I\'m so upset right now. I just lost it in front of my kids. Not too bad but bad enough. I went to pick up my daughter at her gymnastics practice. There was another parent there who has been really supportive of me since this whole mess started. She was telling me the latest happenings at the gym and it all involves my stbx and the OW. I was bothered by it because what I heard reinforced that he is definitely acting as her partner. Anyway, if you are familiar with my story, you may remember that one of the biggest problems I have had with this separation is that the stbx keeps taking my kids with him to spend time with his whore gf. He tells them they are just friends. Anyway, it has been a huge issue for us because I feel it\'s emotionally damaging and he should have allowed them some adjustment time. Well, the other day my kids and I went to family therapy. I felt my daughter was exhibiting a lot of anger and pent up feelings and I wanted her to have a chance to work it out. Anyway, my daughter (11) and my son (7) and I attended our first session. During the session I was really surprised by some of their answers to questions. For instance the therapist asked if their dad and I used to fight a lot. They said yes which shocked me because although we did have some loud arguments, we really didn\'t fight that much so I was surprised to hear the kids say that we did. On the way home I said, \"so we really fought a lot ?\" and again they said yes. I\'ve been thinking a lot the last few days and I still am sure that we did not fight that frequently. If anything we didn\'t talk to each other at all! Then i started thinking that they are being manipulated by their dad. I honestly believe that my SOB stbx has said things to make them \"remember\" things differently. I can totally see my kids asking him why he doesn\'t come back home and him telling them something like \"Don\'t you remember how much mommy and me used to fight?\" or something like that. I know he\'s done it on other occasions and \"misled\" the kids. Anyway, the therapist also asked if their dad had a girlfriend and they said no!! I was completely floored. I know that he tells them that they are just friends, but I thought surely the kids can see what\'s happening and know that he\'s full of crap! But here they are saying no. Anyway, on the way home from the gym tonight, some of the things i\'d heard motivated me to ask them why they had said no. They both replied that they didn\'t know he did have a gf. So I asked them who they thought the whore (I used her name of course) was to him and they said a friend. Long story short, I found out that he was going to Ca for the 4th of July to meet his brother who was coming from HI. Seeing as my inlaws were here a couple of weeks ago and spent more time with the whore than with me who has been in their family for over 20 years, I am assuming the jerk stbx is taking the whore to meet his brother! He hasn\'t even filed yet but they have apparently moved on just as he has! Anyway, I got so mad because he had asked me if I wanted the kids for the 4th even though it\'s his week to have them but I didn\'t answer because I had a sneaking suspicion that he wanted me to have them for other reasons than being nice. So now I find out he\'s taking a trip with his whore, again! He\'s had me watch the kids before under some false pretense that he had to work and then I found out he had gone to Disneyland with the whore while I watched the kids during his time with them! I certainly don\'t mind watching them, but I\'m not going to watch them to help him out so he can screw his bi*ch! Excuse my language but I\'m F*cking pissed! Anyway, I got so mad I told the kids about him going to Disneyland with her (they have been begging to go for months) and that he was a lying scum bag!! I didn\'t use those words but I was pretty upset. When we got home my daughter was upset and was mad at me. I asked her why she was mad at me when I was the one trying to keep the family together and he was the one that left us to be with his gf and new family! I started crying and must have looked a little hysterical and she just walked away. A little later she came and asked me if I was okay. I said no.

I know it was not the best mothering and I should have held it together but I am so sick and tired of keeping my mouth shut about all the shitty things he\'s done so they don\'t have to know what a sack of shit he is! Why does he get to get away with this crap and I have to keep getting crapped on?! I started out not wanting to say anything mean about him because I know they love him and I didn\'t want to damage their relationship with him, but he has done SOOOO MANY SHITTY AND CRUEL things and I\'\'ve endured it and kept my mouth shut but why? I feel like I\'m trying to protect him and i don\'t want to. I want them to know what a loser and jerk he is! If they hate him what do I care?! If they knew half of what he has done they may hate him but why is that my problem? It\'s not like he\'s being a great dad! He has a 5 month old daughter that he spends 2 minutes a week with (literally) that\'s the kind of father he\'s turned into. Why shouldn\'t they know that? If this whore is going to be in their lives don\'t they have a right to know who the hell she is? Why does he get to be the fun one when he\'s the one that left us with all the responsibilities of taking care of the house, the dogs, the pool and everything else. He just f*cking walked out and started an new life. He dropped us, more so me, like we were used tissue and I\'m supposed to \"protect his rep\" with them???? Someone please tell me why! I\'m so angry right now I can\'t see any possible reason I shouldn\'t tell them everything he\'s done! Yes it will hurt them but he\'s already doing that but they don\'t know it. Their anger is directed at me because he makes everything seem like it\'s all hunky dorey with him and I\'m the emotional party pooper who doesn\'t know how to have fun! Because I\'m taking care of his baby and his house and the bills while he\'s out having fun going on trips and screwing his stupid bi*ch! Has he been up with the baby in the middle of the night even once? Hell, he hasn\'t even been with her during the day! She\'s nothing to him and I\'m supposed to cover for this asswipe? PLEASE someone tell me why before I go and tell the kids everything or go postal on him and his whore!!!! Where the hell is the justice in this f*cked up world?!?!?!

Sorry about the length and foul language. I was either going to rage here or break everything breakable in this damn house and though that is still an option because my anger is just beginning, I don\'t want to scare the crap out of the kids who are going to think I went totally crazy! And of course then we would go to court and the judge would give him full custody because I\'m not fit or some shit like that. Because that\'s the luck he\'s had and the miseries I\'ve had. I\'m not even feeling sorry for myself... I\'m mother effin PISSED! My therapist is going to be so happy! Finally some anger.