Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I am the one whose ex spouse left on a weekend to return to his girlfriend from 22 yrs ago. He left it all here in NY and went to Florida and has now married his childhood sweetheart. After half of my life being married to him and thinking you know somebody it turned out to be the complete opposite. But that is life and i cant change it. I am in a relationship with somebody else and it is serious. He is a wonderful man who treats me the way i always wanted my ex to treat me. He is attentive and emotionally involved in everything i do. He too has suffered infidelity with his ex wife so we understand each others pain. My problem: Everybody says there is a healing process and i understand it. But do we and will we ever get over our pain? I dont believe so. I think to some degree we get better and move on but to completely heal? Impossible. That pain to some degree will stay with you as it HAS affected your life; your way of thinking, and other things. I dont believe you ever get over it like it never happened. Anybody agree? It has now been 2 years since my separation and will be one year in October since my final divorce and at times I still grieve and hurt over this situation. I feel anger, resentment etc. and other days I am fine.
I left 3 years ago, I escaped with my children and we are free! The kids are not free from his anger, manipulation, guilt, power/control, but I am! I couldnt change anything about him while there, I certainly cannot change what he still does to them.
They are old enough to know the difference with him, they are old enough that they will have to speak up! or let it be how it is. They have a choice now!
I still get mad inside a few times at him for the things he says to them. but I move away from it after awhile. I journal it out and still am in disbelief of his actions over there, in his new life with her. He is like a complete stranger to myself and to my children. Mr wonderful over there! my children even said this is not our dad we know! your not breaking things, screaming, no egg shells, calling her names, leaving bruises etc.... of course he cried, his gf didnt believe their words. whatever.
Time does heal it! It does go away! Our hearts do mend! our chest do heal! our negatives turn to positives within our own lives! I have been seperated 3 years, divorce for almost 2 of those! I am in a new relationship, have been for 7 months, he is Mr wonderful! the complete opposite of my ex. everything my ex wasnt! there really are real men out there. lol it shocked me, still amazes me!
All those 23 years I wasted! then the 3 more wasted on anger! I waste no more time, no more sadness for him! he hasnt changed any! she will see that in time! his normal spots will return, then shes in trouble! I dont wish him to physically hurt her, but I cannot wait til she sees the real ex he is!
Hang in there! one day, as with myself, there will be nothing left for them. no sadness of anything, no anger, no resentment, nothing! this I know! Hugs to ya!