I know how you feel, there is very little you can do. Just tell her that you understand what she is going through. This year, my son had his daughter baptised the day before, so we were all together, including that their father and his mommy. My daughter does not want to be with her father, no matter what I say. She is 27. How about you going on a small holiday during that time and celebrate a week later. My girlfriend does that because she does not want to see her daughter in the middle of all of this. She is more relaxed and happy doing this, than having them over and knowing that they are upset for being caught in the middle. It does not matter where you have 1 or 10, the problem is always the same. Where to go first.

When I was married we did thanksgiving with his family for lunch and my family dinner. Why not do both?

On Thanksgiving the kids and I celebrated the following week. For me...its not only the ex that is a problem but its also my childrens spouses family that needs to be slotted in. Its a lot of juggling. For Christmas...the kids are with me in the morning then they go to their dads in the evening...I usually choose to work just to help get through it...that works for me.

In the beginning I sat the kids down and let them know that it doesnt matter where they slot me in as long as they do and that it be consistent so I can plan in advance. This has opened the door for us to develop new traditions...one we all are enthused about rather than following the old and resenting it. Now when we get together...the pressure is off and we can simply have fun and enjoy even though the actual day of celebration has passed.

For me...when this divorce first began...I really struggled with this...I too did not want to put the kids in the middle during holidays...so I took a step back and allowed them to decide what works best for them and so far it is working out great. I have to be honest though...the first few years were tough on my emotions...the thought of my kids celebrating with the OW in what used to be my home was hard...mostly I kept it to myself...however...on occasion it spilled out...oops!

I agree.....do both. One earlier than the other. Then next year flip it.

We have staggered ours as well. This, however, might be the first year that he actually has someone in his life that might cook something on Thanksgiving. One year I think they went to a restaurant....

I have other kids so I am not alone, but the two we share together are still caught in the middle of what to do. We schedule our time and then they work around that to be with their dad.

Thanks, ya'll. So stressed I can't even come up with the simplest idea to do both! Duh! I think that's the best plan for her to split the day between me and her dad. She seemed relieved to hear the idea.

Thanks! Ya'll have come to my rescue yet again.

Goldengirl, I'm glad you got it sorted out. I like the idea of alternating lunch and dinner each year. It's an easy way out if you live close enough together.

love and hugs
kamary

Now that my kids are older (20's) they have girlfriends' families as well as their dad to consider.

I've had it happen a few times now where they have to run out mid-day on Thanksgiving, or have no celebratory (alcoholic!) drinks on Xmas eve with my family because by mid evening they're on the road for a few hour drive to...whomever's house!

I'd rather have them settle in, and NOT be rushed on a day when we can relax for the whole day and/or evening.

So for that reason, alternating or different days works for me. For instance Dec. 26th is a stat holiday called "Boxing Day" in Canada so many families alternate Xmas day and Boxing day get-togethers.

As long as it can be arranged for all three of my sons to be with me at the same time at SOME point. Afterall, as the kids get older and leave, they need to spend time with each other as siblings as well!

That said, I'd never be alone as I have a large extended family. Being alone would put a whole other spin on it. Good luck with your holiday plans - I'm sure you'll work it out and have a blessed Thanksgiving! hugs

Gals came up with some pretty good ideas. I don't have to share usually because he moved out of state, but for Thanksgiving, I could care less. Christmas would be the day I'd have a hard time with. In fact, this year I decided that I'm not going to do a big dinner and everyone whom I usually invite is on their own. I think I'll order a pre-cooked bird from stop and shop and one daughter has to work till 2:00 and the other will most likely go to her boyfriends.

Things change.... :(

Here's a new one for ya. My EX family is so dysfunctional, everyone is divorced and has this problem. So my EX MIL has decided to do a combination Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner for her entire family on the first weekend in December. That way EVERYONE can be there and there is no conflict on the Holidays.

This is the first semi intelligent thing I have ever known her to do. LOL!

It also frees me up with my kids on those days :) WIN WIN

Truthfully, I could do without Thanksgiving and Christmas since my ex and I split up. We all live in different states now (the kids are grown) and I am alone (no extended family) where I live. I usually have to fly somewhere to spend the holidays with extended family. It gets to be an expense, but it's better than being alone. I have been fortunate, so far, to spend the holidays with one of my kids or the other. They have not yet chosen to spend holidays with their dad and OW, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time until that happens. I'm always glad when Jan 2 comes :)

my kids made it easy - they estranged me and have completely cut me out of their lives. Problem solved.

Peaces, don't know if you aware of DS site called Parents of estranged children. .

Great idea! Smart!

my kids also have their spouses family to go to and my daughter and I usually end up at my sons MIL house, as long as I'm with my son and daughter I don't care where I go. The ex always tried to put his foot down and say we were gonna be at our house and they all needed to make time to get to our house, that never worked, lol. For Christmas, I usually end up spending the night at my sons to watch the kids with Santa or my step daughters, they always seem to take care of me and I'm thankful for that.