My EX and I shared an attorney. Because he called and hired her, she was pretty much his lawyer. If you know all about the finances like I did and you ABSOLUTELY SURE there are no hidden assets, it could save time/money. But when it got to the extras that the lawyer said wasn't part of her original fee's, the EX said I had to pay. For instance a QDRO to divide the retirement funds was an additional $500. So in reality the EX wasn't sharing the total cost. Before I signed the final papers, I took it to another lawyer to look at and he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know and said it was fair.

What all the lawyers I spoke with repeated, was the division had to be considered "fair" or a judge will not sign off on it. If you want to go this route, educate yourself and find out what you are entitled to. Even though a lawyer is representing you, they can and do make mistakes. Make sure you know what you are signing. Some people suggest the website divorce.com for information, I used divorce360.com.

So in short, I don't have any regrets. I wish you the best of luck.

You need your own lawyer! In long term marriages with assets, investments, houses that needed to be protected. One of the biggest issues is alimony, and child support. Some people need to be protected from themselves in divorce too. Most of us here can tell you that are divorced, that things may start out in a agreement, and go bad fast! In some states, you can have one lawyer, but they technically can not represent you both. They are one spouses lawyer, and they make it clear to you both. if things go south, they will withdraw, and then you both have to have hire new lawyers. The reason is that if they have access to both of you, your financials etc and they are no longer considered objective. IF you own nothing, do not want to divide anything or alimony, maintenance or child support is not involved, it might work! Divorce is about compromise, and unfortunately if you are getting divorced, there may not be any compromise. Get your own lawyer is always my advice. IT will save you money in the long run. It is expensive.

AND everyone's situation is different financially in divorce. You will also find that in divorce, you get lots of advice, from well meaning friends who are not divorced. Or a friend of a friend. And on here. One of the first things in divorce, you learn if you have not, you have to make some decisions, and trust yourself. Divorce is a legal transaction, not emotional though that plays into it. You need your own lawyer.

Divorce is state mandated, so things are a bit different for each state. I was threatened with divorce on and off for a long time. I made it my business to find out as much as I can about divorce when I was going through it and before. Way back in 96, when my H pulled his first I want a divorce, I hired a lawyer and a therapist. My lawyer for a 250 consultation empowered me. It was the best 250 I ever spent. Knowledge is empowering. She also told me, you are a smart gal, start self studying divorce, you may never need it, but you might. It paid off for me, and we did go to counseling, a few times! I still have the same therapist by the way.. there was a long hiatus. Both as Cowgirl puts it, are your dream team. I also say believe you deserve the best lawyer to get you what you need, not what you want, there is a difference in divorce.

I also hired a good lawyer in 2007, we divorced in 08. My other lawyer retired but she did over the years take a few calls from me. My ex for a while to save money, thought I could divorce us. We did file jointly, and I did all the paperwork to file. I would never ever presume to end a 28 year marriage, with a lot of assets, without a lawyer of my own. This is for most of us here, the largest business deal that you will ever negotiate or do in your life. It is business. YOUR business. So take or leave all the advice you get, but please get a consult with a lawyer. Some do free consults. I know how to pay for it is a huge concern, but a good lawyer will help you with that too. If you have no assets, or want nothing, it will not cost all that much. Do some research, lot of info on " how to hire a family or divorce lawyer" resources. Start by gathering all your financial info in one place, and bring it with you! My best to you...

I hired my own attorney and never regretted it. She protected me when I wasn't thinking clearly. My ex also wanted one attorney to save money, but it was very clear early on that he was out to screw me financially, so I am glad I had my own attorney.

Consider this: This is a business negotiation that could affect the rest of your life. You want to do it right.

Money has a way of turning an amicable divorce into a contentious one. Protect yourself.

I agree with the others--you do need to educate yourself about divorce laws in your state.

Sending hugs of support.

We had no lawyers. The court has "fill in the blank" paperwork available to save both parties lawyers fees. If you can agree on everything, why pay a lawyer????

There was no way my ex would have agreed with me on the amount of alimony I was entitled to so I had my own lawyer thank goodness!
Now after it is all said and done he says I deserve it and all is good. Funny how things work out.
I do think each having their own lawyer to look out for each best interest is very important.

We used the "fill in the blank" paperwork also. It was less than a month from the time we filed til it was all over.

My gut instinct says to get your own attorney. In the beginning I thought it would all be fine and amicable (of course I was also devastated and thought he'd be back), and a good friend called an attorney and made an appt and made me go- BEST thing that cold have been done for me!

Good luck to you-I know everyone's case is different

FIRST THING:
Go to www.divorcesource.com and find out if you live in a community property (50/50) state OR in an equitable distribution state!

If you live in a community property (50/50 division) state, have minimal assets, no minor children to support and are NOT asking for alimony, then you might be able to negotiate a settlement using the same attorney although I would NEVER do it that way.

If you live in an Equitable Distribution state, negotiating will be more difficult because most of the time, the husband makes more money and he won't want to have to "give" you any of it post-divorce. I put the word give in quotes because alimony is NOT a gift -- I considered it Severance Pay for the 25 years I worked my butt off in the marriage!

If you are looking to save money, you can jointly hire a certified Mediator to hammer out an agreement. This would cover everything -- property division, division of all other assets (including retirement accounts, stocks and bonds, etc.), child support (if applicable) and alimony. HOWEVER, the final signed agreement will have to be reviewed by an attorney (one for you, one for your H) BEFORE it is presented to the court. Mediators are a lot less expensive than attorneys, but you have to TRUST the other person AND be willing to compromise.

I tried Mediation right off the bat, but the now-X wasn't willing to reveal "his" financial assets to "some stranger." What an IDIOT! So I hired one of the best local attorneys and then he had NO CHOICE but to subject himself to the financial equivalent of a colonoscopy. LOL.

In the end, I got everything I wanted in the settlement and then some but it was very VERY expensive. You cannot let the possible cost of attorney fees dissuade you from getting the sound legal representation you need. This is the BIGGEST DEAL you will EVER MAKE in your life!

As MsTerey mentioned in her comment, the other professional you should have on board is a qualified counselor or licensed therapist. Your attorney will help you get through the financial part of divorce and your therapist or counselor will walk with you through the emotional part. Looking back, I'm not sure which part was the worst, but I'm glad I had my Dream Team in place from the outset.

P.S
Misred the fee for having a QDRO prepared is usually NOT included in the cost of the actual divorce. It is considered somewhat of a specialty and is often farmed out to another attorney. That fee is normally split equally between the parties and is pretty small potatoes compared to the cost of a contested divorce.

My point was that although my EX suggested sharing a lawyer and the cost. I was under the impression we would pay all cost associated with the divorce 50/50. I never thought or believed the fee the lawyer quoted covered everything. Since my ex refused to pay for the QDRO, I had to cover it. With some help and guidance I did not have to pay for that one, I did my own. I know everyone is not able to do that so I didn't bring it up.

My warning is, even though your STBX verbally agrees to share the cost, they may change their mind and you might get the short end.

I want to add : the 2nd part of the divorce equation is the issue of marital DEBT. You'll be likely to achieve negotiation with one lawyer [or mediator] having minimal DEBT.

Verbal agreements from the stbx may change a bit which is to be expected. The caution is to avoid receiving "too much" of the short end. When you're savvy, bickering over small costs will be of little concern. So yes, being adequately informed and having assertiveness is essential to your decisions. If you lack either, dismiss yourself away from the negotiation table, reschedule, and quickly get representation on your behalf. Just remember, you are entitled to do just that if needed!

Good reminder Toby.. cause I always say, divorce is not only about assets, but it is about debt. Today many people could have more debt than assets. It is also about compromise, and since most of us here, could not reasonably deal with an ex, you need a lawyer to compromise for you. You also need a lawyer and to make sure all the assets are on the table. We hear it all the time, I did not want his pension or let him keep his 401k.. what some are missing, is that some of us, old timers, we may have had 401ks or investments in our mid fifties that are worth 250,000 to 500,000! Seriously, if you have a lifetime of savings and had that kind of money, would you say let him keep it. One biggie in being married long term and divorcing. I am not 30, I was 54. I also was shocked when I came to DS, how many people, have not a clue what the ex made , or debts or even if they had a pension or 401k. That was mostly women.. but a few men too> Fortunately there are quite a few sharp women here too! I also am very empathetic that not everyone has assets too, but most are somewhere in the middle.

AND this is no disrespect, and I have been here a long time.. some people never got that you have no assets, there is nothing to divide, and unfortunately there may be debt or upside down mortgages or CC debt through the roof. That gets divided too. Divorce is financially disaster, and many many people here can not afford a lawyer, a therapist or financial advice. I say we all come here with different issues, incomes, infidelity or not, but we all end up divorced. Divorce is a very personal, yet huge financial loss along with the emotional. Do the best you can, and do not make hasty decisions. A good lawyer can protect you from yourself. Ask some here who find out there was a pension or spouse did not account for 10,000 that is missing

If you are fortunate to have assets to divide, a Qualified Domestic Relations Order is to value them and then figure out how to fairly divide them. You can do whatever you want, but the first hearing, if you need it, then both lawyer will make that part of the proceeding and the judge approvals who will do it. One way to look at this is investments are changing daily, up and down in the market. Most 401ks are invested in mutual funds. These firms do a actuarial and accounting of what is what and how to divide it. Think about a CD you may have, I did not want to cash them all in and divide them in half.. but the accounting firm or consulting firm, and that is who does the QDROs or should, figured out an equal share for us each. I could not do it, my lawyer will not do it, that is a whole business in itself. Same with having your house if you have one appraised. Someone years ago claimed to us that a realtor could do the appraisal.. sure, if you are going to sell it in the divorce. CGK and I kept or bought back our own houses, we needed a court approved appraisal that was based on many things, not what we could have sold it for. Me, I wanted mine to come in low.. I was buying it! SO all this comes into it. Do some serious reading about divorce, make it your business, because it is your business! You can fall apart later I say! I also used to say on DS, so far I have never met anyone in divorce who complained they got too much money and assets in a divorce! ((HUGS))