nohappy I would be glad he doesn't contact your sons. They are better off not having contact with an N even if he is their father. Most of them are not good father material. They don't believe in being accountable so they don't really do a lot except mess up schedules and (like my ex) be a playmate instead of the father they should have been. Yes, he heard you because he wanted to cut ties and run.

Is xsl ex sister-in-law? If you're wanting to call her to complain about her brother...don't. It's not likely going to make ANY difference. Whether she agrees with you or not it won't affect the situation of your ex being a total ass of a father, right?

If you need to unload some of your upset, do it here, call a friend etc. Going through his family will not accomplish anything. I get that there's likely a strong urge to let 'his people' know what a louse he is, but my guess is that they likely know that already!

Live, Love and Laugh. That is what I would do. Flourish and be happy. Live your life the way you want. Do what you want when you want and do not schedule things around him. He is not worth it. He made his choice and now he can face the consequences. All by himself.

You can't make anything happen for them as far as he's concerned - don't give in to the temptation to call. It's not worth it. I know it's old patterns coming back, but you can break them. It's hard, and they do come back here and there, but your doing fine! Good girl - keep on fighting...

I am afraid he can't get the crown for being king of the narcissists--there are too many qualified candidates ahead of him in line, my ex included.

There is nothing you can do about the choices he makes. And I agree with the others--don't call to vent about him. That has a way of turning around and biting you in the butt.

When my step-daughter complains about her dad, I just provide a listening ear but I am careful not to advise too much (I usually tell her things like "I'm sorry" and "All you can do is do what you think is right"--I know, not much useful advice). I am careful around ex's family too--you never know when something you say is going to come back on you.

Sending hugs!

My ex did not have contact with our adult children for the entire time of the divorce, over two years, it was really hard on our daughter. I could not believe it!
There was nothing i could do about it, it was a awful time.

I feel for you. Yesterday out of the blue, I get a text while at work from x wanting to know if he could get some stuff out of the garage. I had to text back to ask what time. He texted back the time and I knew that I was going to make other arrangements so I wouldn't have to be here. Before I could even make any calls, on my way home from work he texts and has the audacity to ask if I will come pick him up from where he is parked for the night. I was SHOCKED!!! I mean WHAT?? I didn't even respond to anymore of the calls or the texts and had my soninlaw go get him and bring him over here and me and my daughter left.
My daughter is still having a real hard time. Yesterday she says, "I guess he didn't want me in the first place"
Howcome he doesn't try harder? I told her that he is who he is and he does things his way which doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care about you - it is just his way of interpreting things to his benefit.
I don't know what I can tell her to help her out. Now she is thinking that it is her fault he is being a dick because she made the decision to join the NAVY. I told her DON't you EVER think like that. I told her that this would have happened the same even if she didn't. It wouldn't have mattered who did or didn't do what. But--- she is still very affected by what he does. She freaks every time he calls her cell - she doesn't answer. I don't know what it is with these guys. She doesn't think he is trying hard enough to keep her in his life. How do I tell her that is probably true.??

No contact is a good idea. My jerk of an ex won't return my adult son's calls. Alex tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer the telephone. His reason? Alex "hurt his feelings". Who's the three year old here who is taking his marbles and going home?

oops! first I just had urge to call xsinl cause she had major health problems bout 6 months ago (hmm I think its been that long since we talked on fb) and I was in caring mood. I dont talk about stbx to her either (it's his brother and wife) but then again I guess they never call to check on me so tit for tat.
as for as MY sons. (yes hes basically forgotten them) I let them handle whatever way they seem to handle it. They have heard nothing, except text christmas day, from him. I don't encourage it but I want them happy and this is their way. As for his daughters one of them (again there r 5) called me this morning to tell me she had gotten text. well, actually he was texting someone else and sent to her instead. prob his ho. when she responded he gave some generic text back then ignored her. she is the one who told him to "f" off. Again I tell them sorry but they have to handle him as they deem fit also. I will talk to them of anything but him. I do have 12 step grandchildren in florida. If they bring him up I just say "sorry he's like that but you can't change him. He is what he is" then we chat about other things.
My life is so much better. I thank this group so much for their input. Family listens to me as do my friends but few can understand the depth of pain or heartache an x can inflict like this group. thanks for the support and all the hugs.
luv to all of ya <3