I agree with you, it sucks and it is depressing. You have plans for the future - good for you. Don't let anyone take those dreams away from you. There will be stumbling blocks - many of them.

Do you belong to a divorce care group or a religious community? Maybe they can find another woman who is in the same situation and you can share expenses? How about renting a room from someone who is having financial issues? I had a male friend who was divorced and rented a room from professionals who traveled a lot and he took care of the house - it was a win-win situation. He found 3 such situations. I rent a house with my two daughters. They are single and never home - it's as if I have my own place without the full expense. Of course, I have the responsibility of the dog and do most of the housework as I'm able, but I enjoy both.

It was hard but I've reached out to whomever I can- I'm very independent. It's amazing how many good people who are out there who want to help you. You can network through friends, family, Facebook friends. People know people who need help in some way and the more people in the loop, someone can come up with a solution that could help you as well as others.

I've hated my ex too and sometimes, it gets the best of me. I feel that hate is not a healthy emotion. I cry, scream, punch my pillow - sometimes, throw things. I've learned to work through that emotion and get it all out. I feel so much better afterwards.

My journey has only been 9 months and I've had the rug pulled out from under me multiple times. I have lost it - even felt hopeless, but I prayed to God to give me strength. I felt like a burden and thought the world would be better off without me - not true. We all have a purpose for being here at this moment in time. Our trials are for a reason. We can't see the reason and it's overwhelming at times. There will be a silver lining in all of this - it might not be today or tomorrow, but someday you will see it. Take care of yourself. Vent here whenever you need to, this is an awesome group.

thanks for those encouraging words. I needed so much to hear them.

RED FLAGS!!!

Umm... boyfriend already? Ummm... you're financially as unstable as it gets? Ummm.... this is the X's fault? boyfriend is getting divorced?!!!! ENGAGED?!!!!

TROUBLE IS COMING WITH A CAPITAL T!!!

Find a women's shelter and check into low income housing NOW. Put the boyfriend on hold.... YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN. If you want to be friends, fine, but WAIT on everything else for a year, maybe two, AFTER the divorce and find out WHY he's getting divorced (cheating being one reason!!!) Find who YOU are first... get yourself financially sound so there's no reason financial control over you can happen... and FIX those emotions that are making you LEAN on others.

Only THEN will you be ready for a relationship... if he's THE ONE, he'll still be there... if he's not, you'll be able to see that early. Good luck!

It might be advised for you to be seen by a clinician to be supervised with medication to help with your depression. One's unstable living future can easily compound one's sense of depression while going through poor economical and financial times. There's no question, depression also affects the decisions of the type of personal relationships you want to engage.

The fact your boyfriend lives with his parents, is in process of divorce , and suppose to get engaged seems to be a plan that is dangerously lacking in security and stability. There are too many unknowns and conditions to support ideas of vesting thoughts of marriage at this point of time. Hope based on instabilities could be unwise.

Try to get into a counselor's office and women's groups for self improvement. Check with your local churches for living arrangements and medical help if needed. They are a God sent for assisting you back onto your feet. Good luck.

Good advice from all. This sounds like you need to slow down and get yourself on track and be independant first before you are to have a relationship. The fact is you have had it bad and deserve much comfort and empathy. I do emplore you to do as toby says and get some counselling and possibly meds.
I hope this helps!

I'm with mtlionbait -- this whole scenario looks like trouble with a capital T to me.

Yep, Trouble with a capital T and a whole lot of drama to follow. I hope you will seek help to get your life back on a healthy track. I'm afraid the path you are on will lead to much heartache and regret. Take care of you!

Maybe its me but I feel like maybe the story is not clear or maybe i am being misunderstood. I dont quite understand why my ex could move forward quick into another relationship WHILE STILL in it with me before he finally left and he could make a life for himself yet everyone (well not everyone) is stating they see trouble coming my way with a capital T etc etc. First i want to say i just did not meet this guy i am with now. I knew him since almost childhood. We have alot in common as opose to my ex. We have suffered the same pain. (Yea i know what ya gonna say next) you are together just to help each other get over; NO it is not that way at all. We love each other and there is nothing wrong with trying to make a future for ourselves. We both know what we want. I did not leave my apartment because they through me out or cause i was backed up in rent; (even though that is not what i said in my post anyway) i left my first apartment (the one i shared with my ex) due to memories; i needed to move on and get away from the apartment we both shared. I got into my first real apartment and lived there for 2 yrs with my son and grandkids. I was able to pay the rent but it was very difficult but I did IT. Now i want to have my own apartment without my son and grandkids cause when i get married i need my own place and cant take them all with me, so he chose to go with his mother in law. I chose my only option; my friend; the ONLY one who offered to help me out so i could save the money and get something good for me by January. If my new mates wife chose to cheat on him too and move forward why can't he? We have the right to both be happy. There is no time. Nobody could say i should wait two years after the divorce. There is no time to fall in love; no time to get over a divorce; no time to start over etc. I am not rushing. I have been split up 2 yrs now and my mate almost 2 also. If i were rushing i would be with him and not care what anyone would say but i am trying to do things right. The only real reason why i am depressed is cause i want to be with him already settled and well. I want to go on with my life; everyone else did. I am not with anyone for financial reasons. I have two jobs. I made more than my ex and make more than my new mate slightly. together we will make a little more than 80,000. I am not in the streets. I am just waiting or at least trying to wait patiently for my time to come to be HAPPY. THAT IS ALL. yes mtlionbait is right Maybe i shouldnt put the fault on my ex for my situation. But really would i be in this situation if he hadnt walked out? NO!! I didnt choose this for me; he did.

Gotta go with the others on this one. You are basically the "other woman" in this man's marriage. You need to find out why he's getting a divorce. Does his wife know about you? Let's face it--like the old saying says, "If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you."

The rushed feeling of this relationship really gives me pause--where is the time for healing?

Do check out women's shelters, etc. to see if you can find more stable housing. And yes, try to see a doctor about some meds for depression. When a person is depressed, he/she can make some really poor decision because the depression is fueling the decision making. I would hate to see you marry the guy, get over your depression and then say, "What the heck did I do?"

Slow down. Get your basic life (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) back on track.

Hugs!

Thanks for clarifying--I didn't see your last post because I was typing mine.

Sorry, I still have the same thoughts as the others. You have to know YOU and the boyfriend needs some time to know himself and heal. I've been single 3 years--lived totally alone the entire time, and am still finding new parts of my old self. We all know how broken we were at the point in life that your boyfriend is. I would not want to bring someone into my life that hasn't done the work (very hard work) to mend their spirit. We tend to have "knee jerk" reactions to our past and I don't want to "replace" the issues of another person. Be strong.

rbsingle:
After reading your "rebuttal" I'm even more convinced that you ought to SLOW DOWN and give this a lot of careful consideration before walking down the aisle (of course, you probably have SOME time to do that if the bf isn't divorced yet).

You wrote: " I am just waiting or at least trying to wait patiently for my time to come to be HAPPY. THAT IS ALL." I personally believe that you have to learn to be happy with yourself all by yourself before you can be happy with someone else. NO ONE can make YOU happy but YOU. If you think otherwise, no wonder you are depressed right now.

Something else you wrote: "Maybe i shouldnt put the fault on my ex for my situation. But really would i be in this situation if he hadnt walked out? NO!! I didnt choose this for me; he did." That's a pretty clear sign that you are far from healed and you don't want to take your still-wounded spirit into a new marriage. A marriage is SUPPOSED to be a joining of strengths -- NOT of WEAKNESSES or NEEDINESS.

I say it all the time -- Until you reach the point of totally letting go of what WAS, you really aren't equipped to manage what is yet to be. Take some time to focus just on YOU -- what YOU want out of life; and learn to be your own best friend. Until you learn to love yourself ALL BY YOURSELF, you cannot expect someone else to love you the way in which you deserve.

You've got time! The old saying "Marry in haste -- repent in leisure" definitely holds true IMO.

Waiting to be happy isn't good. You have to be able to be happy on your own or else you are giving the other person the power to take away your happiness. That happened with your x and now you can't be happy till you marry your married bf. Can you see how you are setting this up again?

If you felt settled, secure, powerful and happy would you choose to date a married man who is telling you his side of the story about his x and living with his parents?

Lots of red flags here. You have to see your part in all of this. When you recognize how much power you gave x over your happiness you will see that you don't need to do that. Taking responsibility for your happiness is the best thing you can do. Make yourself strong by learning and growing, go to groups and classes and develop friendships with other women who are living the life you want to live.

Wishing you the best, you deserve it.