Again, has been a long time since I posted....and all I do is vent. But I just need someone who understands I guess.

After all the medial stuff I went through last year and being pushed away from my daughter, you never know what is going to happen next.

My daughter was not even marie 3 months before she filed for divorce. He had been cheating on her during their engagement, their marriage and after they were married. She is still thinking things over. He stopped drinking at least.

Our relationship got better.

A couple of weeks ago when i went in for a routine visit to make sure my Hep C was gone, the doctor surprised me with an ambulance ride to the hospital. Ever notice how paramedics are great about picking you up and taking you to the hospital? Then they leave. And I call a taxi to get home.

Anyway, I had suffered a small stroke. It was a little bit more serious then a TIA since it lasted over 1 week. I was in the hospital for 3 days and had every test known to man. I have no real lasting damage thank God. But I was told to expect another stroke within 1 year that will probably be worse. He said 2 of 3 people have a big stroke in that time frame and 1 in 4 die. I do not smoke, drink, do drugs, am underweight, do not drink cafeine, do not use salt, have low bp, no heart trouble. I am as low on the risk scale as you can get except for one thing. STRESS

I have PTSD and my stress level has been extremely high since my abusive marriage and divorce after 30 years. He still stresses me out, not paying support, never knowing if I can pay rent on time. I just started SS and get  $1058/month. In Calif that won't even pay rent on a studio apartment. My ex stopped spousal support but it is so stressful to take him to court again. I want to relax and enjoy what might be a short life ahead instead of living in stress. I am 66.....so this is what happens after 30 years of marriage. I didn't tell my ex because he would love to increase my stress level and get my life insurance. It would make him happy.

So, if you are around my age, knowing your life might not last as long as you thought, how would you like to live the next year of it? What would you do? I was thinking of spending the money I saved, trying to make it last another 5 years, but am thinking maybe I should go ahead and do things while I am still healthy. Spend my money and enjoy it. What do you think?????