They never change in spite of all the "I promise" "it won't happen again" or "I love you. You're my rock."yada yada yada. Sad thing is I believed all that for too many years. But!! That's my past and he doesn't care for the "new" me. They never do. We have prevailed!! You go girl!' Don't let his bs get to you. Remember---they never change!! {{{hugs}}}

No, they don't change. They just learn to hide their cheating from you. Only when caught do they swear it won't happen again and they suddenly love you as much as ever. Then they do it again and again. Mine doesn't like the new me either and that's okay because we are divorced. I like the new me and I think you will like the new you that you become as you work thru this.

NH - see the problem is that the ex kinda likes the new me. I am more like my old self when we first married so long ago. BEFORE he mentally beat me so far down that I was just an empty shell of a person. I am now confident, happy, working at a wonderful place and have really great friends. He is still living in extreme debt and lying at all costs. Sigh, I am sooo glad I did not give in to any of his mess. My GF says that she very much thinks that he is truly interested in me and that he would get back together with me but has this match account because he wants to keep his options open if I don't bite...well, he can find another fish, this one has seen his bait and isn't biting.

Yes my ex also liked the new me who was the girl he fell for many years ago. But he hadn't changed back to old self and that just doesn't work. Saying is so true....they are an ex for a reason

Absolutely Lori - he has cheated twice when things got difficult, he would cheat again, no doubt. The fact that he is even hiding his match account proves that to me! He is not worthy of the person I am again

You are divorced. He has a match account. He is being over " friendly " with you? You are dreaming of a some kind of reconciliation, he is dreaming of finding someone new. I am being direct, but you have to get him out of your life, stop worrying about what he is doing and end this.

The new me that he "fell" for all those years ago.. guess what you can't go back all those years ago, and you are not that person any longer. Because you have the experience and the years of the relationship and he has let you down, cheated on you and you are now divorced? I get the ego idea that some dream that they want to come crawling back, but he is not doing that. Don't fall for this.

Your GF is not doing you any favors by telling you he wants to get back together with you. IF he wanted to do that, he would tell you he does. Keep his options open? You are not an option.You deserve better. You said that in your last line of your last post. Believe that, work on you, and I highly suggest you have no contact with him. You have to let him go.. because he not only let you go, let you down, cheated numerous times. Figure out why you would put up with that!

My dear, did you forget how the old boy treated you during your marriage? I know exactly where you are trying to go with the thought of " the ex kinda likes the new me". It's nothing but stinking thinking. I recommend that you do make that list of "The nasty things my ex had done" and refer to it more often. It takes your memory back into REALITY.

i agree with all the above. if he truly wanted you - the old or the new-- you wouldn't be in this place now. they only do that because they rather no one else have you. walk.. no no dont walk RUN! they never want what you want. only what they can't have. i too heard all those "I regret what I did" talk and crap about missing me from well meaning people but my reply? "Tough. I don't want what he has to offer or him. no way so make sure YOU tell him that." we are here for a reason. we stayed for a reason. but seriously, that reason no longer exist.
see ms terey I do listen!! lol

No they don't change. Let him be a dot in the rear view mirror forever.

Toby and MsTerey - I think maybe you misread my post or maybe I gave off the wrong vibe! Let me clarify. I DO NOT WANT THIS MAN, i HAVE NO DREAM OR EGO OR ANYTHING THAT SAYS I WANT HIM.. I can't STAND this man. I have had to spend time with him only because it was our daughters 16th birthday and because we have been to our other duaghters college soccer games. It has driven me INSANE to have to spend this much time with him. He makes my skin crawl. I can't stand the sound of his voice, it is like chalk on the clakboard. lol Trust me, there is no sitting around dreaming about a life with him. I had no life with him, he was HORRIBLE to me.

My post was to merely point out to many on here that DO pine for their ex or stbx that they DON't CHANGE!. my life is so different now in so many ways and not one of them is bad.

Sorry that you are going through so much/ Wishing you healing.

Big hugs!

It's ok. You're on the right track. I agree, stay away from entertaining thoughts that the stbx/ex still somehow has FOND feelings. It's bait that deceptively tricks you to fall into the trap of re-involvement with an old flame despite their major flaws. Our brains plays word games and tricks with definitions.

yea, my brain is turned off to his "feelings" there will be no tricks played on me. I didn't get divorced for the fun of the process or the pain. I did it so I could finally be free to be me and to live life the way it was meant to be and the way I want it to be. I have bad days but hey, I am human, I just don't want those bad days to be in the company of him. lol.