Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hello everyone -
It's been awhile since I've posted. Probably because all is well. What a difference a year makes in the divorce process. Settled into my condo now. Decided on a new career(landscape design). Gone back to school. Have actually developed a friendship with the ex-h(!) Who would've guessed THAT a year ago?? We text about 3-4 times a week about our daughter or financial things(just questions from me about how to handle different things). No interest on either part for reconciling. We know we made the right decision to divorce and are mostly happy living our separate lives. Except for one thing…at least for me…I have no desire to date. Yes, I'd like to get out more, and make some new friends. But, date? Not really. Just no desire. Does that sound unusual to anyone? Has anyone felt the same?
It's been awhile since I've posted. Probably because all is well. What a difference a year makes in the divorce process. Settled into my condo now. Decided on a new career(landscape design). Gone back to school. Have actually developed a friendship with the ex-h(!) Who would've guessed THAT a year ago?? We text about 3-4 times a week about our daughter or financial things(just questions from me about how to handle different things). No interest on either part for reconciling. We know we made the right decision to divorce and are mostly happy living our separate lives. Except for one thing…at least for me…I have no desire to date. Yes, I'd like to get out more, and make some new friends. But, date? Not really. Just no desire. Does that sound unusual to anyone? Has anyone felt the same?
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
I'm friends with the x . we don't ssee each other that much and my new wife gets mad,so I don't go out of my way, but I do say hi. I'll wish her and her father a happy Easter on the internet.
Dating,,,,,,, meet up groups are great way to get out and meet people without having to date. I did that for the first year and half after my x left me.
OK.....cheers. !
Timeman
Gets you out of the house and your mind off things.
Most all of the people that I have met at meetups were nice .
Take care..
Life is what we make of it.......its really our choice.
Timeman
Gone to any yet. I hope to attend
soon.
Just trying to get out of my divorce
depression Is huge for me. I am
Trying and doing tthe best i can, I
Started Going to church And still
do my support groups. I go off With
girl friends here and there.Its not
enough, seems everyone has Some
One else or other people they are busy
With.
I need to work harder toward having
A fun life. Not interested at all in dating,
Still detaching and healing. I have only
been divorced since may 2015.
The thoughts of dating sends shutters
Down my body when i am ready i will
Know.
I work too many crazy hours to have a
Normal life. That needs to change too at
Some point. I want a fun job :)
((( hugs ))))
I have no desire to date. I'm afraid I'll find another bloke who's lovely at first and changes later. I'm not keen to go through all that again. So for me it's a trust issue.
Love and hugs
kamary
being hurt, staying hurt, fear of being hurt again is reason maybe to close oneself off from the possibility of it happening again
closing off possibilities ... closes off good too
i got to the point that i would not choose to live closed off
It takes time....…time to heal ...time to get your life back together, but.....no rush..... Step by step
With meet ups you can choose want group....what people you like.
At meetup outings ,you can leave whenever you want....
I joined the divorced or singles meetup group. I had more in common with them . I met some nice people... men and women.
I also went to support groups at church. I'm also a Vietnam Veteran so , I had / have...... counseling / therapy there. Oh, forgot.... Ha ha..( guess that I was pretty bad shape when she left) Thinking.... I also went to the hospital program as an out patient for Anxiety and Behavioral therapy. That was for 6 weeks ..5 days a week......6 hrs a day. That's when the x first left me. I look back now and........I must have been in really bad shape.. Btw- the hospital program was great and helped out a lot.
I wasted two or three years of my senior life because of what she did.......I was a fool...... If I knew then ,what I know now.....how I feel now.....when she first left that night I would have put all her clothes out the door ... But,,,,,,,easy to say now.... Lol.
So, tomorrow is Easter day....... I'm coloring eggs..by myself....even my new wife doesn't like coloring eggs....
Timeman
I'm content living on this land and working with the horses that live on here. My daughter visits a few times a year with my adorable grandchildren. I don't have to answer to anyone and can set my own work schedule. My life isn't always easy but it's peaceful. If I get bored I go into town for a couple of hours. There are no meet up groups in my area. I would have to drive over an hour to attend a group and I'm not that motivated. I like the life I have now.
Not ready to date, and the meet ups tend to be dancing, running, hiking, things that are tough to keep up with a cane or a walker. I stick to my volunteer church and homeless stuff mostly.
Was saying I would have no idea how to find a single man to date if I ever wanted to. After all was said and done, it turns out my wasband was an alcoholic, porn and sex addict, so not interested in bar fly's, and the dating sites sound more like "how to hook up with dirty old men" rather than a way to meet like minded people. Gross.
If/when I meet someone I can be intimate emotionally with, I expect and want it to progress to a physical intimacy too, but that is NOT the starting point.
I guess I'm with you in that I don't have the desire to date right now. Kind of torn between wanting to heal enough to want to some day, and fearful and worried about the stress and chaos involved with wanting to date without good options to do so safely, without running into creeps and clowns.
Oy--- what a world.
I want to without clearing it with another. Maybe someday.
One young fellow wanted to get married after a couple of chats !
I think women do better alone than men. Or at least it looks that way to me. And as kamary said there is a
big trust issue with men. I have made too many wrong choices.
Thing is, when one starts dating, there is obviously the chance that you will meet someone who you think might be 'the one'. Maybe replace what you lost or possibly never had. Things might progress and before you know it BAM you're in a relationship.
But are you fully healed from divorce? I thought that I was but I now know better. I've been with my bf for 3 years now and it's been an up and down journey that, frankly, has exhausted me emotionally at times. I'm way more emotional when we experience difficulties, and sometimes I just want to cut and run. I NEVER had that experience in my marriage. But then I WAS married and circumstances are different. hmmm.
Of course we all know that relationships are not all fun and games. Even when you find a quality person, someone you might even love but most certainly want to spend time with (talking about dating here not marriage) you still need to make a huge emotional investment.
So ask yourself: am I ready for this? For you, it looks like a no, and you know it. Kudos to you! i've had to finish my healing process while in a new relationship, and ultimately I think it wasn't the best choice for me.
Food for thought for all you daters out there :)