Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Chrissy614 05/31/2009

How do I begin to say goodbye to this DS site and the wonderul, awesome, caring people I have met here this past year.

In the beginning, June 2008, I was on this site 20 hours a day. Typing and reading through my tears of pain. To say I wouldn't have made it without all the support and love I got here would be an understatement. The friends I made here on DS literally saved my life back then. I couldn't have made it through the days without many of you picking me up everytime I fell, and back then I was in the pit quite often.

I feel my time here on DS is done. This is a bittersweet feeling as I am sad to say goodbye, but I feel my journey has come full circle and this is a sign of how much I've healed. I am truly moving on with my life without him and I know that I am ready to stand on my own.

I have traveled this journey with many of you right from the start. You all know who you are. And I've made other friends along the way who reminded me of just how far I've come because they were just beginning this painful process of divorce. Each and everyone of you has touched my life in ways I could never explain.

I am so grateful for your support, love, words of wisdom, advice and hugs this past year. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me. Again, I couldn't have done it without you.

I may check in from time to time, read and reply to a few posts and journals, but for the most part I plan to keep moving forward and enjoying the blessings of my kids and my new life.

I will think of you often and I wish you all the best in moving forward and healing in your own personal journey. Believe me, if I can make it through the darkness and into the light, so can you.

It's a beautiful, sunny day today and it reflects what I feel in my heart right now. Time for me to go plant the new flowers that will spring eternal each and every year.

I am, and forever will be, eternally grateful to all of you,
Chrissy

CowgirlKathi 05/31/2009

You will be missed! The wisdom of your experience has been very helpful to many on these boards.
While I didn't discover DS until just about a year ago (and I was well over a year post final divorce at that point) I have continued to be a presence here because I feel that I can be helpful by example.
I can appreciate your decision, and wish you all the best.
It would be wonderful to hear from you now and again as you feel able to.
Good luck and God bless you!
kathi

deleted_user 05/31/2009

Good luck in your new life. I too feel that I have come a long way. There are a few loose ends to still tie up in my case (ie. the house) but once that is done I will have come full circle as well. God bless you.
linda

deleted_user 05/31/2009

I understand your need to move on. Many of the "originals" here are all headed in new directions and here less and less because of that, too. It's a good thing. I pray the newly wounded find the comfort and support that we have all had in the past. I don't know what I would have done without this great place and the wonderful people I have met here during my crisis. I too, was here every chance I had. I'd have coffee in the morning with so many - pemdcat frequently. Had wine in the evening and laughed so hard, I'd cry - a good cry. Shared birthdays. anniversaries, graduations, limbos, puppie problems, children ordeals, births, deaths, ends and beginnings. What a blessing to be here and share so much with so many.

I'll be around, as I know you will also, just not as often as the entire days and nights that were spent here and SO loved. I remember a few days that I did nothing, but sit at this computer - nothing. I'd shake my head in the evening and say "where did this day go". We were there for each other - and I hope always will be, but now in different places.

Big warm hugs to you friend. My thoughts and prayers will be with you always.
Nanc

deleted_user 05/31/2009

Sweet Chrissy: I will miss you so much. We were the walking wounded together. When I came here I could barely function. I found all of you and have made so many great friends. You are one of my wonderful new friends. We've met a few times and will be seeing each other in just a few weeks.

I wish you well on your new journey. I'm not on as much as I used to be but like you at one time it was my life line.

For the new people I'd like to tell you to set up meet ups together. I've met so many people from this group. We had so much fun together. I gab on the phone with some daily. I found that the people that were in the same place of a divorce tended to bond more.

Hugs my friend.

deleted_user 05/31/2009

Chrissy: I have your email and phone number so you can't get away from me. LOL Hugs.

deleted_user 06/01/2009

Will miss you! I didn't know you very long but your topics and advise to many helped me to move ahead when I first came to DS. I pray for the best for you - I saw your post on financial burdens. We'll make it - it will be a struggle, but we'll make it! Thanks for all you have done and have a beautiful journey - you deserve the best.

hurtinandhealin2560 06/01/2009

You will be missed. I understand though--I was thinking the other day that I'm starting to come on DS less and figure it's about time for me to go as well.

I wish you all the best.

stopthistrain 06/01/2009

You were definitely one of my first buddies on this site. I have not been posting much lately but I have been reading...just starting the legal process and need everyone here still!!
All the best to you Chrissy...you deserve so much. You give me hope as you and I were in the same boat at first...hoping for a reconcilitaion and now realizing its impossible.
Stay strong .. you are awesome
Lindsey

deleted_user 06/01/2009

I think it is fantastic when a person realizes that they have now healed. I have been through a couple of groups now in my life - A grief group when I lost a child and DivorceCare last year. There is a time when you just know that you are fortunate enough to be able to let a group go - when its purpose is complete.

Friendships do bloom from such places. I wish you the best in your new journey and happiness for your heart.

I am also usually reminded of this poem when I read things such as this post:

http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm

deleted_user 06/01/2009

Chrissy, I'm kind of there too. I understand the moving on bit. You were a wonderful support to me when I first came here...you have helped many of us. you are loved and valued, thank you

deleted_user 06/01/2009

Chrissy, wishing you all the best!

deleted_user 06/01/2009

Chrissy, When I saw your post it made me incredibly sad. I have loved your words of wisdom, your strength, and your insight. I, too, will miss you, and hope you will come to "visit" us on here. I understand what you are saying, my divorce was final in April and I am moving on, too, but I am not yet ready to let go of ds yet. I wish you much love and happiness. As MFio says, "You are loved and valued." Love, Mary

deleted_user 06/02/2009

Chrissy!!!! I hate good-byes....
You came into my life for a reason. You have been such an amazing source of strength and comfort to me. We may not see each other often or talk all the time, but you are always in my heart and on my mind.

Love you sweetie!

fatallove 06/02/2009

Chrissy, I don't know what to say. I have been here longer but you have been stronger than me and I have depended on you and others for the strength to carry on. You have been a pillar at this site as has pembcat and I am going to miss you guys so much.

I have been able to depend on you for words of wisdom and support for those times when I was down and it makes me sad and a little afraid you won't be around. I feel like I'm losing an important part of my support system and it sucks.

At the same time I am so thrilled for you that you are doing well and moving on! I am so proud of you and you are an inspiration to all of us. I'm going to miss you and I wish you the very best. Love and hugs to you!

MsTerey 06/02/2009

I know where to find you also.. and maybe we can move on together some of us in the next phase. Thank for all your contributions and honest heartfelt feelings. I came here divorced already, over a year ago, and I too have a lot more on my plate than I have ever had. All good.. I am at a high happiness level. Wishing the same for you.. and just because you declared this, promise you will come back if you want or need to.

This is a way to trade information and experience, ease the alone part, for even after you go through the legal side, you will find your friends will change and you will need friends that are going through this, for the long married do not get you while this is happening.. or understand the part where you have to talk about "it" a lot.. or get how hard it is to navigate all this on your own.

And for hope, for in the end it is about you, what you want, what you need and ultimately what you learned from slowly letting go and finding that you will be fine, even great.. it was always in front you, I say, I just didn't always see it.. BIG luv and hugs, best to you Chrissy.

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