Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
So, my attorney will be calling today to discuss a response to my husband's agreement offer. As I've mentioned, my h basically cut all the big numbers - the alimony, the life insurance policy, etc. in half. How in the world does one respond to that? The numbers we prepared initially were all based on real expenses. I didn't just pick a number out of the air. I fear that my attorney is going to ask me to back down on what I'm asking for, just in the interest of finalizing the agreement. I can't. Doing that means a significant reduction of my quality of life, which is already nil and has been for a very long time. My closet is basically empty. I have some medical procedures that I cannot do because our deductible is so high($4,000) I would have to pay out of pocket and can't afford to do so. I can't afford to do anything at the moment. I had to sell two place settings of my mom's silver to make a car payment on time this month. The attorney has not asked for temporary support, thinking that the judge won't grant it because I've been able to survive on my own since Nov. But that's because I've put everything on the VISA card. Ugh. When will this nightmare be over?
This is good practice for you in SETTING BOUNDARIES! You must be strong in your conviction that what you are asking for IS reasonable and that YOU ARE WORTH IT. If your attorney is not in concurrence with what you want, then you need to find another one - quickly
My attny said that most judges look at this as a no win situation. They like things to be equal. So your alimony plus income should equal what he is going to be living on. That is how they typically determine alimony payment amounts.
Also assets dividied equally. Etc.
He told me "The judge doesn't want anyone to walk out thinking they won. If everyone is unhappy with the settlement then it is done right. No one should be happy".
Eleven months later she said to me, "You know, all through this you have never lost sight of your goal." And you know what--I got ALL of my retirement accounts intact.
So set your goal. If you believe the figures are fair, then tell your attorney that. Remember, he/she works for YOU. Don't fear going to trial. A lot of people do but sometimes that can be to your advantage. In front of a judge, your stbx is going to have to answer some hard questions about his finances.
If you think your offer is fair, then STAND ON IT and tell your ex you will see him in court. I bet any amount of money he will come in line pretty quickly with a settlement you can live with.
Sending hugs of strength.
First of all, it seems to me you don't have a good Lawyer. I am going thru court right now , because my ex refused to Deed to me a house the Judge deemed to be mine.My ex said " I am not signing it and I dare you do anything about!" .I had a Lawyer on his behind so fast he did know not what hit him! He signed the paper, even before the case made it to court.So you stand by your guns.
hugs
Goldengirl lives in an EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION state. To paraphrase the definition, it means that EQUITABLE isn't always EQUAL and there are many factors which a judge would have to take into consideration if an agreement cannot be reached between the divorcing parties.
Just sayin.