He probably is waiting so that he doesn't have to give you any money yet. Is there anything that the attorney could do?

Chrissy: My stbx is doing the same thing. He offered a ridiculously low offer that almost gave me a heart attack. I countered with what is legal and right in my state. He said no. We went to pretrial and the judge said what she thinks she would do IF we go to trial. I agreed with it.
He did too.

After that there are many small things to iron out. I asked my attorney at pretrial if I should meet with stbx alone or with him. He said all four of us. I had him write his attorney immediately to schedule the meeting to finish it. It's been 5 or 6 weeks and they have not responded.

He is calling my sil to tell her that I am dragging out this divorce. She has to talk to him since she is also our realtor. She's the only one in my family that will talk to him and he is blaming me for the divorce taking so long.

You should consider sending stbx an email saying per our conversation on such and such date and then give details on what you talked about. There's a good chance he will deny ever talking to you. Have everything in writing.

Good luck. This is such a pain in the ass.

Actually he's probably paying more now with all the bills than he would if he just pays me spousal support so it is to his benefit to move it along. Because of this I don't know what's holding him up.

I wouldn't do anything then. The balls in his court.

Oh how I remember. They almost all want this over as soon as possible, statement number one. This is about that they can not handle this and they think the sooner the better and then they will feel better....good luck with that. Mine was so not good negotiating, I did the houses, the cars, everything for 26 years and he also does not like the law... he kept saying I know its the law, but why should you get anything, I EARNED it all...yeah keep talking like that, that should work well in court.

This information is cobbled together from therapist, lawyer and friends who had been through this. And me!

They all low ball the offers, remember the first rule of a money negotiation is you can always go up in price, you never can go back down..



Are you sure that he really wants to get divorced? It does not sound like it. I always swore I was not going to do it for him, as I knew that is what he wanted and we ended up filing jointly, and that was a stratgey to keep away from a lawyer until we figured out what to do. Sometimes , time is on your side. I also got more money in the 10 months when he moved out and that is how long it took for the divorce. I was also on the health insurance for that time, he had to pay the property taxes on the house etc. Being in hurry is not always the best. IT also gives you a chance to organize and recoup and figure out what to do, emotionally and stratgetically... and I am too tired and no spell check on here. Hope this helps!

Do you think he's still going to continue this without attorney representation? His attorney may be telling him that it would be in his best interest to retain one. I don't know your financial situation or the agreement that you've made with your stbx. It would be wonderful to resolve this on your own if you can. It can be done. Depending on what's involved (both financially and emotionally) sometimes it's just a very hard thing to do. I wish just once - my stbx would have agreed to something - WITH attorneys involved! I can't even imagine where we would be without them. I'd probably be living in a tent, dragging a garbage bag of my belongings....pitiful, huh? After 37 years!!!

My stbx says the same about ME dragging this on. Maybe it's a book they read about "how to be a jerk and look good at face value"! He doesn't comply with the courts requests for information - the information he supplies is inadequate. Twice they have told him that he's wasting the courts time. BUT - of course - it's me who's dragging here. ?#^??

I hope that you hear something soon. At least to get your nerves back in check. Good luck to you now and always. LOL

I know this sounds sexist, and forgive me male members because you guys don't fall into that category, but most men in situations like this are lazy - sheer and plain lazy unless it brings him pleasure. I'll bet that he thinks about doing something daily, thinks he will take action, then shelves it as if done. The repeats the same thing the next day.

Chrissy, I havent done anything legal yet because my lawyer also told me I am financially way better off now (as long as he keeps paying what he is) then what I can expect from spousal support. Because of this and my emotional state, I have not started any legal action.
At first I wanted to serve him just to make him feel like I was in charge but then i took a deep breath and realized I wasnt ready (with the help of my TWO therapists).. AGAIN, as long as he keeps up what he is paying

I think your stbx is lazy and cleaning his guns is way more important!! If financially you are doing ok,maybe it is not such a bad thing to take it slow...I know I am ... until the skank pressures him to make her a wife instead of a serial family wrecking husband banger. Or until George Clooney asks me to marry him (oh God I wont wait THat long!!!)

I'm staying long enough to finish my schooling. I did ask for a divorce last week and felt so good doing so. He is still with the OW during the week and then he comes home and tries to be nice to me. Well, thats ok and yest it pisses me off because he thinks that I'm not going anywhere because I can't make it on my own. He'll find out soon enough.

I wonder if they have the attitude that avoiding the issue will just make it all go away. Or maybe it is a control thing. Or maybe we're just dealing with complete loosers. I don't why they have the opinion that their money paid for most of it so it all belongs to them.

I am going through the same thing. Got a low ball offer and a few other horrible insults to boot. He said he wants it over so we can get on with our lives, well I want it over too but I want what's fair so I can get on with my life too. That was over a month ago and not a word since. I did give him a deadline for the end of this month and suggested he talk with a lawyer so he'd have a good grip on where his offer should sit. The end of the month is near we'll see what happens........I won't hold my breath though.

I am also there. Limboland. He moved out 4 months ago. He is here every other day. Nothing is ever said about getting back or getting a lawyer. Some days it drives me crazy but it it really is to my advantage as he is paying all the bills. Also last week I was down and could not get out. He brought me groceries, ran errands, and called everyday to see if I needed anything. No one else does. So I am better off in this financially and to leave it hanging. I do not have delusion of him coming back. He probably would but I would be miserable as before when he was here as he doesn't want to work on marriage so I can't live like that anymore. I do not want to be with someone else and he is not. What does it matter if it is a divorce or legal separation or left alone? This is best for me as insurance, health and life and beneficiary of retirements. It is a compromise and unsettling but the best of a sad/bad situation. I don't know how long this will last but I am just living one day at a time. I research about divorce so I will be aware of laws if and when the time comes. I think Carol Annie says she has been in this situation for 3 years. The thing that sometimes bothers me is when I have picnics, holidays, sports with Granddaughters, every weekend when the grands come he comes. Guess he plans to be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas just as always. If a tell him I don't want him here I would feel guilty, alone, and he may stop paying so I compromise and live with it. Self preservation. Indifference. Just trying to be continent.

I've had the same situation (says he wants a divorce but doesn't do anything) for THREE YEARS!!!

He, of course, blames it on me.

I haven't done a single thing to make this last more than a day.

He filed, I've answered everything I was suppose to answer. I requested mediation three months ago, not so much because we need to mediate terms, but because nothing is happening. My attorney says he just needs to be cornered and made to sit down and do it.

I too am much better off during this prolonged transition time. About a 100x better. So, in that respect, I'm not complaining. But gee, I sure would like to know what is going on in his head. The whole thing is bizarre.

The phrase, "Poop or get off the pot" comes to mind.

OMG CarolAnnie - 3 years and all this time this has been hanging over your head. I don't think I could last that long - money coming in or not. I say that, but who knows really.

I guess I just don't get it - what the F is wrong with these men?

OMG! Three years, I could not handle that, prolonging the nasty stuff is not healthy, you need to get on with your life. It's been six months for me and that is enough which is why I made the deadline for the end of this month.

I got email tonight - he's made another offer. This one not such an insult. I have to go think........very carefully.

Yeah, it was three years on Sept. 12. I have virtually no contact with him, and what little there is, we talk via email. I haven't seen or talked to him. I am in our house and I get 88% of his (pretty darn good) take home pay. (I still pay our marital bills...just like we were still married.) The courts almost dropped the divorce action because nothing had happened with it. His attorney got an extension, but that is about to expire. He's made me two offers, and the last one was so far off from what he said in an email that he was having sent to me, that I had my attorney request a sit down. That was months ago. I haven't heard a thing. It is weird. I have no idea what is going on with him. He lives at his mother's. From the looks of things, that's working out pretty well for him. LOL

He has no contact with our children, but he does see our grandson. Our oldest son got married two years ago and our daughter is getting married in two weeks. He didn't come. Not that the kids want him at their weddings. I can't imagine how painful it must be for him, on their wedding days. Our son's wedding was out of state, and while I was gone, he came over and worked on the house.

I will never understand it, or him, for that matter.

I try to pretend that it doesn't really matter, but everyone that knows me says that this hellish limbo has not been good for me. I guess they are right, because after all of this time, I still hope he'll change his mind. I guess I haven't really moved on at all. But, I love him and I hope he comes to his senses. He's lost everything, including his children, and I keep thinking he'll see that there's really nothing better "out there."

Sadly, I must admit that in spite of what he's done to me and our family, I love him so much and I pray every day for a miracle and that his heart will be touched with the realization of what he is losing and a renewed sense of love for me and our life together. I feel that my love for him is embedded in the cells of my body, runs through the blood in my veins, and it will be there until the day I die. I pray for a miracle.