We have one more day in Florida and then we head back home. I wonder what will happen once I get back. Will my husband file for divorce, will he expect me to since I told him I was going to, will he have taken this week alone and reflected on his loss and his actions. I really don't know what to expect. I haven't received any encouragement from him at all. No talks about trying to work it out, no sentimental gestures, nothing. But part of me (probably the part that is in denial) still believes there is a chance. My gut tells me to hang in there and not give up the fight. I told him I was going to file for divorce when we got back from Florida, but I decided not to. I don't want the divorce so why would I file. If he wants it, he'll have to be the one to tell me and file. Then I'll take the action I need to protect myself. He hasn't come right out and said he wants a divorce and he hasn't filed yet but he did tell me "he's not in a rush to come home". Maybe that is his way of telling me he wants a divorce without trying to hurt me even more. I can only speculate. Since he won't talk to me about ideas, thoughts and feelings, I can only speculate about a lot of things. When I think back on it all, I know now that he never did open up to me about his feelings. Thats why were in this mess to begin with. He kept it all inside and made his plans and then when it was too late, I was told the infamous words "I'm not in love with you anymore". I'm not looking forward to the drive home and I'm afraid of what comes next with me and my husband. Next week could be the beginning of the end for all I know. I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.
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