Goldengir, are you working, or will this be your only source of income? Are you in a no-fault state? Do you trust your attorney?

Sorry that you are going through this - its very stressful - I have an ogre myself and we are going to trial.
Hang in there.

Staying - I have been looking for a job for almost a year…not even a call back. However, I have to say that I have not been able to look on a full-time basis. So many other things that have had to come first…selling my house, dealing with attorneys, financial planner, my daughter's issues, looking for a new place to live, many other things. I look forward to when I can jump into the search full-time and focus on networking. At the age of 56, I think networking is probably the key. Haven't had much luck just applying for jobs.

This will be my main source of income. I was a stay-at-home mom for 20 years.

Do I trust my attorney? I trust her but she's young and inexperienced. That makes me nervous. She did a divorce for a friend of mine and they were happy with her. So, that's how I wound up with her. She's also pretty responsive unlike the other 2 I had, who didn't think twice about not returning emails at all.

I just took half of everything and more. I was working at that time. Canadian laws are different. But if you do not feel comfortable about it, say so. Do not hold back. Demand everything and more. Stand your ground. No matter how nice or bitchy we are, they will still get angry beyond reasons. So if they think that we are being unreasonable, why make liars out of them. Go for it, girlfriend. You will be fine

I'm not sure there is such thing as an "average settlement" as there are just too many variables to consider. However, in all the research I have done on this subject over the years, I have drawn the conclusion that in cases where the divorcing couple cannot come to an agreement between themselves and the matter goes before the court, most of the time everything is divided 50/50 -- and that's debt AND assets. It doesn't seem to make much difference if you live in a community property OR equitable distribution state -- the courts DON'T LIKE having to divide the spoils of war, so the worst you could end up with is 50%. But again, that's debt AND assets.

After considering THAT figure, the court then has the right to order Alimony paid to one or the other. While that is also subject to a lot of different considerations (your age, health, length of marriage, education, etc.) the national average amount for Alimony is 33% of the higher earning spouse's income. It is EXPECTED that the spouse being awarded alimony (and this would be called "rehabilitative" alimony because it's supposed to help tide you over until you can become financially self-sufficient) will actively seek full-time employment and/or further training and education which will enable you to secure gainful employment. If you are 56, you are looking at 10 years before you can start collecting Social Security. That's a pretty long time.

In cases where Alimony is determined by the court, such Alimony will remain under the continuing jurisdiction of the court -- that means, you may have to provide PROOF that you are doing everything you can in pursuit of the self-sufficient goal. This is why my attorney and I INSISTED on an out of court settlement which INCLUDED Alimony. As I finally was able to convince the now-X that he was getting a better deal from me than he would from the judge, he signed on the dotted line at the absolute 11th hour before we were to go to trial on the matter. This is the most advantageous way to do it, because if he pulled any monkey business, I could get him back into court to enforce the agreement. The terms of it were NOT under the continuing jurisdiction of the court -- it was a stand-alone, legally binding contract between the two of us. And thank God, he never gave me any trouble. He was two days late ONCE in 6 years.

I hope this all works out for you. I'm not sure my confidence would be real high with a young and inexperienced attorney. I hope she is prepared for the eventuality that you won't reach an out of court settlement and be willing (and experienced enough) to go to bat for you in a court of law.

In any event, I would be asking HER the question you posed here. My attorney was able to quote statistics off the top of her head because she had been practicing family law for 20 years when I retained her.

And just remember -- like knuckle said only in different words: If you don't ASK, you don't GET!