Yes you do. That was very nice of you to let her know though.

How long did it take you?

Wiseman 49... I am just about 2 yrs post divorce after 23 yrs of marriage. I just recently got to the point that I think I am ready to date... not be in a committed relationship but date and find new friends! That companionship piece is tough though. Just a few days ago, I was curled up going to sleep and for a brief moment I missed feeling his arms around me as I feel asleep. I will say though... if the only way to have the arms involves having the infidelity and the emotional abuse, I'll just hug myself!!! :) Just keep working on being okay with yourself... I promise it gets better!!!

Its been 8 years now that my (Now) x left me after
38 years of marriage.
For the first two years I signed up for meet ups groups on
internet. We would all go out and meet at lounges, restaurants,
Concerts. etc. It was nice because it was a group of people .
Then I went to a singles dance that they had every week.
There I met people just like me that were divorced
We all use to meet there every week. Thinking back.....we had a lot of fun and it
took my mind off the divorce.
One time I went to the dance and not to many of my friends there, but I saw 3 girls dancing far off in a corner.
I went there and ask them can I join you. Two years
later I married one of those girls.
It took a long time before I was ready to date
This year we will be married for four years.
I sometimes miss my old life, but I go on.
So I say to you...go slow...join some groups.
Take care.. Timeman

Wiseman:

I COMMEND your honesty and that sense of knowing you weren't ready to start dating. Don't let ANYONE pressure you into it. When you're truly ready, YOU WILL KNOW.

I can definitely sympathize with the companionship piece, though -- that's I miss the most about being in a relationship. The X was never a "good" companion, but the man I met AFTER divorce was. We were together for 5-1/2 years and enjoyed doing absolutely NOTHING together at times! Although I ultimately ended the relationship (it was becoming unhealthy), I still missed having him around.

In the two years SINCE, I have been working on myself and getting better at living alone. I moved 1,100 miles away from the place I had called home for 25 years and totally changed up my lifestyle -- from hobby-farmer/ horsewoman to condo living in the land of eternal sunshine. It's been a challenge, but well worth it.

So take your time and really get to know yourself. Read "Date or Soul Mate" by Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D. I consider it REQUIRED READING for anyone who is thinking about getting back out there again. xoxo

Thanks everyone

Sounds like you're taking good care of yourself. Good job.

It took us over a year to get divorced, we did it ourselves with the help of a lawyer friend advising us. Now it's been another year and a half since then, but I can't even imagine trying to date yet. Not sure I will ever want to, but I could see getting together with groups of people or singles for activities; picnics, cooking classes, art, dancing, etc. Not yet, but down the road.

Right now, I think I'd shoot first, forget the questions, and run if I even thought someone was looking at me for a date. I much prefer being the funny, crazy, goofy one in the bunch without any attachments, strings, or expectations. Much safer.

Best of luck to you though, and again, good job listening to your inner self and cudos for letting your date know.

You are "wise" indeed! One year is not very long in terms of 'moving on' and it sure would be an easy solution to easing the pain and loneliness of being alone post marriage if meeting someone new was the ticket! But it just 'ain't' so!

For men, and this is coming from a woman, well....in my opinion and from what I've learned about the difference in our genders visa vie relationships and sex, you guys can more easily have a physical relationship and not get tied up in emotional commitment. Which is probably why men seem to start dating more quickly than women do post-marriage.

But it CAN be complicated, especially for a sensitive guy (or gal). Playing the field, if you`re a player, well, no big deal. But what if you DO fall for someone, or she for you, and then...oh boy, it could get complicated AND messy right quick! And there you'd be still sorting through the life changes and emotional turmoil post-marriage and wondering what the heck you got yourself into with this new person! Worst case scenario here of course!

Like Cowgirl said, you'll know when you're ready to test the waters. Listen to your gut on this one. Time heals, and you'll be out there again! Good luck

Wiseman sorry I didn't friend you I would happy to be !!!! When you sent the friend request I hadn't seen the . post and you have no pic and nothing in your profile. Thought you were a creeper.........LOL sorry about that !!!

So here a hug back at you and I would be happy to be your friend

Jenny

I was married (2nd time) for 7 years. He left me a year ago Feb. My divorce wasn't final until Jan. of this year due to ex's incompetent attorney. Since we had been struggling off and on the past few years of our marriage and he left a few times prior to his final leaving I was ready to date IF the opportunity presented itself. I haven't joined any dating sites so dating wasn't on my agenda any time soon, but I ended up meeting a nice man in one of my Meetup groups. We started dating in Jan. and it kind of fizzled out due to my still hanging onto my love for my ex. I had to regroup and start over with no contact with my ex and decided to just concentrate on my kids and my home situation (when to sell my home and move) But life has other plans apparently (doesn't it always?) A lady I work with asked if I would meet this friend of hers.....when I was ready. After thinking about it, guess I'm ready because he's going to call me next week. So here we go again, lol.

Like all said, only you know when the time is right. Go with your gut and just take it slow and don't just jump in. Have fun and just enjoy the companionship, that is what I miss a lot, being with someone other than friends and family.

Here is my plug for this book "How to Avoid Falling for a Jerk or Jerkette" I thought it was a really good book and I attended the "free" class offered by my county health department. I think it's a must read for anyone starting back into the dating world!!!!!

Take your time, you'll know when your ready, but don't let fear hold you back either. They say it takes 1 year for every 4-5 that you were married, so based on my math, you might just have about 2 years more. Although, in my experience men get out there a bit more quickly than women, so hopefully this 2 year number doesn't discourage you LOL.

I was married for almost 20. Now being 41, it is hard to get back out there. My ex husband had really no problem, because he emotionally left marriage long before he told me. I did meet someone and dated for about 4 months. It fizzed out, I think I was so longing for companonship from him, that I didn't let the relationship just happen. So I realized that I am just not ready to move on yet. I need to continue to work on myself, and when the time is right, jump back out there.

I am beginning to feel like something is wrong with me because I don't want to date.

All of my friends who have gotten divorced jumped right back into dating, and here I am almost four years since seperation , two from divorce and I have zero interest.

The only time I think I should be doing something is if and when the kids go with their dad for the weekend. But even then, I fill my time with my shopping, getting mani/pedi, dinner or drinks with friends.

I even went back to my therapist to ask what was wrong with me, and she said other than being set in my ways that I was ok.

but shouldn't I want to date. I just think of what a hastle it will be, how will i fit it in with the kids. Having them all the time, and only being young teens I don't get much me time.

When they do go to their dads, I take a deep breathe and just enjoy being alone in the house withouth the loud music, and enjoy my quiet me time.

I have zero interest in online dating, have heard to many horror storieds.

So i guess I wait for that magical smashing of the carts in the grocery store.