I can relate totally!!!!! we used to go from sun up to sun down around here. Kids in sports, game nights, barbeques, always something to do. It;s so quiet around here now i'm actually having full on conversations with my dogs. Feeling un motivated I think is just another of the many emotions and feelings we are going through. Most of us have some degree of Depression. You get up and go to work your having a friend over ect... I do the same thing I work 2 jobs during the week and chase after my 10 yr old so i'm tired plain and simple. I think it's ok to have a lazy day every now and then just sit on the couch and chill. Last week end I don't think I got out of my pj's until it was time for church on Sunday around 5:00 pm. As long as I don't do that everyday or even every weekend theres something to be said for just relaxing and decompress ya know. Don't beat yourself up over it just make sure you get your motivation back eventually ok. I tell myself that I have been through a Tramatic event an actual Life changing event that caused and is still causing alot of STRESS in my life and it takes awhile to recover. I read once that Divorce is like OPEN HEART SURGERY your chest has been opened up exposing your heart and there is alot of pain would you just be expected to get right up and run around as though nothing ever happened? NO YOU NEED TIME TO HEAL BEFORE YOU CAN RETURN TO YOUR NORMAL LIFE. Take your time and don't worry about not wanting to do things sometimes it's ok.
BIG HUGS...........

For me keeping busy clearly kept me too busy to feel the pain of my marriage, Now is a time of discovery, you will need to have some quiet time in order to do this. So rest a bit.

Good job getting together with friends. That is a good habit. Keep it up.

I think it too is a normal feeling to get your grounding. And sometimes it is through this exploration -- surfing and just letting things be... so they can perculate. It's time to revisit interests, think about issues that interest you and time to examine and just let emotions be. Equally important is face time with those who care about us (I avoided people too much that's for sure -- for what reason I don't know but my therapist gave me a swift kick in the rear suggesting a better balance of face-ta-face friend contact and online). I hope your day goes wonderful tomorrow!!

Yes I agree that there is some degree of exploration involved in this process. Force yourself to get out some. Balance between relaxation, recreation and work are important.

When I was deep in the 18 Months of Hell, I worked like a devil around here (nothing new, as I had always worked my butt off around this farm) AGAINST the sage advice of my therapist. She kept telling me to "treat myself as if I were recovering from a serious injury or illness,." But my patterns were long ingrained. So I did manage to slack off sometimes and spent most of that time writing in my paper journals. This was good therapy for me, but not quite enough to start learning new behavior patterns -- in other words, I kept pushing myself beyond my physical limitations because when I was working really hard, I didn't THINK so much.

It all caught up to me not long after the divorce was finally final and I caught a hellish case of stomach virus and thought I was GOING TO DIE! I still hadn't gotten the message a year later...then I had a riding accident and everything came to a screeching halt. This was just about the same time that I had discovered DS and for the next couple of months, I found myself being a lot gentler on myself (largely because I didn't have any choice).

So don't worry about being in low gear -- it's actually a good thing. Emotional stuff can really zap your physical energy. As long as you don't find yourself sleeping all the time or deliberately staying to yourself, it's not a bad thing.

It's been 2 years since my divorce was final. I think I had literally given up on being "myself" again. Add in that one of those years I was dealing with physical pain. 6 months ago I had to have my neck fused. A few weeks ago I found myself getting excited about doing some of the stuff I used to do. Yesterday two of my co-workers were visiting and one of them made a reference to my ex. The other one looked at me and asked why in the world I married him. I answered that it seemed like a good idea at the time. I could not even remember all those gut wrenching feelings I had before and during the divorce. I find myself asking "WHO is this person?"

I read this recently...it might be helpful to you and the others.
Hugs~4changes

Anger, sadness, depression blame, and being frightened about the future are common reactions to divorce. Feelings of insecurity, betrayal, low self-esteem and disconnection can linger long after a divorce. You could go through life blaming other's for your unhappiness or you could choose to live and learn from this chapter in your life and create a new beginning. The choice is yours.

Here are some suggestions for people in the process of divorce and for those already divorced:

1. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Deal with the feelings of anger and sadness. You have a right to your own feelings. Let them out. Write about the, talk about the, scream and cry about them. Release your feelings. Take a long bath or shower and then stay in your robe all day and just be with your feelings. You have to feel to heal.

2. Understand that it takes a lot of time to recover from divorce. Healing does not happen overnight. Don't let friends or family rush you through the process. Go about your healing in your own way and at your own pace. Don't feel guilty about mourning your loss.

3. Read as much self-help material that you can. Read or listen to the same self-help book at least 6 times during a 30 day period before starting a new book. It takes that much repetition before you can actually digest and learn from the information.

4. Treat yourself often to long walks in the park, massages, movies, eating out, reading a novel, window shopping, and anything else that will make you feel pampered for an hour or so. Pamper and nurture yourself as much as possible. Do some things that you put off doing while you were married. Start taking care of yourself and your needs.

5. Seek outside help from your minister or from a counselor. Reach out to others. Let others help you through your mourning process. Talk to people that can relate and empathize.

6. Be aware of how you think and feel when you are stressed. Try to anticipate how you want to react and then do the opposite. Example: If you usually talk a lot stop and try to listen instead, if you withdraw, stop and start a conversation. It takes time to develop new behaviors. Be persistent. Stop blaming yourself or others for your unhappiness. Take responsibility for your feelings.

How can you regain a positive attitude after divorce? Try the following: Focus on the positive. Look ahead and picture a happier you. Take up new hobbies and start concentrating on happy events and create a better future through your thoughts, words and deeds.

Yorkie...I think this is normal. When I went through my 1st divorce it took me 3 months just to get out of the house. It took another 3 months just to get as far as the outer edges of my yard and to the barn. When something as earth shattering as a loved one leaving us happens... its shocking and devastating. It takes time to absorb and process our new reality. You will eventually start living again. If solitude is what you need then take it. I did. If to much time goes on then seek outside help. But dont push yourself...we all have different timelines of healing. You need to put yourself first. Big Hugs...Kathy

This is very normal.. I call it frozen. A long time ago, we had a post about all the things we used to enjoy and could not. For me and many, reading for pleasure was one. I have read since I was a young girl, and it sustained me through a lot of loss I had in my life... but somehow during the seperation and divorce, it was all meaningless. Many people responded the same for them.

Doing nothing sometimes is ok my therapist taught me. You have to find the balance and it takes time. I came here post divorce, but for some this board is an outlet and addiction. I was alone after divorce and some of my in person support fell off. The key is to find your way with something new, and have something to look forward to also. It takes time. That is where I got the " Now is not Forever"! I also say it is not a new life, but a different one you have to figure out. My wish is all get to the part where you do thrive. Hugs

I forgot to add, that you have to make sure your lack of interest in things is not depression, and many of us did take meds during the divorce. I did, and people could not believe I would have to but I did for 6 months of so. I could not sleep either, shut my brain off at night. And like I joke all the time.. I should have been cleaning out my basement, because now I am so busy and happy, not happening. My good friend said I hate to say I told ya so.. but she was right. Make sure you do the absolute bare amount you need to at times, for the rest is good. AND we can all say go take a class, find a hobby, ya just might not feel like it. I learned that is ok also!