Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Shall I stay or shall I go?

webber5824
webber5824
After 22 years of marriage, I just found out that my husband was having an online correspondence for 8 months with his high-school girlfriend. She lives in another city, but with the access of the internet they have made a connection over Facebook. I am not on Facebook but he kept his account open on the computer when he went off to do something. I innocently went to the computer to do something and their the conversation was. She had sent him a photo of herself and he complemented her on her cleavage. I feel degraded, angry, disappointed and cheated upon. Unfortunately, he claims he was just "chatting" and "flirting" with her but because she was not in our city and he had not seen her in 30 years, all was ok. Admittedly, our relationship has been breaking down. We married later in life and have a teenage daughter. I don't even know if I love him anymore or even like him - trust to me was and is paramount. I am not sure if any of you have experience this but I am looking for much-needed advice. Like the song says: "Should I stay or should I go?"
deleted_user
deleted_user
That is such a complex question. I think the key is when you acknowledge that your relationship was already breaking down. The fb issue is just a symptom. How about counseling for the two of you?
kamary
kamary
Hi webber. Yes, a very complex question.

When I had to decide, it began with a definite voice in my head saying "Get out. Get out. Get out." It was very hard to ignore that. But that little voice came at the end of many years of unhappiness, of feeling ignored and unloved, and of being emotionally and verbally abused. I was also seriously doubting my love for him. He used to flirt in front of me!! and I put up with that and believed his lies about nothing else happening.

You're the only person who can answer this question and it will come from your heart and not your head. I wrote a list of pros and cons, thought about all the years of love and all the years of no love, considered my children, both families, but when it all boiled down, what really answered my question was "Can I stand another 20 years of this life?"

All the best with our decision. It's not an easy one to make. I'll be praying for you.

love and hugs
kamary
kamary
kamary
sorry. "your decision".
webber5824
webber5824
Thank you both for your words of support. Funny, these things never just "happen", do they? I agree with you both that I have to do some serious soul searching and take the time now to see where this event will take me and us. This is a wake-up call for us both. Obviously, things need to change for both of us. I have made an appointment with a counsellor and we are both willing to go and explore our issues. I am old enough to know that marriage is hard, hard work! I will keep you posted of our progress (or lack thereof!)

Bless you.
KRKing911
KRKing911
Jeez, your in a tough spot. You have to think about what you really want. Do some reading. Divorce is hard - no matter what the reason. It's not something anyone ever signs up for it's kind of forced upon everyone for the most part. I truly hope the counseling helps. Many time it can turn things around and it is my hope that it does for you. Many blessings to you on your journey.