Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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yorkieluvr 05/28/2011

OK.. got to vent or I’m going to explode….

I contacted the stbx this morning to arrange to come get the rest of my stuff (that I’ve been trying to get for months). I’m told “today’s not a good day” because he was going to be kicking my sons friend out of the house and he needed to deal with that. So, we agree that I will come first thing tomorrow.

Now… just tonight I get a text from the stbx saying the kid JUST GOT HOME and asked me not to say anything to the kid tomorrow…. WTF??? I got put off AGAIN with THAT excuse and the kid WASN’T EVEN THERE??? My day was wasted on some deadbeat he’s allowed to move into my house and has been supporting for MONTHS – while HE’S on unemployment???….Are you f&%ing kidding me???? He must think I’m some kind of idiot…. He was probably making arrangements for the 19 yr old bimbo to be someplace else when I get there…. Or hiding a bunch of stuff he doesn’t want me to see. Gee.. I might figure out where all the money went…don’t even get me started on what I found when I pulled credit reports this morning…..

Oh I am SO angry right now…. I can’t even respond to him… and he doesn’t get why I left…. Just another example of his screwed up priorities… I feel like such a dumbass for putting up with this crap for so long….

I just want to get my stuff and never look back… You can bet I will NOT be put off any longer because it's inconvenient for someone else.

Please pray for me my friends... or maybe you should pray for HIM...

deleted_user 05/28/2011

My stbx is supposed to deliver my belongings to my sons home for me to pick up so i do not have to go to my house or see him, i decided it was better that way to prevent any violence.

It is probably better you do not respond to his text, maybe you should take a friend with you to pick up your stuff so you can hopefully stay calm.
Im sorry you are angry i know how that feels .

Hugsss

deleted_user 05/29/2011

You have every right to be angry!!!! And, yes, tomorrow go and get your things no matter what your stbx's schedule is. It's time for you to move on and that will happen once you have your things and can turn your back on this part of your life.

Be strong and know that you were being kind and thoughtful and even though he abused that you are a good person. :)

Let us know how it goes tomorrow...

CowgirlKathi 05/29/2011

I agree with LiteraryLady and iquitnow WITH ONE IMPORTANT NOTE:

Please take someone with you to retreive your belongings -- hopefully, a male. The alternative is to contact a member of your local law enforcement agency. They can't "DO" anything, but by their presence, there is less chance of a confrontation that could end badly. Hopefully, you have a list of what you are supposed to get. Take it with you.

As to the deadbeat kid and the OW, just look right through them if they are stupid enough to be there.

trisha9054 05/29/2011

If your name is on the lease or mortgage you can go at anytime to get your possessions. Kathi is right about having your local law enforcement go with you.

The sight of a uniflrm tends to keep things quiet and friendly.

drtexdi 05/29/2011

You guys took the words right out of my mouth. Please take law enforcement. It is very effective. When I got my stuff, I told the stbx and the OW and her kids to be out of the house. For the evening. They complied. I went into the house and on the window sills in the kitchen was every set of flowers (yes they were all dead) he ever gave her. I can't remember but I think there were close to 30 arrangements. To add insult to injury, I must have paid for all of those flowers! Prayer for you today!

tobywinn 05/29/2011

You are expressing the feelings of being put off and having been trivialized by your stbx. The stbx will say the damnest things. Take a "chill pill" and release the steam through us. I tell you, the better "fight" is to never, never show your vulnerability nor anger. Put on your act of being "the cool and cold queen".....it shows control.

Now, let's focus the business of getting your stuff and then run like the dickens far away from the stbx madness. Me personally, focus more on the valuables. The little stuff can be replaced. I've heard ugly court stories of spouses "breaking and entering" into THEIR homes without legal enforcement and later accused of STEALING property not "BELONGING" to them. Just a word of caution, you cannot TRUST your stbx. He may later come to bite you in the rear. It may help also to make documentation and pictures.

dairytech 05/29/2011

I would not put up with this crap. I agree with the others. If it were me...I would text or email him...so you have a paper trail...saying...I will be there as scheduled and if you are not there I will be visiting our local police station next. Now you either co-operate or we get legal. The choice is yours. As already mentioned...take a friend as a witness. Now...go get your stuff. Dont let this dumbshit screw with you any longer. Big hugs...Kathy

lycesq 05/29/2011

Kathi's right - the police will do a civil standby if you request one.

yorkieluvr 05/29/2011

Thanks so much for your support everyone.... believe it or not he was quite cooperative today. We even went thru the attic...I *think* I got everything. I sure hope so cause once he gets served I'm sure he won't be as cooperative.

The sad part.. my house is a pigsty... kids sleeping everywhere.. and get this.. the 19 yr old was there (sleeping on the floor)... he came right out and TOLD ME she had been sleeping in his bed!!!! Oh.. but "nothing happened"... yea right and I'm the Queen of England.. he's about to be 54 yrs old and messing around with a 19 yr old.. OMG..

The hardest part of all was my other two dogs that I had to leave behind.. the little one is really my sons dog, but she just whined and cried and couldn't get close enough to me.. stuck her little head on my neck and just wiggled all over she was so excited...

So, now I've got a bunch of boxes to sort through - guess it will keep me busy. We have years worth of old receipts, letters, cancelled checks, etc. He doesn't have the patience to sort thru all the papers so I brought them home... I have letters from my childhood that I afraid may be mixed in and I couldn't just tell him to put it all in the burn pit.

So, I came home with the flat bed trailer full (mostly with my 3 wheeler) and my vehicle loaded too. It's all unloaded....and now I think it might be time for lunch... LOL

KRKing911 05/30/2011

I'm so glad that everything went OK for you today. I hope you did get everything. Now you can put all of this behind you! You must be so relieved. (((hugs)))

deleted_user 05/30/2011

Glad you got your stuff back. What a hassle. I still have guns that he needs to give me per our divorce decree, other than that, everything of mine that others had is now in my possession. Now, if I could only get my mind back?.

deleted_user 05/31/2011

When my husband left our home I told him I would help him pack up his clothes and other belongings and put them in the truck for him. He said he didnt want to do it then I just wanted him gone,him and everything that reminded me of him. Instead he came back the next morning with a police officer to get his stuff. When t was a good time for me...lol Was I nice to him while the officer was there? Nope. Did I tell him exactly what i thought of him? Oh yes I did. The officer just stood there and smiled..my husband asked the officer if there was anything he could do about me...the officer said no sir im just here for u to get your belongings she can say whatever she wants...lol so that kinda backfired on my husband..lol Instead of letting me help him the night before neatly place his clothes and other crap he had in the truck...he had to pick it up off the lawn..lmao..It wasnt one of my proudest moments but I sure felt good watching him pick his clothes up off the muddy lawn.

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