Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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mom2two 04/05/2008

Well, I was married for 19 and together for 23years. Two beautiful kids, twins - 14 going on 20 boy and girl. Divorce was final on 3/24/08 although the crap wont be over for a longtime. We lived on a farm, his parents farm. He got the 30 acres, I got the house and 2 acres for the next 2 1/2 years at which time it will be sold and split. I still havent figured that out yet. I guess the kids will be old enough to handle the transition. Not sure. Think I should be able to stay in the house as he was the one who chose to have a girlfriend but I guess it doesnt work that way. Too tired to appeal that craziness. I am 45, started back to school part-time and have been working part-time for the last 5 years after being home for the previous 10 taking care of the kids, which I would do all over again. I am going for my RN degree, but it will take a while, half way their. I am still find myself just now coming off of autopilot and realizing that I am starting over. Any suggestions??

deleted_user 04/05/2008

I am going through the same thing right now. Husband left, has a new girlfriend. Doing things with them that he never did with us. But wow! I am proud of you. Getting your life back, going back to school. That is great. You may not realize it now but you already started to make great progress is starting over. Good luck with school and being there for your children. You are showing them you are a strong women.

deleted_user 04/05/2008

mom2two sounds like you have already started. I hope your x is supporting you while you go to school.

deleted_user 04/05/2008

Going back to school is a great plan. RN no less, you are headed in the right direction. I am also a mom of twins, boy and girl now 24. One thing I would suggest is that you go to dinner with your friends at least once every couple weeks or get together with them more often if possible. My friends were the ones who held me up during this whole ordeal. I also made a quilt that I named my divorce quilt. I put alot of energy and time into that and it kept me busy for those first months immediately following my divorce. I got a dog too from the local animal charity and walked him a couple times a day for 15 minutes even when it was bitter cold outside. Exercise is great.

deleted_user 04/07/2008

I too am starting over after 22 years of marraige.. It was my choice to leave.. there really was no happiness in my life.. just alot of loneliness..living like strangers.. I think I am still in the shock stage.. not sure what the stages should be..I left 1 1/2 years ago and we have just started the legal process. up until I found this place i have tried to go it alone, I now realize that won't work.. I think the hardest part for me is missing my "old life".. not necessarily missing him but my old home my daily routine, everything seems so foreign..

deleted_user 04/07/2008

Congratulations on going back to school--what an accomplishment! That fist big step is always the hardest and here you are already headed in the right direction--be proud of yourself.

I am a RN and it has been my saving grace. I was a stay at home mom of 4 (including twin girls) for years and when our marriage fell apart, I stepped right back into my profession and have been able to support myself and my two children still at home in a comfortalbe manner. We have to be careful, but are making it. It's a great job, I love it and I hope you do too. With a huge nursing shortage and the population getting older, we will always be able to work.

I'm proud of you and excited for you too. Good luck!

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