Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

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llmt
llmt
Hello, I hemmed and hawed about joining this bc I wasn't married for over 20 years...13 to be exact but I was with my exH for 21, since I was 20. Thing that I think makes me different is that I have young children, 7 and 3 to be exact..yes had them at a later age, 34 and 38, respectively. I guess when you have been with someone so long, when does the pain end...I mean looking back at all the good times, I still cannot wrap my head around it some days (like today). I don't know....I don't ever see myself being that person for someone else again. I am sort of dating a man now, I think for the wrong reasons, but even if it's for the right ones, I dont' ever feel I want to give wholly to someone again. Does this make sense? I just cannot go thru this again.
sfsoccermom
sfsoccermom
Welcome! I, too, was only married 16 years, but we were together 26 before he left. This board is great. You will find the much needed support you need here. I wouldn't have survived to where I am now without the loving and kind people on this board.

I know for me it will also be difficult to give myself totally again, but others tell me that when the right one comes along, we will know.
dairytech
dairytech
How long your were married really doesn't matter...you were with him for 21 years and you have 2 small children...21 years is a really long time. I was married for 24...to me its almost a lifetime. I would like to welcome you to our group...you will find lots of support with this gang. They have been my life line for almost 2 years now. Perhaps you could share a bit more info...are you divorced or still in the process? Have you or your ex moved out? Big Hugs...Kathy
drtexdi
drtexdi
Welcome and I believe this is the group you would benefit from the most in your situation. I think soccer mom is right. You will just know when the time is right. In the mean time, enjoy your children and friends and don't let time with them escape. It's precious.
Diane
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
The length of the relationship is just part of the reason the pain seems to go on and on at times.When you have spent more than half your life in a relationship (good, bad or indifferent) you simply would NOT be human if you didn't have strong feelings about the divorce.

Getting past your past takes time and conscious effort. You have small children that certainly take up a lot of your time and mental energy -- they must come first. As far as a new relationship -- well, it's not something you can "make" happen. I figured that if it was meant to happen, it would, in its own good time.

Welcome to our group and I hope we can help you get through this.
Misred
Misred
We are already friends llmt, but welcome to the board. This is an awesome group of people and you will get good advice here. Stuff that some people have to pay lots of $$$ to hear. (((HUGS))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome to the group. So sorry to have you here.

You speak of pain. You are not over the relationship, yet. As you say, you are seeing someone now for all of the wrong reasons. Please rethink this. I know there are good feelings with this new relationship that you are starting, but I think you know inside the reasons for it. remember, you have two young children.

Each relationship and the feelings that go with them are different. You may have heard this a lot, but the pain does subside. You do find that your life is enriched. But this will take time and a bit of work. You will get to the point where you finally let your ex go and realize that you are whole once again. You will also find that you may be able to forgive one last time.

Friends is one thing, but I do advise that you wait to step into something more serious until you do feel that you are healthy and whole. Afterall, you are a precious gift. Don't you want that gift that you give to others to be the best it can be?