Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I'm sitting here and just realized that I have reached that "ah" moment. That moment when all the past is the past and doesn't matter. That moment when you realize that HE doesn't matter. That moment when you realize all that you have gone through is over and you can relax now. That moment when you realize that your heart is still intact and the pain is gone. That moment when the anger ceases to exist. That "ah" moment.
I slept like a baby last night. Didn't wake once. Highly unusual for me for past 3 years. I take that as a sign God knows I am at peace now. I don't dream of him, good or bad. I don't think of him. (except while writing this). It feels good.
I read what others here wrote and remember myself in their places. I feel their pain. I feel their anger. But if anything makes sense of my last 3 years it is that YES it does get better. The pain leaves or at least diminishes. The "get even" syndrome fades. The visions of him with the ow go away. Because you cease to care. You care about your life. Sure I still hurt for the loss my sons go through but I can't fix that. All I can do is be there for them. Show them the love of this parent is strong, so very strong.
So my advice, good or bad, welcome or unwanted, is this---hang in there. There will be waves of anger, hurt and lots of pain til it is over. But stick with it. You deserve happiness. You will think it will never be good again. But you can't live the "dream" of what it was because it was a dream. We wanted the family thing but he didn't. We believed in happily ever after. He didn't. We thought it was everlasting. He didn't.
Do I believe the ex is happy? Hell no!! Do I relish that? Oh yea!! But I also have much much more. And some day down the road I look forward to meeting someone who will show me what a "real" man is. No hurry. It will happen in good time. We all deserve to be happy. We have to realize that in ourselves. That we are the ones who will make us happy. Only us. So work on that. Make yourself happy for once. Make yourself the number one priority. Then you will see it all turn around and you won't care or think of him.
Then you will have that "ah" moment too. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I slept like a baby last night. Didn't wake once. Highly unusual for me for past 3 years. I take that as a sign God knows I am at peace now. I don't dream of him, good or bad. I don't think of him. (except while writing this). It feels good.
I read what others here wrote and remember myself in their places. I feel their pain. I feel their anger. But if anything makes sense of my last 3 years it is that YES it does get better. The pain leaves or at least diminishes. The "get even" syndrome fades. The visions of him with the ow go away. Because you cease to care. You care about your life. Sure I still hurt for the loss my sons go through but I can't fix that. All I can do is be there for them. Show them the love of this parent is strong, so very strong.
So my advice, good or bad, welcome or unwanted, is this---hang in there. There will be waves of anger, hurt and lots of pain til it is over. But stick with it. You deserve happiness. You will think it will never be good again. But you can't live the "dream" of what it was because it was a dream. We wanted the family thing but he didn't. We believed in happily ever after. He didn't. We thought it was everlasting. He didn't.
Do I believe the ex is happy? Hell no!! Do I relish that? Oh yea!! But I also have much much more. And some day down the road I look forward to meeting someone who will show me what a "real" man is. No hurry. It will happen in good time. We all deserve to be happy. We have to realize that in ourselves. That we are the ones who will make us happy. Only us. So work on that. Make yourself happy for once. Make yourself the number one priority. Then you will see it all turn around and you won't care or think of him.
Then you will have that "ah" moment too. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
love and hugs
kamary
Some of us don't ever recover.
I feel that way most of the time, but I still have my little set backs mostly caused by triggers that just popup. .Now these "set backs " mostly and as a rule are not as bad as they use to be and don't last as long anymore. (As a rule with exceptions )
All in all... I'm ok............
Remember I'm still dealing with PTSD from VN too. but I go to class on that once a week . The 4th of July is not a good time for me and many other vets with ptsd. All the fireworks get to us. Every night I heard the same thing in VN , but these were real rockets.. real shooting ..real explosions... So we usually go hide somewhere and play load music...LOL
So, Again good for you and all the otters here that made it to that point of "AH ". It was a long hard raid.
To all the new people here, I hope that by listening to we "old timers" gives you some hope... It's not an instant cure,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but a hope to hold on to.
God Bless you all..................We are the survivors, We are great and a better people and we know it !!
Love Timeman