Yep, I hear you , I like doing the same with my h ( hurting part) last time I spoke to him, told him what a low life all his friends think he is and how i dont think his sons should be keeping in touch with him as he is not exactly a 'role mode father' , however i did add, i would not stop them , but would not encourage them should they wish not to. he adores his sons and i know this is his weak point. also told him i was told by all and sundry, do not trust him he will steal all the money, change names on the account etc, that part i know hit him hard, being the kind of person he is. and guess what i enjoyed it, so yes i am sure it is normal and yes it FEELS GOOD!!

I so want to spew venom, so I understand! I miss my bonds of what I thought were trusted!

it's just not fair that they can walk away so easily. is it? My oldest has a birthday coming up. if good old dad goes by his norm he will text him "happy birthday son. I love you" he did that before when he left. But my son already said he had no intention of acknowledging him. He will be 25. How can I tell an adult who to talk to? I told him it is his decision. But he's made it so I said nothing else. The 23 year old has decided the same. I did nothing to make them decide this. They went with what they saw and heard their dad do. Once again his loss. Cause these are 2 of the best things that could ever happen to a family. They are both awesome. Maybe because we have spent the majority of their loves as the 3 of us plus 1 when he felt like being here.

I am so sad for us!

My kids responded the same way at first. As time went by the anger subsided and they forged a loving relationship with there father. In a way..it was easier on me when they were angry. ((((HUGS))))...to all of you who are just starting on this horrible journey...its a tough one...Big Hugs...Kathy

What you "newcomer" ladies are experiencing is normal -- the wanting them to hurt part..
Take it from one who has been there and done all that, the LONGER you keep dwelling on what HE may be thinking and what HE may be feeling, the longer it will be until YOU start to move forward in your healing.

As to your indignation about the way the runaway husbands are ignoring their families and children, what you describe is not at all unusual -- at least early on. As dairytech has said, this is more likely to change with time.In the meantime, NOTHING you say or do is going to make a difference, so I suggest that you stay as far out of it as possible.

THIS is the place to spew venom when you feel it welling up. Your words are completely wasted on your stbx and, trust me, you need to MINCE YOUR WORDS around HIS FAMILY because they, too, may have a "change of heart" before this is all over. Be polite, but don't ASSUME that they are going to stay close to you. Blood is almost always thicker than water and you don't want to give them any ammunition that could be used against your character later on.

Yes, it's a sad state of things, BUT remember -- they left due to their own decisions and actions and THEY will suffer the consequences of such. Make sure that you keep the focus on YOU now -- do what I did. Make the divorce ALL ABOUT YOU -- your needs and wants -- hang tough. It DOES GET BETTER!

It is shocking how easily some people can walk away from what we thought was a relationship. Now we know we were mearly a convenience. That realization made me feel like I had been kicked in the gut. My family a fantasy? tell me it isn't so.

The kids will figure things out on their own. Their dad is a coward and conditional. My X will do similar things like not see the kids for a week and text them I love you. X lives across the street from the school my son goes to. When I am on my way to pick son up I see Xs truck in the YMCA parking lot. I see it for what it is now. He starves you for attention so when you get a little it means too much.

Anyway, as my therapist says, "you spent 23 years with him, how much more time are you going to give him?" It isn't hard to let him go, it's letting go of the life I built for my family, it was a good life except for a grouchy, miserable, pouting, shouting, smelly, aggressive, verbally and physically abusive physician officer. Why did I assume a smart guy was a caring, mature guy? I don't know why but I did. I assumed his smarts meant he was loving not looney, in spite of the way he acted, (childlike, in a terrible 2 kind of way). Oh, and he lies like no tomorrow. I believed the lies.

It isn't fair, you are right. You can get through this anyway. Since when do WE need a level playing field to succeed?
Peace and Hugs!

He's not worth the real estate in your head - I know, he's squatting there right now - but you have to put a stick of dynamite under his ass and get him out of there.

He's not going to suffer emotionally because he's just not capable of it. Maybe someday in the far far away future, remorse may cross his mind, but it will be fleeting...

Selfish, cowardly sociopath narcissists just don't have it in them.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but it's a new life for you - count your blessings - he did you a favor.

sorry for the kids too - but you can't control that. Time will tell what happens there..

I agree with you all. I know it is a time issue. My therapist told me I need to HELP me instead of "leaving" myself when I hurt. That is taking a little practice but I think I am doing it. I just need to hit something (or someone like stbx). It just builds up sometimes til I can't stand it. I try to go on day to day and act like it isnt inside but when all alone it comes out. I get angry at myself because he doesnt deserve the tears. But it hurts more I think for what it's done to those who love him. My sons don't deserve a dad like him. Thank god they having a loving side from their mom.
I wish his family would say the things to HIM that they say to ME about him. Grow up! Accept your responsibilities. Quit running! But it's his family so that's the way they are. Pussy footing around the problem. HIM!!!!