Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Shorty54 09/24/2011

It's been 3 years since we seperated. I thought I was progressing right along. Recently even had a couple dates. One night this week I woke up at 1:00 a.m. madder than hops. I don't remember a dream that caused this--woke with a start ready to fight. An incident that happened over 6 years ago was causing this rage. For 6 years I've felt guilt and hurt-- like a flash I saw it for what it was and was super pissed off. I thought I had dealt with all the demons but when I least expect it another rears it's ugly head. When does this stop?

CowgirlKathi 09/24/2011

Shorty, just look at it as yet ANOTHER AFFIRMATION that you did the right thing by getting out of the unhealthy relationship! Be with the anger (RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION) and then let it go! Your New Life is sooo much better than the other one was and YOU KNOW IT!

When we sleep, our subconscious is busy and that's why long denied realities often come to us when we dream. Look at it as just one more thing that needed to be PURGED out of your system. Chalk it up to MORE GROWTH and be glad it's one more long forgotten memory that can now be buried once and for all!

Hugs to you today!

KRKing911 09/24/2011

(Hugs) - have a cup of tea. It settles the nerves.

lucy-wattle 09/24/2011

Hi Shorty, I have been playing "join the dots" for 3 years. Who the hell was this man I was married to for 32 years? I have studied bi-polar, narcissism, personality disorders......yada, yada, yada. Heard the most recent story 3 months ago. This is now the pattern....I laugh at what an idiot/sick he is/ the next week I cry/ then I file it. I know there will be a day when there will be no more stories left but unfortunately I need to attempt to understand what has passed and I need to process it and then file it forever. Talk about dreams....I think my whole married life was a dream (nightmare).

VectorForward 09/24/2011

I'm going to try KRK's suggestion of having a cuppa tea. I had a relapse today after an email from my former husband. He thinks we can help each other heal. I hate to think I will be going through this for another 2-3 years!

Hugs Shorty. I hope you have enjoyed your dates and will be back making forward progress soon. That part sounds very encouraging.

drtexdi 09/25/2011

Yay Shorty! I'm so glad you got out there! Kathi is right. It has to be some sort of growth experience. I think there will always be triggers (subconscious ones or conscious ones).

deleted_user 09/25/2011

Hey Shorty....gee it sure take a long time to work through all of this doesn't it? .....just know I am sending hugs your way

KRKing911 09/25/2011

Vector - he actually want to have contact with you to "Heal"? Are you kidding me?

Shorty - hope you feel better today!

CowgirlKathi 09/25/2011

Vector - I surely HOPE that you are going to nix "his idea" in the bud! What an a$$ he is!

VectorForward 09/25/2011

KRK, I probably need to start another post. I'm just glad Shorty is sorting things out and making progress.

deleted_user 09/25/2011

Can I give you a hug instead of a punch? (((HUGS))) I'm just 8 months into mine so I can't tell you when it stops....maybe when he's pushing up daisies? He sounds like he'd make great fertilizer with all the crap he's put you through...I hope you have a better week!!

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