I'm going through this right now myself. I flip flop between absolutely hating anything male to really missing that intimacy. I'm hoping in time I will balance out. Not sure I will ever want a real relationship again...at least not right now. I have huge trust issues and disappointment to overcome before I can ever invite anyone else into my life. It's hard just for me to say I am single.

I think our creator made us to enjoy each others company and to pair up so it is normal or natural to have the desire you are describing. I did too. I have a wonderful life but there were times when I was lonely and I am the type of person who enjoyed what little alone time I could get while I was married LOL oh the irony. You have a couple of choices...either date around until you find someone compatible or go about your normal life and wait for your paths to cross. I dated and some of them were real jerks, one broke my heart and another one just "switched gears" all the sudden and dropped me like a hot potato. I am now in an exclusive relationship with a man who is much more suitable than any of the others were and we celebrated our 1 year anniversary of our 1st date in February. I had my doubts because he had never married and had no children of his own so I was afraid he might not be able to relate or understand when my kids need me, so far it has not been an issue. He's great and has a large wonderful loving family.

Dating sites are tough because you're "putting yourself out there." Kind of feels like you have to sell yourself. But if you live in a large city like I do, you can meet someone who you might not ever cross paths with otherwise. I think you just have to develop tough skin while you are doing it. Pay attention, but don't over analyze your dates...and don't judge too quickly. Go out on a few dates and then decide. And NO SEX so you don't get emotionally attached to someone who doesn't care about you.

guess I rambled some too :)

Yes, I go through those days. Sometimes when I'm heading home alone after having a great time with others, the tears just overflow. I miss having someone to talk to, to share things with, and to just be with in the car and in my home.

I've been on my own since I moved out in August 2008. I had several invitations to go out with men in the early days but it was too early then, and none of them pushed my buttons, so to speak.

Here I am 4 1/2 years on, and my main problem is trust. I don't want to go through it all again. My ex was a honey in the early days and changed later. What if I meet a honey and that happens again?

I have to admit that I've missed having someone I could be with and enjoy talking to for a very long time - not just since I left my ex, but while I was still with him.

I think I'm disappointed that someone hasn't come along by now, too. I guess I must have had some crazy notion that I would find a new and better man fairly quickly - a knight in shining armour? LOL. I didn't think I'd be alone for an extended period of time like this.

However, I believe that things happen in their own time and at the right time, so I'm certain that the day will come when someone who is a loving, caring person will turn up and sweep me off my feet:)

You can't hurry love, they reckon.

love and hugs
kamary

Yes, I know where that is at too. As a matter of fact my post says how do i? I mean, I don't know that I want "a relationship" but I know I have been really isolated and once my youngest leaves for basic, It will be just me. I don't want to go through all the bs again. I just don't know how. I was thinking of joining planet fitness it is cheap only 10 bucks a month and I could meet some people plus exercise too. Yes, I could use exercise seeing as how I am still uneasy about walking around outside unless it is in a mall or a store or my back yard or my work. Cant get past just walking to the corner just yet. Don't know where all that anxiety is from but anyway.
Maybe you could try Meet UP. They have a over 50 progressive singles group here where I live maybe that would be a good start.

Well, I'm not there yet - and really just don't want to take the chance, but from what I've read, you have to be open to it... From where I sit right now, yes, I do miss the intimacy, but I do NOT miss the problems. Let's just face facts. Men do not make things easier... They complicate things...

Once your ready to have your life complicated - then, start looking. You have to just date, date and date - open yourself up to that whole new world. If it's meant to be - you'll find it.

xxoo

Been there and Hugs to you. I know I still need alittle selfwork before I can put myself out there. But I know if I never get out there! I will never meet that companion and will forever be alone. Good luck and Lots of Big Hugs!!

You sound ready to date to me. I think Misred had some great comments.

You're happy with your life, settled in a career, have a close family, good friends, confident about yourself. But something is missing for you. I get that! My life is not nearly as settled as you but once the pain subsided from my separation and eventual divorce, and I started to enjoy my life again, I wanted to date as well. I think I was ready. I knew it would be a learning curve, but I enjoyed going on the odd date. In fact, I think it built my confidence up to put myself out there and meet 'blind' dates. It can be exhilarating AND exhausting depending on where you're at! And sometimes you may meet someone that likes you and wants to see you again, but you don't want that and have to say no. That can be tough...lots of men are hurting and lonely too. Sure, some just want sex. But many want a companion just like us!

I recently had a short dating 'relationship' and got dumped and it hurt like hell. For a week. Then...I got over it. It's NOTHING like being in a committed love relationship and having it end. If anything, it makes you stronger as you realize first hand that other people have different triggers, motivations, ways of thinking and living. Sometimes it jives with you, and sometimes it doesn't!

I was going to take my profile down recently and the very same day (no kidding!) a super nice guy contacted me. We chatted a little and then met. That was a month ago. He has been dating for 5 years and I am brand new so we are in different places (he likes me and wants to go full steam ahead) and I've made it VERY clear to him that I have a lot going on, am working on myself, and although I like him, I need to take it slow. I'm excited and flattered to have his attention....but I'm pragmatic about it.

My advice? Take your time, don't get too discouraged, but if it's important to you to meet someone, keep in mind that it does take quite a bit of effort to keep dating to find a 'match'. Take a break sometimes to refresh yourself...but you never know what's around the corner. Keep hopeful - there are PLENTY of nice guys out there. Never give up on love. In the end, there is always love :)

Thank you all. Today is still a rough day in this area. Usually I am good during the week (have work and other activities to keep me busy) but the weekends are tough.

I know what everyone means about the trust issues and the relationship. I want it but am so guarded of picking the wrong man. I really don't THINK I will? but there is always that chance right? I am pretty sure I don't want to get married again but I hate to say never.

Misred - you give me hope!

I also think that part of the need was to show myself that while I was rejected by one (who now seems to be acting like he wants to reconcile...hahah that ship sailed buddy - especially when you moved her into our house) that I might be desireable to someone else.

It will happen. I am just trying to take this time to really define what it is that I want in a SO and not settle for less just because I am lonely!

Cheers to us all

RE: I also think that part of the need was to show myself that while I was rejected by one ......... that I might be desireable to someone else.

I've wondered that about myself too. That maybe I had to prove to my EX-H that I'm good enough to be in some kind of stable relationship.

I also have trust issues. The only thing that keeps them at bay is my faith in God. Otherwise I would be a mess. There are times when I want to warn my daughter about guys could do this or that. I don't want her to grow up and be fearful of every man. My grandmother did that to one of my Aunts and she never married. Not that I think marriage is for everyone, but we had such great fun with her when we were little and she would of made a wonderful Mom. We all have our own path

(((HUGS))))

I know where you are coming from. I was married for over 20 yrs. Divorced finally after many hard rides. Our main problem was my boys from my first marriage. He just never connected, and let them know. They had many problems as teenagers and I blammed it on him not being there for them, nor was there dad, and myself as I enabled them to try and make up for it all. Finally I just said enough, after all of this time it isnt going to get better. Why so long? I really dont know :( My kids are all grown now, and still have some issues, one is on methodone to stop with over the counter pain pills, and this stuff is even harder to quit! He is trying everything he can, and my x just hates him. It got to the point he wasnt allowed in our home. And I just couldnt understand how I was supposed to be ok with that. My other son is an alcholic, and my x is ok with THAT as he drinks a lot too. My youngest, ours together is actually a well rounded young man! go figure, two parents there for him all the time. The funny thing is, other than that we were actually good together, but that cloud hung on. We have been divorced 3 yrs, and have 8 grandkids, with my kids and his and of course now he doesnt see the others as HIS. which breaks my heart :( I finally miss the closeness, and someone in bed at night, and at least "feeling" someone always had my back. I have my mother living with me, my granddaughter who is 16 and 2 dogs and 4 cats, and my kids and all the other grands are over alot, so you would think a person wouldnt get lonely ? I finally signed up for a dating service, and got some hits, but nothing made me feel connected to them. I dont know how to talk to them. I dont know how to flirt, I dont know how to be SINGLE! I have always worked, but have always just wanted to be wife, mother, grandmother, now I find myself alone. Its funny, when I was married and met men I could flirt, and picture myself with someone else even. Now I cant! lol I used to be able to turn heads, now if they are turning it isnt my way :( I dont know who I am or where I am going or where I want to go anymore! I still see my x all the times. Our family is way intertwined. Our youngest lives with him, and gets his son who is 2 every other week, and I am close to my sons soon to be x, who is always here. My older son lived with him for 2 yrs, and now lives right next to him. My middle is the one he hates. My oldest has 3 x girlfriends with kids and I am close to all of them, and they are all stil a big part of all of us and our get togethers. My x hasnt gotten a new girlfriend yet, and i dont know how I will handle it when/if he does. My x had heart issues and had open heart surgery almost 2 months ago, and I was the main one caring for him, and thought, maybe..and so did he, and we said we would just see where it went. I didnt move back, and slowly just didnt go over as much. Finally didnt go over at all, and I am at the point that if he does want me, he can try and "catch" me this time. LOL only he is trying! lol and I am so confused on it all. why do I even want to? is it just because it is the devil you know? because for sure nothing will change, I DO know that, even tho he is civil when my son is around (at my house). So yeah, I still go to my dating site, and I still try and talk to these guys, but havent made the next step to try and actually talk to any on the phone and heaven forbide meet them! lol I even thought maybe I need to have SEX and that would get me out of it, so I chose my landlord, yeah, of all people! but we both knew it was just sex, and we are ok with that. Only happened the once, and it just wasnt "right" I guess I am not cut out to have sex without the love. Wish I was. Many days I just want to cry, but you know, I havent cried once not for anything since I walked out. Today has been really hard. As I said, my mom lives with me, she is 84, and some days difficult, and my 16 yr granddaughter, who as you can imagine has her own issues to deal with (living with granddma instead of her parents says it all) and the finances, and my job has given me lots of stress. I just feel some days I would like to just disappear!

Oh boy do I get the wanting to disappear. Just in case anyone ever wonders where I got to, if I should disappear, check out the caves at Ayer's Rock. LOL. I've often thought how lovely and far away from everything that would be:)

But nice as that thought may be, it just means we're a bit tired. We're struggling a little with things at the moment. A good night's sleep, some fun time with friends or getting a massage for yourself, will send those thoughts away again.

You sound as though you're doing a mammoth job of keeping it all together and that gets tiring sometimes. I think you could benefit from some me-time, and take care of you a little bit, newwings.

love and hugs
kamary

New - I have learned that I am too am not a person that can have casual sex. Maybe one day, but right now...no. I am really hoping I get past these feelings. If only I could get to the root of the feelings then maybe it would help.

We have all come so far in our lives but yet seem to have so far to go as well. I will get there, I WAS there...I am just still upset with myself that I was sucked back in to feeling sorry for him when he treated me so badly

What's wrong with not being able to have casual sex? You are not alone in that group. And there are men who feel that way too. Nothing wrong with it. Please don't feel like their is something wrong with you

"Casual sex" denotes sleeping with someone with no deep, caring feelings or emotional attachment. It's not the same as having sex with someone with whom you are in a committed and monogamous relationship in my view. I just wanted to make that point!