When I was a little girl, my parents taught me certain key principles that I've tried to live by my entire life. I wasn't always successful, mind you, but I did try to abide by them. Among them was the edict to be honest and genuine, never to lie or cheat. Well, I am human, after all, so I have done my fair share of blurring the lines with little white lies, as my mother referred to them, and following my own interpretation of certain ambiguous rules. But, for the most part, I have tried to follow what I was taught. These tenets became so intrinsic in my life that when I witnessed or experienced wrong doing, I would often experience unpleasant physical and emotional responses. I've been called out, more than a few times, on my tendency to honor the rules, even when others do not. Before now, I never saw this as a negative.

Once your children enter the education system, your radar for injustice goes into overdrive. You begin to see all the myriad ways that individuals and entire systems fail to honor these commandments. You do what you can to protect your children from the injustices, and you teach them to honor the codes as you have been so taught. The pain comes when you watch your child suffer the mistreatment of his peers, the chastisement of ignoble adults in positions of authority, and the neglect of systems supposedly designed to protect children from harm, all because you taught them to stand and fight for what is right. I watched my kids suffer at the hands of other kids whose parents supported their brutish behavior while the educators in charge turned their heads and did nothing. What always followed were questions from my kids about why they had to follow the rules and be kind when others didn't and they got away with it. I had a hard time answering those questions, and I still do.

Yesterday, a group of colleagues and I reported a clear case of academic cheating to our lab coordinator in my organic chemistry class. The offenders were using lab reports from previous students to complete their own labs in less than half the time of the rest of the class and with perfect scores. The coordinator, a very nice young man, said he figured something was up but that he was powerless to do anything about it. We were dumbfounded. None of us could believe his stance given that we've had the purported ramifications of academic dishonesty crammed down our throats for years. In theory, you can be expelled, permanently, for cheating. In the very least, you can have your grade reduced or be forced to repeat a class. Nevertheless, nothing will be done to the cheaters. Nothing.

As I walked away from that exchange, incredulous no doubt, I couldn't help but see the parallels to men and women who cheat on their spouses and seem to get away with it. They wreck havoc on our very souls and yet emerge with their new lives and new partners seemingly unscathed. I think this is one of the most difficult paradoxes for us, the injured parties, to endure and accept. There is no justice in it, none whatsoever. Perhaps karma later pays a visit to some and dispenses her unique form of justice. But, we rarely ever see or even know about these events, if they happen at all. Inevitably, we are left to wonder if there is such a thing as justice at all. I know from my perspective, it was hard for me to accept that my ex and the OW were parading around in my church as if what they were doing was perfectly acceptable. The church agreed to marry them, in spite of their adulterous affair. My ex's family members did what they do best - swept these indiscretions under the rug so they can continue to look down their noses at others from their perches of self-righteousness. At times, the anger inside me threatened to boil over. A few times it did. Then, I knew I needed to change my perspective.

Justice is an arbitrary term. What one person deems just is completely nefarious in the eyes of another. I've learned that a heightened sense of injustice can be a hallmark of someone struggling to gain control in a helpless situation. It can also be a sign of victim mentality and bitterness. I know because I've been there. I suffered, and still do to an extent, from PTSD as a result of the trauma of my ex's cruelty and sudden departure. Many of you here have, likewise, suffered. Some of you still do. This disorder keeps you in an endless loop of fight, flight, and bitterness. To break the vicious cycle, I did daily meditations, affirmations, read books, talked to my therapist, and rallied against the pain as much as I could. It was a long and arduous process, but it has helped me to see that fairness is a man-made ideal. It doesn't exist in nature. I've learned that the sooner I could accept unfairness and injustice in life, the quicker I could heal and bounce back from my divorce.

Apparently, these hard won lessons have taken root, and I'm very grateful. As I walked to my car yesterday, I felt a sense of acceptance wash over me. I know what those other students are doing isn't right, just like I know what my ex and the OW did wasn't right. But, I refuse to allow their behavior to erode my peace. I'm far from perfect, but I will continue to honor what I've been taught in spite of the lack of fairness. I have to live with me, and I like the version of me with integrity, honesty, and authenticity. That's reason enough for me.

For those of you still struggling with injustice, try to let it go. It makes a huge difference in your ability to move on with clarity and peace.

Hugs and love to you all!
Kim