Oh, you are very correct in wanting to know what is to be said. That's your right! It's your case. I sat in on the attorney conference, but I think my lawyer met with me a half an hour before the meeting to get stuff straight. Nothing really got resolved during the meeting, but we got a feel for what they were up to. My lawyer was very fair in his billing, I thought. And he earned his money! He was long winded, though, and knew everyone, so I had to keep redirecting him to focus. I'm good at that :) My divorce, no kids, cost me a $2500 retainer and on top of that, he billed me nearly $400. Not bad. I originally asked for a lot less from the ex than after we got lawyers. I feel I got a better deal than I even hoped. What you should expect is to be able to have your questions answered...just line them up, though, so you aren't making multiple calls. Be professional...don't get snippy as some do when they are stressed. Don't get emotional, either. I would definitely request to attend the counter meeting or whatever you call it. For reals. Best wishes!

My divorce experience taught me that your attorney WILL CONTACT YOU when it is necessary. They are bound by the terms of service outlined in your retainer agreement, so if in that agreement it says that they will contact you within X number of hours after receiving any notice or petition, then they will. You can't really go by what the person who answers the phone says. Remember: you are NOT the only client your attorney is handling at this time. If you trust them and they have a good reputation, then you have to use some restraint and be a little patient. And yes, if you make a pest of yourself, eventually your calls will be returned DEAD LAST.
I kept a running sheet of questions as things developed in my case and at the end of two weeks, I would either call or email my attorney for an update. She was very very good about responding. Yes, I got charged for the time and rightfully so. It's best NOT to be penny wise and pound foolish in these matters, but you also have to understand that if it's REALLY CRITICAL TO YOUR CASE, your attorney WILL CONTACT YOU if input or information is needed.
Don't try to "micro-manage" your own case. Just keep track of things and that list of questions!
Believe me, honey, if this counter-claim was anything earth shaking, your attorney would have already contacted you.
Hugs!

P.S. either you haven't elaborated on this counter-claim or my memory is totally shot. Most of the time, counter-claims are simply b.s. manufactured by the opposing side to either stall or otherwise gum of the legal works -- kind of like a fillibuster in Congress.

You just received the thing on Saturday. Today is Monday. You will get a copy of the "response to the counter-claim" from your attorney. If she has any questions about it that you need to answer before she responds, you will know about it. I dealth with more than one of these b.s. things in my divorce. It finally got to the point where my attorney and I would LAUGH OUT LOUD at how ridiculous they were!

Hang in there!

This is a great post. I'm getting ready for all of this too and to tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous about all the legal mumbo jumbo. My lawyer is very nice though and down to earth, but looks like she could be a little bulldog. I think I'm going to like her very much.

I would suggest doing a little online research. I'm sure there are websites that deal with these types of questions.

I will suggest that you be wise with your time. A retainer can be eaten away very quickly--this was a lesson I learned the hard way. Before you call your attorney for every little thing, make sure it is truly important. I got into the habit of calling my attorney a lot and was then surprised when my retainer was gone. Keep calls and visits short and sweet--remember, when you are talking to them Time is Money!!

I think it is also important to have an overall goal for the divorce outcome. For example, I told my attorney that I wanted to save my retirement and tax sheltered annuity at all costs and I kept track of that goal. Have an idea of how you see the outcome of this divorce financially--what can you live with and what can you let go. I watched a couple wrangle in divorce for two years and all they did was fight over crap like bedroom suites and other stuff that can be replaced. The only people who won in that scenario were the attorneys.

Some of the legal is proceedure, and leave that to your lawyer. A counter petition is an " answer" to what the other person is asking for is the easiest way to explain it. You also have to be patient, divorce lawyers do this every day, and although in your mind something may be urgent, it probably is not. Your lawyer needs time to read and respond to any paperwork, and not always in the time frame we want. You should get and probably will get a copy of every piece of paper that goes back and forth, and a good lawyer will give you a cover sheet that will basically say, respond, call me, take no action etc.

All are correct here about the money side of legal representation. First find out how your lawyer is going to charge you, most charge by the call, some after 10 minutes, some not too much. Save your calls for the big stuff is what I tell people. If your lawyer has a paralegal that person can answer some questions about paperwork, proceedural, etc, if you do not abuse it and find out if you are charged to talk to the paralegal. IF your lawyer has a paralegal. If you do want to find out how divorce works in your state and do research, start with a goverment state site if available. Like all information on the internet, consider the source, and that includes us here. Divorce differs state to state.

As to the money side, a good attorney will tell you what it should cost to get to divorce and how long, considering your circumstances and that is without any major problems or issues. A retainer is a down payment, and each lawyer does it differently. Some will have you pay more as you go along, some not. Some pay all court and appraisals out of that, some have you pay those. If you have assets, property, pensions, investments, and something we don't see much here, a business, it will take longer. I always use the example of fighting over household goods in a couch worth 500, don't spend 1200 in legal time and fees to get it. In divorce we all have similar circumstances, but just like our marriages, we are all different and have different legal and financial sides. Big breath and be patient, which is hard!

Ok, a lawyer weighing in here. I don't file anything substantive with the court unless my client has reviewed and ok'd it. Settlement offers, pleadings, etc. are reviewed by the client before they are sent. In that, I include my own declarations. I want to be sure that what I say is accurate.

Just to give you some thoughts:

l) my practice is to return calls in 24 hours; same for emails
2) if a client and I have problems reaching each other, my secretary sets up a phone conference for us.
3) if I make a court appearance and the client isn't there, I always email a report to the client.
4) my goal is to keep my client as informed as possible. When we receive notices from the court, a letter and copy of the notice go to the client. If I receive a discovery request from the other side, the client immediately gets a copy and a letter explaining what the client needs to do. I have form letters and the client is only charged a minimal amount for any changes made to the letter.
5) at our initial meeting, I give clients packets of information to go through, including the email address for the court website. Included in this is a list of the documents I need from the client.
6) scheduling meetings - the client's calendar is always checked; the same is true for court appearances.
7) if I'm going to be out of the office for more than a few days, I do a memo to my staff on each case to let them know what's coming up and what needs to be done. I also introduce the client to the associate assigned to her/his case.

These are just some of the ways I handle cases. I hope you are able to work out the issues with your attorney because the fact that you feel comfortable with her is very important.

Lynne (a California lawyer)

Lynne, thanks once again for all those here who ask this type of question!

Thanks everyone.... Patience is NOT my virtue LOL.. or maybe it just all got used up trying (obviously without success) to make things better in my marriage.

I believe that we should learn something from every life experience.. perhaps one of MY lessons (among many I'm sure) with THIS experience is to find my patience again.

I do have my list of questions for my attorney and I add to it when I think of something. I want to try to make the most out of my time (and not burn up my retainer). It's frustrating to get done talking to someone then think "why didn't I think to ask that while I had the chance?". You don't know what you don't know... kwim?? :)

I'm such a "rule follower" - I just want to make sure I do everything I'm supposed to. I don't want to get bit in the butt because of a technicality. This concerns my future and I know I only have one chance to get it right.

Luckily, we (me and the stbx) agreed on all the material stuff when I moved out - that part was pretty easy. I got everything I wanted or needed for my new place and he was very good about it (he even helped me move - there's a clue - right?) The good thing for me is that I left more than I took so all that stuff gets to be an asset on his side of the balance sheet. We learned that lesson about fighting over possessions years ago when his parents passed away. That experience brought out the worst in his family - they fought over the silliest things. I'm proud to say after MY parents passed, my brothers and I didn't have one single argument over anything. It's my belief that my parent's spirits are in my heart - not their kitchen table.

I've started making notes to myself and pasting them up around my computer - reminders - like "don't react" and "no contact", etc. It actually helps! When I start feeling weak I look at them and that helps me change my thinking. I think the next one that goes up is going to say "STOP - remember PATIENCE... she is your FRIEND"...isn't it great how TIME helps you see things in a different perspective?

Thank you Lynne for your input. I did receive a copy of the documents from his attorney immediately, but there was nothing in there about what I am supposed to do now. That probably means I don't need to do anything just yet. I'll find that out during our phone conference
next week. I had already provided all the necessary information to complete the financial affidavit. They are supposed to be working on that and said they would call me when it was ready.

And yes, CowgirlKathi - the counter WAS total BS!! After I calmed down and started picking it apart it actually DID make me laugh out loud! So... taking a deep breath here and telling myself - it ain't gonna happen overnight... :)

Yorkie - I'm glad to read this and want to say (about the counter-petition or counter-claim or whatever it was called) I TOLD YOU SO!

I read this post the other night and to be honest it kinda scared me. I haven't made the step to call a lawyer yet but am now on the verge. It's time.
I'm just not sure if it would be worth it to pay someone to help me or not. Neither one of us has much money even though we both have good jobs. My H hasn't paid the mortgage since Oct and my house is now in foreclosure (the bastard). It was his choice, He has the resources to pay but chooses to walk away. But that's another long story... My credit is weak but I continue to work hard to pay my debts back. A lot of people keep telling me I should file bankruptcy but that in its self takes money. I have a car payment from hell which I have paid solely for the past 2 years. I receive $640.00 a month from my H currently which is how much the payment totals. We came up with an "email" agreement for scheduled payments to me back in Feb and I had to fight him tooth and nail for that. Also, he pays the car insurance and keeps me on his insurance policy. Losing my insurance scares me the most. I've tried to get my own medical insurance but have been denied 3 times because I was hospitalized for depression a few years ago (when the break down of our relationship started).
And that is it. We have no retirement saved or insurance policies. He has a 401 k but the last I had contact to that information there wasn't much in there to speak of.
When we first separated over 2 years ago and I was under great distress he wanted to do an online divorce. Quick and cheap. At that time I had agreed to receive nothing from him. We would pay our own debts and sell the house and split the profit knowing there was no profit to be made (this was around the time the economy collapsed). I realized a few weeks later that he was taking advantage of me and stopped him from filing those papers. I know the reality of the situation but my gut tells me that getting a lawyer is the right thing for me. I worry how I will afford it. Even if I get nothing from him... at least he won't be in control.
It's all just so scary...

How likely is it that HE will end up paying for my attorney's fees? we havent even gone to court nor agree on anything yet and i have already paid my attny $5k, she says we will ask him to pay since it was his fault, but how realistic is that?