Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
How did you all get the through the loneliness following your divorce? I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed by it. I have chosen not to date quite yet. I know I'm not ready. I know that is a wise decision. But it's tough when the world around me seems to revolve around couples. My friends in town, who are all great, love them dearly, are all married and busy with their families. We get together occasionally and it's always fun. But, it's just not often enough. My best friend just moved away. Nights are the worst. Weekends are almost as bad. How do I get through this? The loneliness is awful. Feeling just miserable. Nothing makes me happier than a houseful of family and friends! But now, it's so very quiet.
Although I volunteered with a ministry group, a reform group, and working with some homeless youth, before my divorce, I upped the amount of time and projects I've taken on. They get me out of the house, and out of my self, a great benefit during the last 2 years since my divorce.
Being mindful of my many blessings has been a huge help. When I start feeling down, I try to focus on my blessings, my family, having a home, air conditioning on a hot day, meals to share with homeless kids, a visit to the birdbath by a tree frog.... some are great blessings, some very small, but focusing on them instead of what I don't/can't have, really makes a difference in my head. It's like I'm still lonely, but not as alone.
I've also changed my TV and reading habits. I'm focusing on growing personally and spiritually, getting outside more, to become closer to the Source, and learning new skills; crafts, art, gardening and cooking techniques. Staying away from the Rom-Coms and other movies (except, for some reason, Poldark on Masterpiece Theater- go figure!) has helped me clear some more of the "Disney Princess in need of saving" BS from my head.
I'm doing better, and looking for new ways to meet people for friendship. Just not having a lot of success there, however my acquaintance circle has multiplied exponentially!! Not a lot of close connections, too bad, but not having to spend 6 out of 7 evenings on my own.
As for it being so quiet, I use that to work on my inner connections, and when it gets to me, I crank up the blues and get to dusting the house!! LOL.
This site has been a big help too. I can't read what these good people write and continue to feel like I'm all alone in the world. It's not that misery loves company..... more like empathetic and compassionate company helps alleviate misery.
Hope you know you're not really alone, and that we care.
i don't beyond
don't be in a hurry to connect with someone
BUT don't shutdown so much so that it can't happen
i shutdown like that for too long, for me such a thing is worse than suicide
You might want to try dating - after all it's just a date. You can get your feet wet to see if your really ready!
There is also meetups - it's a great way to meet people doing what you like to do. They have everything from hiking to movies to dinners... It's something you could try to widen your circle of friends.
It's work to jump into something like that, but anything worth while takes work. You'll get there. It simply takes time - try to do what makes you happy. (((Hugs)))
I think when we get lonely like that, it's time to make a connection with ourselves and learn to love ourselves.
I agree with the others about doing things for others, volunteering and giving in general to others. Even taking good care of your pet and garden is caring for something else that makes you feel less alone.
There is a difference between alone and lonely, too. You can be quite content alone, but loneliness is miserable.
Reach out to someone. Talk to the neighbour over the fence. Make a cake for someone in need. Be kind to the rude people you come across. Call an elderly relative or friend. Walking outside barefoot is one of my favourites:)
We are here. We understand.
love and hugs
kamary