You need to have your atty go into court and get you temp support. Then you can work on the settlement. If I remember correctly you live in my state. It took 19 months for my divorce to be final.

First hearing at the end of the month when I had him served was for temp support. I filed fault and could have been divorced without waiting a year. As soon as the settlement was approved by the judge I refiled for one year separation. That kept me on his health insurance.

You may be separated but you're not divorced. Some of your bills should be paid by your stbx. Is he in a hurry to get divorced? What is your atty telling you?

Marital debt is just that -- debt incurred while married.
You say you don't even have a legal separation yet.
From where I sit, the balance on the credit card is still marital debt -- however, if you have been a stay at home mom for 19 years and never went out to work, I don't think a judge will make you responsible for the lion's share of it.
A lot depends on the laws in your state --- and like Trisha said, you need to get your attorney to go to court and get you some temporary support like now.

trisha - yes, he's in a hurry, has been pushing ahead, having his attorney(who is provided to him at no charge by his employer)draw up a settlement (before he had even submitted his financial information for the past 6 months)and get it into the hands of my attorney before we had even met the first time. I'm pretty sure this ambush approach is designed to confuse us and create a sense of urgency so that we'll rush through everything and not question his financial statements, etc. etc. My attorney was amazed at how twisted, conditional and even a little deceptive their first response was to her requests. We were supposed to be keeping this amicable! But anyway, I think she was trying to get temporary support (without going to court)but they in essence refused to do it without all kinds of various conditions that were all wrapped into the final settlement. In the mean time, I have been growing more and more frustrated with my attorney, who has not been responding to my emails, not answering my questions, canceling appointments, rescheduling then canceling again, dealing with various health issues that have slowed the process down even further and just is not on top of things at all. I'm so stressed and just not getting anywhere. Feel like I'm getting nothing but excuses. So, I made the executive decision yesterday to change attorneys. I'll be meeting with the new one next Tues. I know she's good.

Cowgirl - We're trying to settle all this out of court, mainly for financial reasons. I hope we'll be able to but I having some serious doubts.

So does he have a girl friend? He's in a big hurry for some reason. You are going to need an atty that specializes in family law and nothing else. I don't see your divorce being amicable. Your stbx is already playing games and dragging his feet on the financials.

Pad your financial statement to cover expenses you may have missed and go into court. The judge will look at your expenses and the lifestyle you and your stbx have and go from there.

Goldengirl - NOBODY likes the idea of going into court BUT it's often the only way to get what you DESERVE under the law and under certain circumstances. I'm with Trisha again -- my guess is your stbx is trying to get this settlement done in a hurry so he can be "free" to bring the other woman out in the open.

EMPOWER YOURSELF! Learn as much about divorce law in your state as you can and set your mind to being your own advocate. Your attorney will appreciate it and it will pay off for you in the long run.

I don't have anything to add, but sending supportive hugs... Trisha and Cowgirl got it right - He's playing games, and you need to empower yourself. Get everything that you can.

Thanks for the thoughts, ya'll. One of my best friends lives right next door to him. If he's got a girlfriend, she'll either see them or hear them. It's a condo. That would be something I could use against him as neither of us are supposed to be dating.

So much of this depends on the laws in your state. I, too, was a stay-at-home mom. I had no income. In Colorado, where our divorce was finalized, the court equalized not only the total debt incurred during the marriage, which was none at the time of our filing, but also his income. So, he has to pay me for the next 8 years since we were married more than 20 years. Your attorney will be able to advise you as to what you can expect to receive for alimony or child support. I learned that the money my ex paid to me while we were still married and without a settlement agreement did NOT apply to the total he had to pay overall. He wasn't too happy about this, but it definitely helped to offset the fact that while he was out playing with the OW and eating out two times a day, I was eating frozen meals or skipping them because he was only paying me $50 a week for groceries.

Follow your attorney's advice and you'll be okay. I hope all comes out well for you.

So your stbx is talking about wanting to be reimburse for his volunteered contribution payments he's made . Time4Kim is correct in her post, does not apply. It seems your stbx is forgetting two concepts: ANY/ALL income presently generated is still marital [income is NOT his]. Stories of legal fights over jackpot winnings accrued during the course of legal marriage are examples. And since it is legally expected that marital income to be SOLELY used for the purpose to maintain the marital family as he should, you might can argue with proof that any significant marital funds misappropriated outside and unrelated to residential and work expense to be reimbursed to YOU as your 50%!

Apparently, your stbx's contribution payments does not exceed the charges made onto the credit card. As already stated by your previous lawyer, your stbx's contributions is assessed as not portionally enough. Your stbx already has indicated his demands requesting you to be robbed in order to afford his new life style unless court ordered.

This is how come you'll get accurate legal information from your legal advisor and let them play the game. Just make sure you do not leak your defense, there's nothing to gain in letting your adversary know what's in your hands.