Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I just got off the phone with my mom. I guess I was the subject of conversation this past weekend at her house. Only ones attending this conversation were mom, dad, brother and SIL (last 2 visiting from Virginia) Dear brother told them how he had "unfriended" exass from his fb. Ok, I am happy about that. Couldn't just leave it at that though. He supposedly (heard from mom) said I need to "get over" him and move on. Don't let him upset me. Don't concern myself with him.
WHAT?
I could care less about exass. I just care about the alimony. Hope that doesn't sound self-centered. I do things every day without thinking about him. I don't live my life wondering about him. I know what measures to take if he doesn't follow through and so far I haven't had to make them.
What set the "thinking" process off again is I found his address listed as one of my addresses on my credit report. When I tried to access the report, I evidently failed the security questions. They were about mortgage obtained in my name in 2012 and credit card obtained in 2013. I did neither. He, however, did. I had obtained a credit report prior to divorce and made sure all corrections were made then. The new address was added after that. I did see at that time that he had used our "joint" credit for mortgage inquiry. It was listed on mine. Now in order to see a paper report they want me to send verification in about 10 different forms. I will not send these important document copies in the mail. I emailed them and asked for alternate suggestion but have gotten no response. Now what?
Then a comment was made as to the exass and my sons being "even" because the sons do not speak to him. Even? In what sense? They choose this. Not me. I/we do NOT talk about him. They are 28/26 years old. They haven't seen him since June 10, 2013, the day of divorce. I do not talk down to them about him. I do in my mind though! lmao
I haven't dated. I do do things I like. I do go out with friends. I enjoy quiet time too. But I don't use that time to think of him or wonder. 29 years was a long, long time. But it is my past. Just that right now. My past.
So from the little some of you know about me what is your opinion? Good or bad I can take it. Just making sure I'm still doing right.
WHAT?
I could care less about exass. I just care about the alimony. Hope that doesn't sound self-centered. I do things every day without thinking about him. I don't live my life wondering about him. I know what measures to take if he doesn't follow through and so far I haven't had to make them.
What set the "thinking" process off again is I found his address listed as one of my addresses on my credit report. When I tried to access the report, I evidently failed the security questions. They were about mortgage obtained in my name in 2012 and credit card obtained in 2013. I did neither. He, however, did. I had obtained a credit report prior to divorce and made sure all corrections were made then. The new address was added after that. I did see at that time that he had used our "joint" credit for mortgage inquiry. It was listed on mine. Now in order to see a paper report they want me to send verification in about 10 different forms. I will not send these important document copies in the mail. I emailed them and asked for alternate suggestion but have gotten no response. Now what?
Then a comment was made as to the exass and my sons being "even" because the sons do not speak to him. Even? In what sense? They choose this. Not me. I/we do NOT talk about him. They are 28/26 years old. They haven't seen him since June 10, 2013, the day of divorce. I do not talk down to them about him. I do in my mind though! lmao
I haven't dated. I do do things I like. I do go out with friends. I enjoy quiet time too. But I don't use that time to think of him or wonder. 29 years was a long, long time. But it is my past. Just that right now. My past.
So from the little some of you know about me what is your opinion? Good or bad I can take it. Just making sure I'm still doing right.
As far as the credit report, I would only be concerned if he has any credit in my name. It's safe to send the forms in the mail. Send them certified.
As to "just caring about the alimony" that's where your priority belongs. Settlement at divorce is a business deal -- probably the biggest one in your lifetime. It's vital that you keep tabs on it and NOT let him slide. In 6 years, the X was only a couple of days late ONCE. He knew better than to try that crap again. I made him toe the line and was glad of it.
Other than that, I would either let what my family blathered on about slide, or, if I felt it was out of line, respectfully ask they leave my wasband out of the gossip columns. I've asked them not to run him down around me, don't feel it's right to bad mouth people, but when they get together, I know they crab about him to each other, and that's up to them, doesn't hurt me.
Good luck with the paperwork, and sending it certified would be the way to go.
I had to do that on a few items in my credit report. My score went up when those items were removed. Send the information in by certified mail.
Did you check all three credit reports? If not you can try another one online and see what you get.
And it is better that way. I told her she did not have to be the inbetween but she feels sorry for the 84 Y/O guy.
She was there at times seeing all the crap he put me through and him telling her at one time to never come back again. She is too soft on him.
As long as he leaves me alone I am OK with life.
I feel like I am starting to be my own person. I still have some down times but life can't be perfect all the time,
I just want to be in control of my destiny----God and I.
I see that most people on here seem to be getting their lives togather. It is not easy but well worth the time and trouble to get here.