See my What I don't miss Post.. and this, believe it or not, you would not want to return home to the way it was before she left. Because she left for a reason. You may not know what the reason is, and may never know, but life was not that great if one spouse was unhappy, whether you knew it or not. No one wants to admit that, but if you are divorced, there was something wrong. Either way, you are divorced and you still have a family, whether you are married or not! Adult children need to be able to tell you how they feel, but probably are living their own lives and if there are issues, you have to decide would this be happening anyhow, or is it really about your divorce?

Whether you divorce or not, the dynamics of a family change all the time, kids grow up, they marry, they form relationships and marry themselves and things change. They will being trying to find their place in life no matter what you and your ex wife do. I feel one of the most important parts of being divorced with kids, is that you do not want kids to feel that they have to be resonsible for your emotional and social life. Most professionals will tell that it is not a good example to be in a marriage full of stife as an example to any younger children. They mirror what they lived with, and no one would wish a bad realtionhip or living a lie to their children, or teach them to supress their own needs or put up with infidelity.

And as to Wizard of Oz, wasn't that the point.. that you can't go home again and everything will be the same! As to where you are included, I am not sure what that means, but you have to define where you fit in your children's lives, you will always be their dad. HUGS

Cannot respond as I'm in the beginning stages of divorce. Sorry you are reflecting back on the sadness of a long marriage ending. I do believe that my upcoming divorce won't be what affects my kids but the number of years I showed them to stay in a disfuctional relationship. That is what scares me. They have wanted me to get out for a number of years. However, alcoholism is the issue with my divorce and that really is a sad situation when a parent gives up on getting their act together.

sorry, jury is not out on this one for me. For now I see all positives.

Me off antidepressants after 8 years of taking.
Sleep better
returning to school to finish the degree I started 18 years ago
Don't have to wait on him to get around to (fill in the blank)
Don't have to send him reminders about what's going on in his kids lives or in my life. For example: I have a dental appointment today at 1:00 pm. Then after my appointment see all these missed calls from him and ugly messages about my not answering.
Finally have a decent savings account in case of an emergency.
Can see my family all I want.
Don't have to worry who he's messaging or video chatting with on the computer while I'm at work.

Oh I could go on and on. I don't wish I was back in that life. At the time I didn't realize how miserable I was.

Im sorry you still feel torn after three years. My EX sends me random texts about how he misses me or dreamed about me. So I suppose he wishes things were back to the way they were when we were married. He had it made and didn't know it. As CowgirlKathi says, Too bad so sad.

Good luck wm98. I wish you all the best.

I am sorry that this is happening to your family. Divorce is such a hard thing to go through. I have been divorced a year and a half and separated over 3 years.
The good is that my kids and I have wonderful relationships. They range in ages 32 to 13. I have tried to maintain our relationships and be there for them. I have to say that it has been a bonding for us. The downside is that their father has hurt each of their hearts, and brought them moments of deep saddness. But we are all doing very well now.
I have not found that special person yet in my life. I have tried dating and it was not the right time for me. My life is still in turmoil at times with the ex and his wishes to still control money. But all in all I feel happy most of the time. There are still moments of hurt and feeling disposable. There is still times of jealousy over the life he is living with the ow his new wife. But I find that I am happy to not be with someone I can't trust and who is such a hollow man.

Like most, I still have times of what I call "wistful thinking" -- but all the negative memories won't allow me to stay in that place very long.
I certainly do NOT miss thinking I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't all the time. I simply could do nothing right in my marriage, yet I jumped through hoops all the time and then he set the hoops on fire!
I thank God every single day for giving me the strength and tenacity to GET OUT and STAY AWAY from such a charming but manipulative person and for my Therapist who helped me BUST THE ILLUSIONS that kept me in the marriage for such a long time.

Like CowgirlKathi I someimes miss the man I first married. The one who pretended to be what he wasn't. When he finally showed his true self I chose to leave. I have a daughter who only speaks to me once a year when she wants somethng. Much like her father. Her problem not mine. I have let her go too. She will come around or not. My door is open to her if she chooses to be in my life.

There are a lot of things I don't miss and very few I would want back in my life. In the end he became a miserable sad man who played games with other people's lives.

I'm out, I'm happy and I do work that taxes my body and mind. I love what I am doing and wouldn't change a thing about my life. I feel blessed that I had the good sense to get out when I did. That I live the life I have now.

I am also struggling with not having the family unit anymore. When our son came in for a visit it was so sad. We always had large parties here so everyone could see eveyone and our son didn't have to go from family to family just to get to see everyone. My stbx family all lives here and since all this happened they have decided I made the wrong decision after 40 years of lying and cheating. It was sad because he picked a few of my stbx's family also his family to go visit and was treated badly just because of the decision I made. Sad I'm not sure when he will come back. I do miss the family unit but not all the rest.

It's the journey to HELL and back. And after surviving the warfare, the last 1000 miles returning home to "Peaceful land" is the overcoming of any stress, better known as post-traumatic stress syndrome, some call it putting away the "emotional baggage" is the finale.

My positive thing I've learned, is to stay 50000 feet [there's no error] clear of ex .....and to count my blessings! I'm ready to see what God's plans are. There is much faith.