You are so right, the anticipation sucks. Even though you know on one level that their reaction shouldn't matter, we just can't help ourselves. We somehow want a reaction, especially one that we want! From my ex, I wanted a reaction of sorrow and some sort of confession-fess where he was so sorry for all of this and that he will never find another woman that would even come close to me...and that he was a complete idiot for throwing "us" away as if we were yesterday's trash. What really happened, though, is that I served him in front of the court clerk, he gave me a ride home on the back of his Harley while he tried to negotiate some sort of random settlement! Shortly thereafter, he got a lawyer, so I got one, too. End result? We are divorced and I made out okay. He's still with ow and now the two of them are 4 of them. I'm not gonna blow smoke up your.... this could be a long process, so hang on, find diversions, as you said, and be prepared to play the waiting game over and over. Just when you get through one step, another starts and it isn't wrapped up in a clean package. Let us know what is happening as you go on this very scary ride and know that we are here, of course ...hugs

Chances are, you won't hear directly from your stbx once he gets served. If he has half a brain, he will immedfiately seek the counsel of HIS OWN attorney. That would be the best case scenario for YOU, my friend. But take THESE WORDS TO HEART: If he calls you on the telephone or has the audacity to show up at your door -- DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR UNLESS you have another ADULT in the house with you. I don't want to frighten you, but these things can turn ugly real fast and you don't want to be in that position.

If he calls on the phone, let him leave a message. My guess is, his reaction is NOT going to be friendly and you do not want to get into it with him. Ok? Listen to the message and gauge what he says and how he says it. Then you may want to make a call to your attorney to ask what to do next. My guess is, your attorney may suggest that you and your stbx meet in the attorney's office to talk this over.

I had mine served at the aiport as he was coming in from the Sahara dessert. I had warned my daughter and apologized because her birthday was the next day. She called wanting to know if I was picking up her dad. He had called her and she wasn't going to let him be stranded at the airport. I didn't realize he had run a pity party on her.

He called and wanted to know if I was picking him up. My mind was in twenty different directions. Had he been served? What do I say? What do I do now? How could they have missed him?

Then he said he knew I had been told not to pick him up but how was he to get to our town. (He had been served) Now this is a man who had traveled the world for the last ten years. At least six countries several times. He was trying to have a pity party on me. I told him to rent a car with his CC and I would follow him the next day to take the car back. Where was he to stay? I told him to rent a room. He wasn't staying with me; I wanted my divorce.

I did follow him the next day and he said he would help me bring my two horses home. I had taken them from my farm just in case. I could tell the ex wasn't going to be difficult. So I pick up the boys and call him. The ass didn't answer the phone. So I left a message. Just as I thought he was being vindictive and didn't help me. I never mentioned it to him. When I got home I made the mistake of untying both horses. I took Joe off and put him in his field. When I went to get Zee his head was down and he was wedged against the manger. I was silently cussing the ex and myself for once again believing him. The horse couldn't get his head up and he had no room to go back. I didn't need him to panic so I thought about the damn ex and kicked Zee so hard under the chin that he brought his head up and I was able to unload him. I never depended on the ex again. Sorry this got so longwinded. But in hindsight I can see the humor in this.

You were given some good advice. Unless you can read your H really well let the answering machine take his calls. That will tell you what kind of mood he is in. It's better to err on the side of caution. I had an acquaintice that was killed because she didn't use caution. Another who had to be comitted because her ex was thrown out of court and went to his parents house with guns and ended up shooting their grown daughter. That poor woman lost her mind. She will never be the same again. So please don't do what I did. Use caution, especially just after they have been served.

Yorkie, something else....

Unless you are paying for a Private Process Server, most of the time, these papers are served by the local Sheriff's Department and believe me, those guys have lots of other things to do every day. Serving papers is NOT a high priority. You have to be patient. Your attorney should call you once he has been served. If you haven't heard anything by Monday afternoon, you might want to call to find out.

Also, if you opted to have him served where he lives, he might not be there! Lots of people request that their stbx be served at their work because they pretty much KNOW they will be there between certain hours of the day and it's a lot easier to get to them. If your stbx is at home and has an inkling that this is coming, he can just sit in the house and refuse to answer the door.

I read this as you had a paid process server. If you know who he/she is, you could call the process server. Every process server at the end of their day, has to go to the court house and swear in and file that they served so and so, on the record. You could also if you know where to call at the court, find out if it has been filed and therefore served. In this state, you do not have to get a signature, you ask if you are so and so, and if they do not want to take the paperwork, server drops it at your feet. MOST do not serve you at work unless you can not be found, because most lawyers know it is embarassing, and they do not want to do that, and start off that way for your divorce, with him very angry. Work place is the last result, because some employers will not let people be served at work either, they won't go and get the person!A process server has parameters they must work under. Now days there are tons of process servers out there, foreclosures are all process served. Most people do not want to be blindsided, and often your lawyer will ask that you let your spouse know that you have filed and will be served. ALL of this depends on your personal situation. He is going to need an attorney, and the court will let him have time to find one, get the money together etc.

Your goal in divorce is to get what you need to live in the future, both emotional and financial. Waiting is hard, and you have to decide if you want to take his calls or not. It sounds like you are not talking to him as it is, but hang in there. Let it go to the machine as others have said, and call back when you are ready, and think before you speak! DO not reveal too much about your side, which is something that is hard to do after trusting a sbtx after a long term marriage. I tell the people I work with in divorce, this is the very first of many steps, delays, and unknowns, and you have to stay calm and work on what you are suppose to get done. I know, because guess who they call when they are waiting, me! I tell them to do just what I said in the first paragraph, and to find something productive to do! Hang in there, HUGS

I feel you... It is nervewracking for sure. Everyone here has sound advice. Your on way. Keep us posted. We are all here for support.

Just so you know, I'm an attorney and I have my process server call the client to let him/her know when the papers are served. In domestic violence cases, we make sure the client has a safe place to go.

Lynne