Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

506 Members
7,364 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Opening my eyes

cmonge
cmonge
I do not know why but church has been a place I tend to get very blue and weepy. I always think about poor me and all those families -husband by the wife's side, etc... In reality, my ex wasn't ever by my side at church, but it seems sadder now. Well today when I went I was in a good mood but felt the sad creeping in once I sat down. But then I looked around and opened my eyes. Instead of focusing on the couples and families, I counted no fewer than 9 single people in the rows around me! I almost chuckled. It just made me think how I need to start focusing outward and not just constantly dwelling on my problems. I will see that "guess what? Lots of people get by in life without a mate!"
CHRISTOPHER310
CHRISTOPHER310
I go to church regularly and when I firs started right after my marriage failed, it would bother me to see couples and families. Tear my heart apart every time. Then I made a choice to find peace in my life. Find ways I can make peace with the losses I’ve taken, but also ways I could help others in need out. I found that volunteering at my church and joining groups ( Bible study, church support groups ) and taking church classes really helped me alot. The peace eventually came and so did the joy of helping others. Still have my bad moments, but not like I use to. Church is a great place to go and to be. Best to you on your journey.
KRKing911
KRKing911
I couldn't go to church for the first 1 1/2 years. The sermons made me cry and I was tired of crying. I can go back now, and probably should LOL. It will get easier honey - believe me. Hang on tight!
Misred
Misred
Way to go! Paul said in Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Moscato
Moscato
Going to church, Bible studies, and my faith have been what's gotten me through the past 5 years. My family and friends have been supportive and I am grateful for them, but the only way to peace and joy again in my life is through God. I know what you mean, though. Seeing all the couples and families together at church, and elsewhere still makes me sad. I often think, "That used to be my life with a husband and family". It makes me sad, but I try not to dwell on it. It try to focus on my blessings because I have many.
refurb
refurb
Church is hard for me, our church is hard for me, people don't take sides --- yeah right they don't, I get maybe a curt hello from people that use my recipes, while they "stand" with my stbx, little do they know that stbx wifey poo is a cheater, so the bullshit Christians are hard to take.
Wifey poo is cute and a school teacher in a small town, she is very good at white washing hmm that calls to mind "beware the white washed tombs"
So I started going to a different church, I can see the "well at least he has a conscience" cross their minds.
Makes me wonder how much if that I've hung on others. Church has been and still is good for me, some services hit the mark, and I'm looking to hear God's call anyway I can
tobywinn
tobywinn
In truth, your ex causes the actual sadness, blame your ex! Church [or any environment] is actually benign. The world of COUPLE HOOD now seemingly surrounds you is not what makes you sad. Your new state of singleness is now bringing its attention. Comparisons and taking notice of " those who Have vs. those who Have Not", puts heightened focus on your assumed deficient does not feel good .

This may be time to engage with your Singles ministry and Divorced Groups. Their goal is to bring fellowship and support to individuals who are in the same season of being "single again". It's a re-adjustment process.