day and saw a movie with my kids I made sure it was action packed so that it would keep my attention and not about relationships. before I knew it the day was over and I realized I had made it through it. This all sucks and hurts so bad, but you will be okay. You will get through this. I still haven't made it through all of the firsts without him but I am getting close. I suspect next go around with holidays, birthdays, and the anniversary, will be much easier. Sending you Hugs Praying for all the strength and comfor you need to face the day. xoxo

When you are really busy you don't have time to think about birthdays or anniversaries. When those dates creep into my thoughts I get busy.

I work at home and try to set my own schedule that can change rapidly. Not everyone can do that. Preplan for those events you know will be in your thoughts. The first few years will be hard but I can tell you that your life will get better as you make new memories.

Hi Tringto,

I'm sorry that you have to go through this ............... it's hard ..no doubt !
I've been there .
This month will be 7 years ago that my x left me for someone else after 38 years of marriage
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I know the feelinng.
I think back those early years after she left on all anniversaries .... I kept busy and that helped somewhat.
Now 7 years later........ it doesn't bother me much... .....Oh, sometimes I think about how it could have been had she not left,,,,,,,,,, doesn't do me any good ......
It just takes time my friend..
Timeman

Once I had discovered my ex was cheating AND executed financial covert tactics, I didn't give a hoot about being sentimental about upcoming anniversary nor worried myself with thoughts of "what could have". On the contrary, I was thinking more of "Oh no, he didn't" which took me into No Man's Land of plotting retaliation [and getting myself jailed] , so I sought rather a tangible intervention...distraction.

Your goal is to contain the severity of emotional injury with healthy distraction. What best way as everyone has stated, is activity. Movement is your medicine. Think of it as your emergency triage.

Sorry for your pain! I remember being there, and all I could do was cry and swear myself through it.
Being insanely busy helps-I volunteered for everything I could find.
Please know we are thinking of you

I agree. Schedule something fun and don't chicken out. It's better than sitting around thinking on it. After my divorce, I started having UN-anniversaries. They go by now without much thought. But we didn't really celebrate them before so I think that helped (((HUGS))

Correction: [and possibly getting myself jailed]. It's not my forteit. Whew!!! I didn't have the courage to face any girls 6 feet tall who went by the name of Tommy or James!

As everyone else said, taking care of yourself is the number one priority now. One day at a time is all we can handle at times. Hugs

Awww I'm sorry. There will be lots of "firsts" this year or so. Even after that - but you'll make it. I know it feels like you won't - but believe me you will and you will be so proud of your strength when all of this is behind you - you'll find a newness of yourself. It's hard, but lots of us have gone through it to come out happier in the end. Or at the very least, are on our way to being happier (((Hugs)))

I reckon it's important to allow the emotions to come out, so I'd give myself some time to be sad and remember things, then I'd have something ready to do for the rest of the day. Arrange to do something with a friend or relative, or visit a neighbour. Do something for someone else, maybe.

KRK is right. The firsts are the hardest, and after that you'll be less attached to your old life, finding your way forward.

I am 6 years out this year and just realised our anniversary is in a couple of weeks. Have not given it a thought and have no painful feelings now that I've remembered. You'll be like this eventually, too. Meanwhile, be kind to yourself. It's ok to be sad and regret what 's happened. Allow your sadness and it will pass eventually.

love and hugs
kamary