What courage you have for authenticity. What amazing strength you have to face a fulfilling and mutual life. Courage and strength are never stupid. Feeling our emotions is fine it's part of the healing process as we connect our past to our present and future. You may miss the certain aspects that are glamorized of him, I missed or connected naturally with certain events, times that I remembered that were enjoyable. However, there were fewer to none of these when we ended and in fact it was hurtful emotionally. It's natural to have some connection to your past. Make sure it's in context of the whole and not just one area you are pulling out to examine. It helps keep it real.

Today, here's a hug just for you and the amazing and strong person you are.

Never feel stupid for missing someone who was in your life for so long. My ex was in my life much longer and while I can no longer live with him I do hope he is well. The ability to care in spite of what we have been thru is truly amazing to me.

The loneliness and tears will give way to sunlight and happiness again. It's just a journey that all if us on here have to work thru. The journey is different for all of us. Just cherish those moments when the sun pushes the darkness away. Those moments will gradually start to last longer. (((HUGS)))

What a poet you are. Your words, though sad, are poignant and lovely.

I also read your open letter to your ex on your journal page. You are a talented writer and I wish you the best on your book.

The missing him that you speak of will fade to a bittersweet feeling. I don't so much miss my ex anymore as I miss that feeling that I wasn't facing life alone. Like you mentioned in your open letter, I have had many more moments of clarity as I find my own strength and talents. I'm so grateful to be able to be myself again that I don't feel alone anymore. I've got me!

This too shall pass my dear. You will survive. You will overcome. You will rise above it all and spread your wings. Take it from us survivors, there is life after divorce, and a pretty good one at that

Thank you everybody for your comments, today I feel a little better for the most part because of your comments.
To cat- I love your avatar, it is impossible not to smile when seen it!
To trisha- thank you for reminding me I can still care even after all we have been trough.
To seekingwisdom-thank you for comments and your last sentence is a great example of the place I desired to be, thank you for strength
To misred-thank you for your support, for reminding me there is a life after divorce. Cute kitty also!
Thanks to all of you, Am going to get a pedicure cause it always make me feel better.
Thanks again,
Azuca

Believe me, there are very few people who have not felt this way during the divorce. It is the death of a dream, a relationship and someone that you are used to being with and thinking about. I did not believe it when others told me, but it is true, you will be happy again, the obsessive thinking pattern about him will end and you will move on and be ok, and then happy. I say I walked through the fire and came out the otherside, wiser, happy and stronger.

This is a form of depression and grief. What I did and tell others, make a list of what you did not like about your relationship with him, and although it may not seem that way now, what you have going for you. We used to do that on this board. Things like walking on eggshells around him comes to mind.. or him making you feel worthless... Then read it when you feel bad. The good list.. can be simple things like going to bed when I like, or reading all night. The good list will get better...

There are not so many on here right now who have got divorce, moved on, are happy and are loving life. IT happens,and it can happen to you. My usual statement.. happiness is the result of personal effort. You can do it! Hang in there, come here for support and baby steps.. one at a time. HUG

"Getting Past Your Past" by Susan Elliott is a must read for anyone facing the huge loss of divorce. The author, also, has a blog that has helpful information based on the book. Susan is an articulate and easy to understand writer who speaks from experience and from her educational background. She is a therapist and Lawyer. Not sure if anyone has mentioned this book before, but it has been a tremendous help to me.

Years ago, I read the book entitled "The Confident Woman". There, I learned what my favorite color is, etc. I learned a lot about ME. I also learned a lot about me at my church when I took courses on personality types, and my spiritual gift as well. I no longer feel "stupid" as my ex used to tell me my mind was playing tricks on me. He apologized to me after taking the courses with me. He also didn't know what to do with the newly confident woman. A man like him needs someone he can walk on. I'm no longer that woman. I don't miss him, but do miss my last love from last year. Your ex's abuse was probably to make himself feel better by putting you down. Ignore it and list as many positive traits about yourself as you can think of and I'll bet you can fill a page or more. I did! When I told my last love that it was over (wish I hadn't), he was so angry that he said some really hurtful things to me. He later admitted he was angry. Another man told me he had to be. I forgave him, but believe his pride is keeping him from me. They say "Success is the best revenge" so you go for your book, finish it, and be a great success!!! He'll want to kiss the floor you walk on, but you'll be on YOUR way...without him and who knows?...maybe with a king who deserves you!!! Like Mary Tyle Moore's show..."YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL!!"