Donna I know you have been angry at your ex. Use that anger to motivate you to make that new life for yourself. You do know you did nothing wrong the fault was within him. I refused to let the ex even think I couldn't make a life for myself. I worked extra hard to make it without him.

I do understand a little bit about how you feel. You need to preplan for weekends and days off so you stay busy. I hope you are in counseling to help you along your way. Sometimes you have to try to fake it till you make it. It just takes time and the amount of time is different for all of us. You will make a life that you learn to be happy with.

Sorry to sound like a broken record, this is normal. You will not always feel this way. You need to look at your thinking....you said " I am feeling so worthless because if he didn't love me and he knew what a loving person I was to him, then who will?"

You have lots of people who love you. Don't mark yourself as unlovable because of one person. Your life isn't over, it's just a new beginning for you. Changing the negative tapes that run in your head can change how you physically feel.

While you propose to have been happy, likely he was pretending while knowing you loved him. Deception is a monster. Who could succeed! Personally, I thank God everyday to have delivered me.

Expressing the feeling "then who will? " love you. For starters, it seems you've based this perception of yourself likely from his twisted viewpoint . Just as he's unlikely to RECOGNIZE a Rolls Royce even if he's sitting in it while thinking/treating it as if a VW, is pretty much how he devalues his long term relationship.
You're going through this process of readjustment particularly after being bombarded with rejection. Divorce hopefully teaches us to be very discerning as to who WE CHOOSE to listen for the accuracy of information concerning ourselves. It's the art of debunking. One learns to dismiss and not depend on flawed viewpoints. Get connected with women's groups. They will teach you new uplifting messages.

PS. Food for thought, what's your agenda? To pursue anyone to alleviate your fear of being alone or to pursue someone who actually adores you? It makes a difference as to how you achieve your validation.

I agree with Misred. There are lots of people who love you. You just need to look around you and see the world through different glasses. I know how hard this is. I was one of those people (and still have some days) that was so codependent on my ex and couldn't get over the fact that he left me for OW. It takes time, hard work and that willingness to make a new life. They are the flawed ones. We are just the bi-product of their flaws.

Hugs! Tomorrow is a new day and this will pass. Hugs!

I am so sorry this is so hard, it took our divorce to be final for me to really start feeling good again, two years! I often wished he had just died in a accident because I know that it would have been so much easier on me that way.
I wish I could say it was not a time issue until you feel great again but it really and truly is. Sometimes for me getting past it was a moment by moment thing.

Bless you, at some point you really will have a wonderful life again.
((hugs))

--- you keep making one major mistake in that you see yourself through your husband 's eyes, stop.
Start looking at him objectively, so him for who he is so that you can cast aside letting him frame you.

Once you do that, life can start for you,

Like Trisha said I used my anger to get motivated and move on. If I didnt I also got depressed but counseling and antidepressants also helped. Also like you I too have thought i would have been better off ifhe diedwhen
He had a blood clot in his lung and the dr said if he was an hour later getting to the ER itwould have been fatal

Now that the legal separation stuff is done I took another step forward. You will get there too
Carol

Dear Donna,

I've been where you are now several times. I'm quite sure that we all have, those of us who have gone beyond the first year or two. Healing from the pain of rejection and divorce takes a lot of time and progress includes going back to the bad parts multiple times. Think of your healing journey as an onion. You peel one layer, cry a lot, feel a little better, then you start to peel another layer and the crying happens again. But, the important thing is that you are working your way through the onion. At each step, feel what you feel and take the time to break down and cry. Each time you do, you release more of the pain. After several layers, the pain begins to lessen. You start to develop a different perspective of your new single life. You begin to want to resume doing things you once enjoyed. It takes time. If you try to skip a layer, your pain is all the worse when you finally peel those layers. You are doing what you need to do exactly as you need to. It's okay to feel lousy and sad. But, don't allow yourself to take up residence there. Scream, cry, pound your pillow, whatever allows you to release the pain. Then, make the conscious choice to do something that makes you smile and elevates your spirit. I used to allow myself an entire afternoon once a week to cry, wail, punch a bag, and do whatever I needed to work through the grief. Then, I dried my tears and got a massage and a pedicure and spent some time with my friends. After many months, I suddenly noticed that the crying and sadness didn't last as long. Eventually, it stopped altogether. I'm not even 2 years from the date of separation yet. That comes in May. You will get there, just as everyone else has said.

You're still very early in your healing and grief process. Be gentle with yourself and give it time. When you begin to feel stronger again, start reading some of the books that offer encouragement and help to shift your negative thoughts into positive ones. They really do help. You just have to be in the right frame of mind for them to have an impact.

There are people who love you, including those of us here. We are all cheerleaders for each other. And, don't think for a minute that you're the only one to have ever daydreamed about the demise of the ex. We've all done it!!! It's part of the healing.

Take good care of yourself. Sending you hugs and love and prayers for hope and peace in your heart.

Kind regards,
Kim

7 months is early in the process - be gentle to yourself. Like everyone is saying - it really does get better and some days it may feel how you feel today. Those days - dial it down and lower the expectations of what you will achieve that day. May be nothing - and that is ok. Read, watch TV, do something that occupies your mind - whatever works for you. Even consider sleep if you can - don't worry about what time of day it is. Sleep turns your brain off and allows you much needed rest. Reading - I go online and check reviews on amazon for books on this topic and the go to my local library internet site and reserve multiple books. I read, read, read - journal. When I'm down - I make sure I read so I drill positive thoughts in my head and never feel alone in this journey. My friends and family are the best - but the books help where they are not able to ( usually at the 1 am mark). Take it day-by-day - until you are stronger to do more than that. You set the schedule - no one else. Sending Big Hugs your way!