Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
U no what im so pissed off with hearing from my ex and otheres i read on here how so unhappy they are and we dont see it, surely like me your all been married for a long time and u no there little signs and i can tell u i would have none if my ex was unhappy.He told me last night "ive been unhappy for 3 years and u did nothing"well hello if i had i would have done somin.I think they have to say that cos there so wrapped up in there own little perfectic world now with there little tarts doing everything they say and they cant face the truth if it slapped them round the face GOD I HATE MY EX SO MUCH at the moment.sorry if i sound like i got the hump he winds me up so much with his fill sorry for me thing.
It's just like the other oft used reason. "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." Yeah, well as far as I'm concerned, love is an action verb and it is a CHOICE.
So, everyone, please don't accept blame for your ex / stbx's unhappiness or for falling out of love!!! It's time they are held responsible and accountable for their choices and actions.
Oh, I'm stepping down and backing away from my soapbox...
Then if they move out, to find themselves, they are happier without us!Then they get lonely.
Then when they find someone else new, then they are happy with her/him and that person makes them happy! They get to start over!
Then wait until they figure out that they are just avoiding finding out that core of why they are unhappy is really themselves. AND The other new one starts irritating them.
But then it is too late, because you are gone, half their assets are gone and its Groundhog Day! AND my favorite, if the are cheaters, guess what the chick they were cheating with either leaves or CHEATS ON THEM!
I feel better just typing this!
I have asked for at least 10 years for counseling to help with our communication. Than for the last 5 years because of his drinking and screwed up priorities. So there were signals of unhappiness but what was I supposed to do? Interrogate him? He's a big boy. He needs to speak up. He has a responsibility in the relationship. My husband's reply to that, "I didn't think it would make a difference."
Husband is so dissatisfied with himself and everybody else is paying for it. Women tend to express that sort of dissatisfaction inward. I see that men express it outwards. His wife isn't good enough. His car isn't new enough. His TV isn't a flat screen. His kids aren't doing what he thinks they should be doing with their lives (Must be that lousy mother of theirs). He gathers some new stuff and people in his life but the shiny wears off. His life is lousy because of everybody and everything around him.
GUYS! Common denominator is YOU!!!!! You don't like yourself and you are wreaking havoc in other people's lives because of it!!!!
Knowing my luck though, he'll end up happier than me. That would stink.
But I agree with SeaNymph - the feel like its our job to make them happy. Believe it or not, 2 years after I got married, his mother actually had the nerve to tell me that same advice. It's my job to make sure he's happy. Well F that, what about my happiness. I had lived alone for 11 years before I married my husband and all of a sudden I was supposed to give up my indepedence and start being a slave to a man. I don't think so. I did things for him out of love, not out of some 19th century tradition.
The thing is, he was always looking for someone like his mother, he should've known right from the start it wasn't me. I could never measure up to her saintness - no one can.
I'm pissed off today to Nancy. ARrgggggg
He used to come home off of the road and say the "king is home" his problem is that I never bowed down to him - while he was away - I worked full time, took courses and raised two kids basically by myself - his biggest problem is that I did it - I never asked him for help - and when I did - he chose to walk out and put all the blame on me.
He has a new girlfriend now - after 21 years - it's amazing how they can pickup someone new in a relatively short time frame that makes them so happy - it won't last - because he has not dealt with his issues - and I say good luck to her - if she is willing to take on his baggage she's going to need it - for now he seems to think that the grass is greener - but in reality it's just a different shade - and when things go south on this relationship when she doesn't treat him like the "king" he thinks he is - no doubt there will be someone else open for him. I know I'm better off without it.