Oh geez, cheleb - I wish I could tell you. My divorce is final, he is living with her and my daughter is spending time with her and I still feel like I'm going to puke when I think about her. I think the thing we need to remind ourselves of is that the OW is not a reflection of us and anything we might perceive we are lacking, she is a reflection of our exes/stbxs unhappiness. Not a technique for dealing with anxiety - but it does sometimes bring me back down to earth. Wish I could be more helpful and enlightening - it's just a constant struggle to maintain our self worth when our marriages ended in this way. Just know - you are a better person than both your H and the OW... and there's a lot to be said for that! I'm sorry. xo

I was having them all the time for the first two weeks, it was terrible.

I found that the less I dwelled on her, the 'girlfriend', and the whole mess, they less they happened. Especially when I went back to playing softball, I haven't had one since. I think you just have to come up with something to take your mind completely off your situation.

It sucks, but you will get through it.

Hope this helps even just a little bit.

I struggle daily with this. I wish there was a magic pill we could all take to make the pain go away. Time will heal us. Hugs

I don't think you can stop it...it's your body's 'fight or flight' response to a threat. I'm a nurse, you see, so I know these things :) Your body releases adrenalin, and that makes you physically feel horribly anxious, dry mouth, heart pounding, nauseated. Then on top of all that, your mind is going 1000 miles an hour. Yes, been there done that. I have taken up meditation and breathing meditation and it helps most of the time. I don't know what to do about not getting anxious in the first place though. I hope it gets better for you.
Lynne

Think that she has the cheating sob. Not you. It will happen to her too. Smile, be polite and tell her thank you. OK, I'm gagging thinking about saying it. I would love to say that to the OW when I run into her but I will most likely call her a name.

I agree with sld, better for her to have his cheating ass than you. She will be on the recieving end of his action, just where you are, and she'll have the same feelings as you. Let his cheating ass go, adios, so long, don;t let the door hit you......It may not be to far in the future that she will be here with us complaining about him to us.....sld I do know someone who confronted the OW and asked her how one of his other women was doing.... real suprize to the OW don't you think.....just my thoughts, opinions hope it helps......AJJ

Giving some serious thought about sending the OW a "THANK YOU" card.
After 29 years this is what he does, she can have the lyin' cheatin' sob. She is also married, 17 years. They deserve each other.
EWWWWWWW!

It's hard not to think about the OW but eventually it will bother you less and less. She is a skank, bottom of the barrel and don't for a moment think that this will not all come back on her. It's Karma.

I told my stbx girlfriend that she was pathetic. I ran into her in a store and asked her if she was still seeing my husband, she replied, "oh, no. There was nothing to that." Imagine that? I said to her, "Three years of mine and my children's lives and there was nothing to it." That's when I told her she was pathetic and then I proceeded to where her husband was and informed him of the affiar while she stood by telling him what I was saying was insane. I eventually looked at her and told her it was not insane,just incredibly sad. I then just turned around and walked away. She has ice in her veins and a horrible excuse for a woman.

The OW in my STBX is the exact opposite of me from what I can tell. I am his peer, equal in education, equal in job postion, equal in age. She is 15 yrs younger, his subordinate at work, she is Chinese, speaks soft broken English. He needed to dominate a relationship to be happy it seems. Really weird.

I've had the same anxious thoughts and moments. I was able to speak to the ow and told her she had no morals and they deserved each other. I like the idea of sending a thank you card--very funny. My best friend said to me one day, "Don't kind of feel sorry for her. Look what she's getting." When you look at it that way, it makes me feel a lot better.

Wish I could give you some advise. Fighting those attacks myself, especially when the kids are with them and having fun. The sad thing is the OW is so much like me in physical appearance it is scary. Praying that we all get through this soon.

My stbx's OW is ten years older and not so pretty. Honestly, it must have been the hot sex or something. Please forgive me for being catty, but she has some ugly legs, too! I never felt bad anxious about her as I could never understand why he chose her over me. Granted, I may be a bit chubby, but I am a nice person with a very witty sense of humor. I don't think she even has one. I had met her a few times (not knowing they were having an affair) and I always found her to be stuck up and snooty (now I know why)!

I fight this anxiety, as well. Actually, it often ends up in tears! My husband kindly told me how smart she is and was even so kind as to show me pictures of his beautiful bombshell! She is 10 years younger! He talks about her to our son all of the time and has taken him to her home. I do not know how to fight the sadness or anxiety! I know I am better off without him and I am looking towards filing for divorce, but I still find myself being incredibly sad! I am really trying to spend a lot of time this summer with friends for both my son and myself, but I really struggle with my lonely weekends without my son. I have a couple of full weeks coming up without him and I am not looking forward to that! I know everyone says it gets better and I guess that is what I am holding on to! Everyone says something better is out there for us...I hope this is true!