I go to nothing. We live in a small town, ahem where people don't take sides or judge, but stbx works as teacher in town, I work far away, the divorce story is all her tale so the chapters on her infidelity with prominent town "man of character " have been omitted.

So I feel the judgement and know that on my side is well there is me ,
After a year I decided fuck it , you that know me and now pretend not to , you'll just have to deal with he being at the block party, and for those that genuinely ask , I smile because their asking is nice and I say "thanks for asking, how are you?"
If they want to go a little deeper into how are things with me , I don't lie or blow smoke up the wazzoo, I keep it succinct

I say do what you feel most comfortable with. Situations like this are awkward, to say the least. However, I would not stay away just to make your neighbors feel more comfortable. I like broken's response "thanks for asking, how are you?" If this is the first neighborhood picnic since your separation/divorce, I can understand your hesitancy in going. Perhaps, next year you will be in a different place emotionally and actually look forward to being a part of the festivities. You mentioned that you know your neighbors care, don't cut yourself off from their friendship or well-meaning intentions. I have found that though it has been difficult to face activities that my ex and I were once a part of as a couple, I still enjoy the friendship and interaction with those that still care about me as a person. I went to a Memorial Day cookout last night with a gathering of friends (mostly couples) that ex and myself used to enjoy together. I had a pleasant evening, glad I went, but I must confess that it is bittersweet. It's a stark reminder of what was and is no more. I seem to come away wondering, "why are those couples still together and not ex and me?" Futile question, I know so I try not to dwell on it. What ever you decide to do today, remember it's just one day. Try to seek out a supportive friend to spend the day with.

It was more difficult for me in the first few years. When confronted with a situation similar to yours...my reply would be...oh Im hanging in there...or...I'm doing much better...or if it was a close friend I would say...today is a good day or not a good day. I didnt lie about how I was doing...just down played it...because of it I never felt dishonest with myself.

What really shocked me was...90% of the people didnt care anyway. I was the topic of conversation maybe once at morning coffee and was forgotten about by lunch. We are not the gossip we think we are. In fact..some of my closer causal friendships didnt even know....partly due to my hermitting and partly because they missed that morning coffee. To us...we feel like damaged goods...or failures...to them...they have way to much going on in there lives. Its not that they dont care...they just dont have time to even think about anyone elses troubles.

As far as the questions...few people want to know the details. When asked...I always said...its all about happiness and he's happy now and I'm just relieved its over and smiled...nothing more had to be said and there was truth to it.

golden...I think more attention would be drawn to you if you dont go...if people dont know the story they often make things up. I guess it depends how far you are in your own recovery...however...for me...it was an obstacle worth overcoming...the other side of it was unexpected...my feeling of shame and failure went away because I was not the focus of gossip I thought I was and discovered I was equally accepted as I was before all this crap happened in my life...bottom line...people really dont have time to care...Big Hugs...Kathy

I speak truth but I don't go into gorey detail. If someone asks how I am, I say "i'm getting by". If someone asks about him, I say "I don't really talk to him anymore". I keep my answers short and sweet with a smile on my face.

Yes its awkward. Yes its uncomfortable. But to stop associating and doing things only makes us feel worse. I just posted on this recently too. The best advice I got was "Fake it till you make it". I hate that concept, but in reality, it is the only way to make it through this clusterfuck. Eventually, people will forget and all of this will move on...but the longer you avoid, the longer it will take that to happen.

Dairytech is absolutely right....if you are there, they wont gossip so much. At least not about you. :)

I ran into the "Gladys Kravitz" of our neighborhood the other day. She's the busy body blabber mouth for sure. She also happens to be a paralegal in the Family Court here in town. She's the one who actually referred me to my first attorney. When I saw her, she asked how things were going. I told her. We had a great conversation. She was very empathetic and encouraging as her son has been through a divorce recently and I think, although she's remarried, she has been divorced as well. Anyway, she asked if I was going to the picnic. I said I hadn't decided. I have no doubt that she will "update" everyone on me, if she's hasn't already.

golden...that's okay if she does but chances are...it wont be in the light you think it is. You have to decide whether you are ready to hold your head high and just be who you are...remember...what has happened is not a reflection of you...its about him and his sorry ass...you are the fallout of his decisions...Big Hugs...Kathy

Very true, Kathy…doesn't take much for her to say something bad about someone. She does it all the time and it is so damaging. My next door neighbors are very quiet, private people. Our neighborhood has lots of little functions…baby showers, happy hours, etc. "Gladys" told me that my next-door neighbors NEVER respond to any invitation. While I don't think it's good to never respond, it wasn't her position to gossip about them to me. Information is power and she uses that to her great benefit. I told her that I know the woman is quite shy. And she remarked, "And he is most definitely the KING of the household." Just stuff like that. I would never speak about my neighbors like that. That is the risk I guess in not attending neighborhood functions. You get talked about