Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
So, my husband submitted his response to the first draft of our agreement. Basically, he cut all the big numbers in half(the alimony, the life insurance, his contribution to my VISA balance, which is now over $13,000. Anyone else's spouse do that? Seems like a rather dramatic initial response. We basically put down what I need. We didn't just pull a number out of the air. Should be interesting to see what my attorney suggests we do at this point.
Good luck with everything-it stinks and sometimes goes on forever-don't be surprised by anything he does.
I am amazed at how SNEAKY my husband is being. He's not an aggressive, mean kind of a guy. With him, it's what he DOESN'T say that matters. He quietly "gave" me the house but included in that little deal was $283,000 remaining on the mortgage! Ugh.
I can always tell when I'm about to get screwed because he does something nice for me to relieve the guilt he feels. Before he and his attorney submitted their response, my husband brought over a photograph of mine that I won an award for, just "thought you might want to have it." Well, yes, but I knew that there was more to it and there was. A response that cut $250,000 out my share in the agreement. Geez…he's such a wolf in sheep's clothing!
I am not at ALL surprised as this is pretty typical of "round one." I can't remember what state you reside in, but if it's EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION, then just laugh out loud at his first comeback and get back in there! Your settlement (if you are in an Equitable Distribution state) should take into account both yours and his EARNING history and earning potential. It will also take into account any time YOU spent being the primary care-giver/stay at home mom. That is WORK and it IS worth something! And I'm not sure you are actually "getting" the house if there's so much remaining on the mortgage. You will have to get enough alimony to cover the payments if you aren't employed and even if you ARE, you will want enough total income to take care of fixing anything that may need fixing around there in the next couple of years.
Your VISA balance is high because you have had little or no financial support from him since he left. YOU SHOULD HAVE 100% OF THAT REIMBURSED because HE is the one who took off WITH ALL YOUR MONEY. And, just one more thing -- since you don't have a "legal separation agreement" at this point, 50 cents of every dollar he has earned since moving out is legally YOURS. Don't forget that!
The X played all these same games with me for the first 9 months. Then I got angry and turned my attorney loose on his sorry behind. In the end he would have been much better off to settle with me early -- and FAIRLY.
This is the time to SHOW HIM WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF! There's no room for "being nice" in the financial part of divorce. The only thing that will get you is screwed with your pants on! Hang in there, kiddo! And hang TOUGH!.
Two weeks ago his atty was supposed to write up the final papers but I haven't heard anything.
Try not to worry (I know you do :)) and just let your atty handle it. Do not give him anything-sometimes it's hard after so many years together to see him as your total enemy, but he is.
I was so lucky we did our settlement on the first round
(((Hugs)))$
This is a typical response from a runaway husband--try not to be surprised. They think they can just walk away with no responsibilities--they are wrong!!
Hang in there and work with your attorney. My ex did the same kind of "bullshit baby games." I finally got mad and took the leash of my attorney and she went after him like a dog goes after a bone. Get tough, hang in there, and be patient. These long-term divorces can take time (mine took 11 months), but in the end you can prevail, get what you need and live a good life.
Hugs of strength to you.