My advice?
If you are having trouble sticking with No Contact (and you did give it another try) then you should seek out a qualified counselor or therapist. That was the FIRST THING I did when my now-X sang the "not happy" song after 30 years together - with no blatant abuse, just constant undermining of my well-being with his passive agressive behavior.
Next step is to get an attorney and file for divorce. If you are really done with the marriage, there is no point procrastinating. Nothing says "I'm done" louder than having papers served and divorce is the only thing that will get you out of Limbo Hell permanently.
Hugs to you.

It's a tough place to be. The emotional abuse can be just as hurtful as blows. I think it can be worse because you deny that it is happening, and make excuses like, he didn't know he was being so hurtful, he had a tough childhood. When you realize that the mean man is the real man you may be shocked and humiliated. Just know that the crazy making manipulations of some of these guys will keep you twisted so much you don't know if you can trust your own thoughts. That is a testament to how good they are at lying and controlling us.
It doesn't mean that we are not intelligent, strong women and men.

No Contact is a good way to let your head clear of all of his words. It can be hard, but it is worth it, you are worth it.

(((HUGS)))

Good advice cowgirlkathi! She is wise, I would agree.
"hugs"

Cowgirl, is right - therapy. Emotional abuse is a horrible thing. I have lived with it unknowingly for 30 years. Brainwashing my behaviours. No contact is a great thing for you emotionally - it is very hard, but oh so worth it, because contact just dredges up those feelings again and brings them to the front which hurts even more I'm afraid.. Big hugs to you - you'll get there. It just takes time.

thanks for all the advice. I know it is good advice and i will try to heed it all. I have talked to a lawyer a couple of times already. actually 2 of them. both say that as long as he is providing for me by paying the bills and giving me money every week to let it ride for awhile. I have been sticking a few extra dollars into my own account in case, he doesnt follow through. I have as yet no permanent address for him. he doesnt always go back to the truck terminal every week either so serving papers there might not work. they told me they need a physical address. he has said i get the house and car as they are paid for. he has a motorcycle and a truck. we have one equity loan in both names that is rather high. lawyer said to not divulge i've talked to them as he could demand half the equity. I am 56 and he is 58. i have been watching papers, spreading the word and whatever to look for a job. here in ohio the unemployment rate is high so good luck with that. i have part time job with a company that works maybe 3-6 times out of state doing auctions. just want to b happy again. sooner than later. so how do i get the money for therapist???

nohappy
Check with your local Health Department to see if they have a list of licensed family therapists available. Lots of times, they will work with you on a sliding scale basis so that you can get into therapy at a cost that fits into your budget (regardless of how small).

Since you haven't yet retained an attorney, NOTHING is written in stone. No matter what your stbx may have "promised" you in the settlement, KNOW that in most cases, IF HIS LIPS ARE MOVING -- HE IS LYING.

The attorney IS correct in saying that "let things ride for awhile" is probably good advice. That's what my attorney told me when I retained her to attempt an out of court settlement. She said, "The longer he goes sending you support money VOLUNTARILY the better chance that he will end up paying ALIMONY. It indicates his WILLINGNESS and ABILITY TO PAY." She was right. I waited 9 months to file for divorce (all attempts to negotiate a settlement were met with Mr. Bully) but in the end (another 9 months later) he forked over everything I had originally demanded and a whole lot more.

Hang in there. Keep talking to us. We have all been where you are right now!

It's hard when you don't have the money for therapy. I can see that you are doing all you can do. You are in limbo for now. The attys. are giving you sound financial advice but that doesn't always work for some people. How long do you live like this and be dependent on your H? But you don't feel you have the means to care for yourself. A long haul trucker can be hard to locate when they don't pay. I understand your circumstances.

As far as therapy, see if your county has counseling services where you can pay on a sliding scale. It's usually listed as -----county mental health. They charge by your income. Try cutting your expenses to save more money. I'm sure you are already doing that. But don't save it in the bank. Maybe a safe deposit box because when you do get your divorce that money you saved will be accounted for in the settlement.

I will add that two of the attys I talked to told me the same thing. The only way they would take my case was if I was terminally ill to protect assets because the ex already had a son he left in the Philippines. That I should stay for the money he was giving me. I found an atty. who got me my divorce and I'm happy now.

In the end you have to do what is right for you. Staying for a while might work but eventually you will make that decision that you want out no matter what. I hope you can find a job soon. That would certainly help.

the money I am saving is in my name only.( with oldest son so he can empty account upon my death) he knows nothing about it. i told my attorney this. hubby also has his own account without my name on it and we share 1 account with both names. right now I am using him for once instead of him using me. I know what legalies I am entitled to and am listening to the advice. Just not liking him having that tiny little access to control. but all this with group is helping me a lot. I just called our old counselor to see if he could work with me. I really liked him. He was tough on hubby. but he says thats who he is going back to. I am not evil and dont wish anyone unhappiness. even an ass like him. he needs help of some kind but right now I care about me. top priority!

no happy, I too seperated and go back together, 2 times, there was another woman involved, this time he said it was final, he was still seeing her and wants to be with her, we were married for over 26 years.
we have 2 adult sons. I have also done the no contact, have not spoken to him in 2 weeks, this is the first time ever in 26years i have not spoken to him in 2 weeks, it is really hard, he has told me to call him anytime, but i told him no. i told him not to call me. so he has not. there is still a small part of me hoping he will call me, but i know that is wrong, he is not going to, he has moved on, i need to accept it. it is v v hard, but i have good day and bad, take it one day at a time, it will fall into place and you will know which way to walk. take care, DS group is a great group to turn to when you have any questions or feeling to let out. take care, I pray for you too

sadfornow. I see that is is fresh for u too. mine left the labor day weekend. came back last week to drop off some papers i needed (that ended up where he used to stay) and to pick up his things. He too said to call whenever and he would stop in on his way thru every once in a while. Told him no. Didnt and dont think it will b good for me. I def need the nc. I still as u hope he will call because he used to call 3-5 times a day. But this is better tho. I need to move on without him. keep ur chin up. I am. I have decided to stop being the victim. let him regret what he did. I hope he does in a big way. look to ur sons for support. Mine r both adults now and they keep me going strong.and since finding ds it has changed me for the better.

Have appointment with my old counselor. He said he will work out payment. Told him what I've gone so far and what I told ex. He was impressed. First visit is Tuesday.

This is wonderful news.

Excellent News! So glad for you.

nohappy, I am always suspicious of partners who call 3-5 times a day. Could it be that one is making sure where the other one is? this is a question.....I don't have an answer.

got text friday from ex saying he made deposit. then he asked if i worked this weekend. simple answer from me. yes. he asked where..mine was Y. then he started about ins. i told him to take care of it. he was married to me for 27 years so he knows me. y should i talk to the ins agent. told him to take care of it. then he said he didnt want to argue (who was arguing?) or say words that hurt cause we both were hurting. my reply-- i refuse to let u hurt me any more. That is y we said nc. stick to our agreement. make deposits, get ins and dont contact me. dont pretend u care about me now. Then sorry I had to get a dig in and told him this was his decision and I hoped it came back to bite him in the ass!