Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Yesterday was a very wierd day for me. I had conversation with the stbx all day long, on several different occassions, about several different things. He even stopped by to drop off a blank check for supplies at Sam's Club and money for me and we talked some more.
We talked just like we used to. He filled me in on what is happening with an old friend, about his sister and bil moving back down here from up North, about setting up his new email account since he can't use the one at work. Just like an old married couple should talk. Very strange.
He asked me what my email account was because, like I said he's setting up his new one, and I changed mine recently. And then later last night I had a "test" email from him to see if he set it up properly.
My question is .... if he has a girlfriend, which you all know I'm not 100% sure of, then why didn't he send a "test" email to her?
Strange day.
We talked just like we used to. He filled me in on what is happening with an old friend, about his sister and bil moving back down here from up North, about setting up his new email account since he can't use the one at work. Just like an old married couple should talk. Very strange.
He asked me what my email account was because, like I said he's setting up his new one, and I changed mine recently. And then later last night I had a "test" email from him to see if he set it up properly.
My question is .... if he has a girlfriend, which you all know I'm not 100% sure of, then why didn't he send a "test" email to her?
Strange day.
If you're okay with him leaving - why shouldn't he be, or his family. He's happy - you're happy. I know that you're not happy - but I hope you know where I'm going with this. You give him that illusion of strength that you carry through this.
I have a dear friend who dated a married man for 13 years. Although, he was married (on paper anyway) he had not lived with his wife for 10 years prior to their meeting. (financial reasons, so he said) He had his own place as did his estranged wife (he & his wife had money). He spent time with his adult children, visited his wife - she very accepting of his OW (or so it seemed - wouldn't file for divorce). My friend was very close to his family - who also accepted her into their lives. I believe that he probably had many OW in his life prior to my friend and his wife. Well, after 13 years (and finally moving in together - bought a beautiful home together, which now belongs to my friend). He found yet another OW in his life. Maybe a couple - I don't know. This man is a very caring and gracious person in general. He LOVES all his women! It's been 7 years now since my friend and he have been apart, but he cares very much about her. He stops to see her, calls and is there (even if she tells him not), if she's ill - he's the first one there to help - as he was before. My friend accepts him as she would her brother - she says. I know the pain she had when they broke up, but she says she's okay with it now. She loves him, but not as before. He's the same way with his wife (who he IS still married to) and his children. And, probably with all the others. ?????????
I guess my point is here that your H emails you because he feels he can. He feels your love and concern. As long as you accept him for who he is and what he's done - so will he and everyone else. It doesn't mean that he doesn't have anyone else to share with (maybe he does or maybe he doesn't ) - it just means that you're there too. In his own way, he does love you - just not enough to commit to loving you.
Chrissy, it's just a whacky world out there. Sometimes things happen that there just are no answers for. The most important thing that you have to deal with - is YOU. Do for you and your family. What do YOU want? That's what's important. If you can move on and make your space a happy place - that's all that matters. How you get there and what you do to get there doesn't matter. Hold on to wait brings you peace. I wish that everyone here could find just that - peace. Good luck to you in all that you do to get on with your life. You are an inspiration here and very much loved. You are a strong and intelligent woman - I admire you for that.
Sorry AGAIN for the length - it's love driven. Hugs.
Nan is so right about eveything she said, so I will not repeat any of it.What matters is that you find a space that you are comfortable with in your communication with your STBX.If you are able to make peace with that, then you will find it easier to find your own happiness. I struggle with the communication factor everyday . I just found out my X has moved on with someonelse yet again . We still have to communicate about the kids, finances, etc.... Some days are harder than others but I can tell you that I do now hang up the phone believing that I am so much better off without him as a constant in my life.I know we will always be connected to each other but not as husband and wife.....This whole journey we are on is a process that takes time and lots of patience. Like Nan said, You are a very strong , intelligent person and your relationship will your X will continue to evolve. Hugs To You!!!!!
They do not call this crazy time for nothing!