Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Such a tragic day for me

sandivan
sandivan
I am separated for 3 months. I am doing great with Gods help until he calls my daughter with whom I live. Several days ago on Words with Friends, my account name was not registering so had to reset it with my name in order for my name to show up on the game board. One of the main reasons I left was because he accused me of having an affair with a words with friends person. Not true as God is my witness. So he says my sister in law has looked on my facebook and sees this guy on my friends list. I had deleted him before I left. Needless to say my daughter and I was shocked to see it was true. How could this happen? Was it because of the changes I made that it went back to before I deleted him? Crazy I know don't know how it happened and I quickly deleted again. But H calling me a liar anf very ugly to my daughter so It would get to me. I have cried all day and so depressed. If I did not have to have contact it would be so calm. I want to get a divorse but at my age 71 and his 76 I thought we could come to an aggrement. What can I do . I am about to my wits end. He is very irrational acting and believes what ever comes in his mind. I left because I was frightened and had to block my door at night. Long story I know but can any one give me insight?
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
You said it all in the statement, "He is very irrational acting and believes whatever comes in his mind."

Keep all correspondence and a log of calls he makes, what he says, etc. and share it with your attorney. I think for the time being, you may want to delete or suspend your FB account. If not, definitely block the SIL. It's none of her business what is on the account.

Sending healing hugs!
Misred
Misred
Sorry hun. My EX was suspicious of any male I even spoke to. Living that way was horrible. The more I tried to convince and prove otherwise the worse it got. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore. Turns out, he was the cheater all those years. My theory is he found it so easy to go behind my back, he feared I was doing it to. Maybe someone has your password and is fiddling with things to set you up. Try changing your password.
trisha9054
trisha9054
I agree with the others but is it possible your h has a medical problem? Is his behavior changing or has he always been like this? You have to think of your needs and safety. It was wise of you to go live with your daughter. Don't let your age get in the way of getting a divorce.
sandivan
sandivan
Thank you all for the advice and support. I have given it all to God and pray that I can be what I should be. It is so hard after almost 55 years to think for myself and be strong, but with Gods help, my daughter and family and now my friends on the board, I will survive. Hugs to all
dairytech
dairytech
Hugs sandivan and welcome...Kathy
lucy-wattle
lucy-wattle
I'm thinking along the lines with Trisha. If his behaviour is "new" I would be looking at a medical issue. Perhaps your daughter could get him to see a Doctor?

I sincerely hope that your situation turns out for the best...whatever that may be.

Lucy.
sandivan
sandivan
Thanks for all the thoughts and good wishes. In the past few years I have noticed changes and strange behavior, but he drinks daily and every night. I thought it was result of that. It has escalated in the last several months. I would catch him spying on me late at night and then he would run back to his room thinking I had not seen him. He admitted to the spying o my son. He wanted to catch me talking to <the man> on the computer. He doesn't understand the working of a computer but thinks he does. Of course he knows all about evreyrthing. Please don't think I am prortraying myself as faultless. I am trying everyday to be acceptable to God.t By tithing he says I am trying to buy my way to heaven. One of the scary things is he carrys a loaded gun. I miss my home and all my things. I left in15 min with barely anything but my med my dog and 2 scantly packed suitcases. I was shocked myself when I realized what I had done, but what a relief. I am sleeping well here and I am starting to feel better after my gall bladder surgery 2 weeks ago. Well I have rambled again but it feels good to vent. Oh and I can never go back to my home. He has spread so many lies about me, I wouldn't recognize myself Thanks all for listening.
trisha9054
trisha9054
You can go back to your house to get your clothes. Take your daughter and police with you. You need your personal items. The loaded gun with his drinking would be reason enough to leave. He is definitely acting strange but again you have to keep yourself safe.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
You have to be sure that you are safe. Second, it sounds that he is having some mental problems. hugs
HCARD
HCARD
Sandavan his behavior smacks of dementia. Years before a person requires 24 hr care their behavior becomes odd and very often paranoid . The alcohol speeds up the process of the dementia and increases the paranoia. Stay away and stay safe. I don't know if that impacts the divorce or not. Maybe someone else can help with that.
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