Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Yesterday, April 3rd, I signed my final divorce papers. My 21st Anniversary is in 6 days - April 9th. Almost 21 years to the day we got married, we got divorced. Ironic huh.
What a battle it turned out to be. It was a virtual test of who wanted it more - and of course he wanted the divorce so he caved. Originally, on the original docket my spouosal support was supposed to begin on the day of the divorce. Well, since he's not working, that meant my spousal support started with ZERO support. Also he's already told me it will take 2-3 years to get this business up and profitable, so another possible 2-3 years of ZERO spousal support.
Well I got to thinking.....if my 8 years of spousal support started on the day of my divorce and I didn't actually get any money from him for 2-3 years, then I've missed 2-3 years of money from him and he would only have to pay 5 years instead of 8. So....I threw a wrench in the mix and I told him (and his fricken ass of a lawyer) that I wanted spousal support to start the day he started acutally giving me money. At first my X balked, but then he agreed. But his fricken ass of a lawyer said NO that it was not the norm and it was unacceptable. He told my X that this is unheard of and to not allow it. So at that point my X started to get nasty and fight me on this.
That's when the battle began.
Long story short - I told my X that if he wanted this divorce so badly, and he does, that this was his one and only choice. After many heated words, I finally told him that I was NOT signing the papers today. I told him that I have all the time in the world and that he's the one who wants this over with so badly. If our papers were not turned into the court TODAY, our whole divorce case would have been dismissed. So, he finally caved and said OK and went against the advice of his lawyer.
I got a lot off my chest with him while we were waiting at the lawyers office, but I'll journal about that a little later.
So the divorce papers are signed and my spousal support starts from the day he starts actually giving me support. It was a very difficult day to say the least. A lot of crying on my part.....very puffy eyes today. But it is truly over - 21 years after it started.
What a battle it turned out to be. It was a virtual test of who wanted it more - and of course he wanted the divorce so he caved. Originally, on the original docket my spouosal support was supposed to begin on the day of the divorce. Well, since he's not working, that meant my spousal support started with ZERO support. Also he's already told me it will take 2-3 years to get this business up and profitable, so another possible 2-3 years of ZERO spousal support.
Well I got to thinking.....if my 8 years of spousal support started on the day of my divorce and I didn't actually get any money from him for 2-3 years, then I've missed 2-3 years of money from him and he would only have to pay 5 years instead of 8. So....I threw a wrench in the mix and I told him (and his fricken ass of a lawyer) that I wanted spousal support to start the day he started acutally giving me money. At first my X balked, but then he agreed. But his fricken ass of a lawyer said NO that it was not the norm and it was unacceptable. He told my X that this is unheard of and to not allow it. So at that point my X started to get nasty and fight me on this.
That's when the battle began.
Long story short - I told my X that if he wanted this divorce so badly, and he does, that this was his one and only choice. After many heated words, I finally told him that I was NOT signing the papers today. I told him that I have all the time in the world and that he's the one who wants this over with so badly. If our papers were not turned into the court TODAY, our whole divorce case would have been dismissed. So, he finally caved and said OK and went against the advice of his lawyer.
I got a lot off my chest with him while we were waiting at the lawyers office, but I'll journal about that a little later.
So the divorce papers are signed and my spousal support starts from the day he starts actually giving me support. It was a very difficult day to say the least. A lot of crying on my part.....very puffy eyes today. But it is truly over - 21 years after it started.
You are incredible...such strength and grace. Your kids must have so much respect for you ...Way more than he can say for himself.
God bless
Peace and Joy
x0x0xx0
"The decision to let go may be the most important one you ever make."
I read this in a magazine and love it! Just wanted to share. :D
I'm sorry you're hurting.
Hugs!
Hugs beautiful. Look out world! There isn't a damn thing that can get in your way!