Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
After meeting with my attorney and financial planner this week, it was determined that we need to ask for permanent alimony. I am 56 and hoping to get back into the workforce but it is very, very difficult, as many of you may already know. Just because it's hard though doesn't mean it's impossible. So, I'm still trying. But, they felt like we should begin with permanent alimony and if we need to change it later, we can. At first, I thought this is OK. But, after thinking it through and imagining how it would work, I'm thinking no. One of the reasons I'm leaving him is because of the deceptive way he handles money. He's very sneaky. For example, he had us believing that money was extremely tight, for years. We took no vacations. We rarely went out to eat. If we did, he made us feel guilty about it. I bought no clothes. We basically had no life. And yet, when I saw his financial disclosure a few months ago, I was absolutely floored. He makes a ton a money! Had no idea. He took all the money that could been used on all the things mentioned above and put it away for my daughter's college education. Because of that, we're done saving for that and she's just a freshman! So, I was the casualty for sure and was so horrified. Those are years we can never get back. Anyway, I'm wondering now if it would just be a whole lot less stressful to just get a lump sum, instead of alimony, even though overall it would wind up being less money, just to get away from him and the stress and anxiety he causes. Would it be worth it??? Anyone have experience with taking just a lump sum?
You need a revenue stream you can count on and he doesn't sound like he will provide that.
I would speak to a financial planner about this. They have knowledge about these sorts of things.
If I had taken a lump sum I would have shorted myself by thousands of dollars and he agreed to tax free alimony. That saved me a lot of money that didn't have to go towards taxes.
It is better if you go into court with a signed agreement to be court approved. Add the clauses that Cowgirl Kathi and I mentioned. This divorce is the most important financial decision you will ever make. Don't short yourself out of what you have earned. You live in the same state I do? This is one of the best states for a woman to divorce and ask for alimony.
The advantage is court also sees he's been hoarding marital money. Good! That means he may have it available to pay you the "lump sum". Unlike most divorcing couples , there is no option of having its availability. Not unless he has some undisclosed big future money in the near future he's going to pocket, getting access is another story. True, taking CASH will be at a discount may alleviate headaches over time trying to collect.
COLLECTION is most always a problem to the other half the story. Do get your options.
Just remember that it should be fair to the both you ...Mostly you !
Don't forget that you need hospital insurance............. dental insurance..........
You may loose that when you get divorced.......
Plus.................. You must look beyond the present feelings ..........
Look into the your future. What you will need ...and deserve. .
Now is not the time to let your emotions get in the way of your well being ... your future.
It took me about four or five months ...maybe more before I was able to not let my emotion dictate
our negotiations. Today ..7 years later .. I'm so glad that I was able to do that .......
Good luck.. Timeman
From where I sit, you need to be asking for a cash settlement AND alimony. You are most certainly entitled to AT LEAST HALF of all marital assets, investments, retirement funds, IRAs, pensions, etc. That's just PART of settling up financially in divorce. The alimony is to provide you with a standard of living that is closer to what you enjoyed as part of a married couple (of course, your stbx sounds like a tightwad == so you just go ahead and figure up what your expenses are and what you anticipate they might increase over a 10 year period). You do live in an Equitable Distribution State and that's a good thing for you! Fair doesn't necessarily mean equal in those states and believe me, it's part of what saved my financial butt when I divorced Scrooge in 2007.
Yeah, you will be liable for paying income tax on any alimony you receive (unless you are able to negotiate it like Trisha did -- but that's very rare), but if you own a home and will be paying for your own medical insurance, it's not all that much. I managed to keep my tax profile very low during the 6 years that I collected alimony.
The biggest thing I had to figure out was the cost of on-going health insurance. I didn't have a "real" job and we had excellent, very cheap group coverage through the now-X's employer. Boy did I get a shock when I found out that same coverage was going to cost me close to $400 a month under the COBRA law. But it was Cadillac coverage with no deductibles and low co-pays AND FULL DENTAL BENEFITS. I would give my right arm to get that kind of coverage for that kind of price today. So make sure you look into that.
Also keep in mind that "permanent" or "indefinite" alimony DOES remain under the jurisdiction of the court to a degree. When your stbx retires, he can go to the court and ask for it to be lowered or even stopped. I don't see any man NOT trying to get long-term alimony reduced after a certain amount of time. You will also be able to collect an amount based on HIS Social Security if you don't remarry and you'll want to do this if his benefit amount will be more than yours. When they get old enough to collect SS, that's when a lot of these long-term alimony payers want to reduce the amount of alimony they are paying to divorced spouses.
Just sayin'
The Family Court may review and approve all agreements which bear on the issue of alimony or separate maintenance and support, whether brought before the court in actions for divorce from the bonds of matrimony, separate maintenance and support actions, or in actions to approve agreement where the parties are living separate and apart. The failure to seek a divorce, separate maintenance, or a legal separation does not deprive the court of its authority and jurisdiction to approve and enforce the agreements. The parties may agree in writing if properly approved by the court to make the payment of alimony as set forth in items (1) through (6) of subsection (B) nonmodifiable and not subject to subsequent modification by the court.
I didn't want to copy all the technical stuff and take up so much space. items 1 through 6 cover the six forms of alimony in SC. Which also includes permanent alimony.
From what I read and we all suggest doing. A written agreement between the divorcing parties and court approved with the non modifiable clause gives you more protection. IF the court has to award the alimony then that can be modified and the payments lowered or even done away with.
Just like insurance policies, the law is written so you can barely understand it.
I know you (Trish) are glad to be done with dependency upon the now-X. I am, too. Six years was long enough even though mine didn't give me any trouble and was never EVER late.