Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I miss talking to my husband every day about the little things. It's hardest at night when the kids are out and I'm home alone. I miss discussing how the day went, or some little event that happened to us during the day. The little things. I feel very alone and lonely. The funny thing he was always gone hunting or fishing so I don't really miss him not being here for most of the time, but before I always knew he was at least coming home. Now there's nothing. I like it when the kids are at least in the house with me. Even if they are just in their rooms doing their own thing.
One of the things I found to be the hardest is cooking and eating by myself. I don't even want to bother. Sitting at the table alone where a family used to have dinner together every night - thats depressing in itself. But I don't have the extra money to eat out and since the kids are working or out with friends, most of the time I'm eating alone. No one to make dinner for except myself so I find that I'm not eating anything. I've lost 25 pounds in the last 8 months and I really didn't need to. I weigh less than I did 15 years ago. I guess thats the only good thing to come out of this breakup. Sad thing is I look better than ever and my husband isn't even here to appreciate it.
I talk to my sister everyday. She's been awesome but after 9pm there's no one. I miss my companion, my friend, my lover. But I don't think he's missing me. Afterall he has his parents at home with him every night.
Next week while were in FL he will be staying at our house alone. I hope he feels what I'm feeling. I hope he sees what his life will be like once he gets a place of his own - if that's what happens. I hope he sees how it feels to cook and eat alone at the same table that our family shared. I hope he sees how very lonely it really is. He thinks he'll be happier alone and yet he hasn't yet experienced the full aloneness of it all yet. I want him to sit on our couch and watch TV alone for 7 full nights. Eat dinner alone for 7 full nights. It gets damn boring. Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs. When he feels and sees that there is no one to talk to when you live alone. When for once in his life he feels lonely - really lonely. I can only hope it makes a difference.
One of the things I found to be the hardest is cooking and eating by myself. I don't even want to bother. Sitting at the table alone where a family used to have dinner together every night - thats depressing in itself. But I don't have the extra money to eat out and since the kids are working or out with friends, most of the time I'm eating alone. No one to make dinner for except myself so I find that I'm not eating anything. I've lost 25 pounds in the last 8 months and I really didn't need to. I weigh less than I did 15 years ago. I guess thats the only good thing to come out of this breakup. Sad thing is I look better than ever and my husband isn't even here to appreciate it.
I talk to my sister everyday. She's been awesome but after 9pm there's no one. I miss my companion, my friend, my lover. But I don't think he's missing me. Afterall he has his parents at home with him every night.
Next week while were in FL he will be staying at our house alone. I hope he feels what I'm feeling. I hope he sees what his life will be like once he gets a place of his own - if that's what happens. I hope he sees how it feels to cook and eat alone at the same table that our family shared. I hope he sees how very lonely it really is. He thinks he'll be happier alone and yet he hasn't yet experienced the full aloneness of it all yet. I want him to sit on our couch and watch TV alone for 7 full nights. Eat dinner alone for 7 full nights. It gets damn boring. Maybe this will be the wake up call he needs. When he feels and sees that there is no one to talk to when you live alone. When for once in his life he feels lonely - really lonely. I can only hope it makes a difference.
I hired my attorney today. And so tonight I will miss him more. I'm going to lay in bed and think about what it would be like to hold him and have his arms wrapped around me. To hear his breathing and feels his chest rise and fall. To smell his cologne and the stubble on his face.
He came over and picked up the attorneys business card and didn't seem phased at all. I was dying inside but it was just one step closer for him. He wants it done with quickly. So the legal work has started. It won't be long now until I am truly on my own. I know he's not lonely because he has his girlfriend. Hes far from lonely. He will never feel the loss of us, there may come a time when he feels a loss of her, by my time was over before it had even begun. I was nothing to him. Our marriage was nothing to him.
Sorry, got a little off track. Hugs to you all.
This is what I need to remember, what I won't miss...fear! And God forbid I forget to tell him something re: kids....but it seemed to never be a fault when he forgot.
But we have each other, and who can understand us better than someone who has been there too! Thanks ya'll!
I know how you feel.
I hope your trip to Flordia will be relaxing for you!
Sending hugs to you