Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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mbstone 09/03/2011

I originally posted this on the celibacy and abstience forum but since some of you know me from my previous post. I wanted to get your thoughts...growing everyday and thanking GOD I am away from this low life of a man..Let me know what your thoughts are...by the way! I AM DOING SO MUCH BETTER:)

My ex-husband called tonight to check on my minor child. He stated that he has been sick and went to urgent care. He said "I don't know what I have and who knows maybe I have aids". I told him that I would hope he was protecting himself. He said, "You know what? If I found someone who I can be compatible with and we had the same goals, I wouldn't care if she had AIDS...you have to die sometime!!!!!" This is a man that I was married to for 20 years, had unprotected sex with his cousin's wife who in returned had a child out of his marriage. He told me he thought she "was safe"!!! In return I divorced him...What are your thoughts on this mentality??? By the way, I have been divorced from him for 3 years, seperated for 4 years and at 46 years old he is still the only man I have had sex with! At a loss on this one.....wow! Thanks for listening!

Misred 09/04/2011

IDK.....my EX told me his OW were clean but I found it odd that when he was in rehab they drove them all to the clinic for testing and he called all proud and happy to say he tested negative. I think they loose their minds.

dairytech 09/04/2011

His attitude smacks of self abuse. Anyone that would take that stand is filled with self loath. His comments to you were loaded and designed to inflict pain. You are so lucky to be away from this man. He is on a path of self destruct and he wont be able to take you down with him. I'm sorry he is treating you this way...you deserve so much more...Big Hugs...Kathy

lycesq 09/04/2011

He is an ass. Risking AIDS is crazy - it's a terrible disease and too many people have died from it. If that's his attitude, I agree that he must hate himself. This is nothing to take casually. I've lost too many friends to this disease.

Lynne

drtexdi 09/04/2011

Well, I have had an AIDS test 3 times in my life becuase of 2 cheating husbands. It's ridiculous. I too have never had sex with anyone except with the 2 men I married. It stinks that there are people who can have such little regard for their spouse (or anyone for that matter).

CowgirlKathi 09/04/2011

He is in total denial and he is an ass. I wouldn't waste another moment even thinking of him! Yuck!

hurtinandhealin2560 09/04/2011

Reminds me of my asshole ex, who refused to tell me whether or not he used a condom when he was screwing the skank ho/now wife. His response: "An AIDS test is nothing."

Attitudes like theirs is precisely why they will likely end up with something.

You can't fix stupid.

deleted_user 09/04/2011

I agree. I think if you aren't careful with STDs, you don't have a lot of self-worth. I always tell my kids that having unprotected sex is like playing Russian Roulette for this very reason. It works for them and they have been very responsible even to the point of celibacy. Now, if we can only get the mentality of these middle aged men and women to rise up to the level of a teenager, then all will be right with the world.

KRKing911 09/04/2011

LOL - hurtin - your right - you can't fix stupid!

JaMama 09/04/2011

I agree with the comments. I can't help but wonder if he is telling the truth or just trying to get some sympathy or to shock you.
I read a post that shared a tip on figuring out who trust, it was in Martha Stout's The Sociopath Next Door, but I thought it may be relevant here. Not saying we are dealing with sociopaths. She says to look out for guys that want pity. She says it is what they like best, crave the most and their most important tool for manipulation.

SusyP shared this-"When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad behavior or inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless persons forehead as you will ever be given.

I remember as I was coming out of the "fog" of my marriage I had to remind myself that he was such a liar that I shouldn't assume anything he told me was the truth.

deleted_user 09/04/2011

wow....just wow..... blatent retardation going on there .....

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