Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi all, I know I signed out of this group but I have a dilema with my kids and moving. I have 2 young adults. One in college on campus most of the year and the other lives with me most of the year.
Most of you know I am struggling financially. I don't get any spousal support (for now) from my X because he is not working. I am working 57 hours a week to try and keep a roof, food and all life's necessities for me and my kids. They support themselves with part time jobs while attending college full time. They don't ask me for money for gas, food or their own entertainment. Even so, I am barely squeaking by on my check.
I've started looking for a new place to rent. I have to accomodate all three of us but finding something cheaper and still nice is pretty much impossible. They are digging in their heals about moving. They both have their own reasons and are adament about not moving.
My dilema......I found a place that can accomodate us for now and it saves me $350 a month in rent. It's smaller too so all the other utilities will be cheaper as well. But my daughter won't have a real room to herself. It's more of an office room. 6 x 8 maybe enough room for a twin bed and tv stand or dresser. It also has no door or closet in there. But at the same time she is gone away at college most of the time.
My son would have his own room, but right now he has the whole basement where we are living and this would be a drastic change for him as well squeezing everything into a 10 x 12 bedroom. His friends come over all the time right now and this new place would not have room for that. So drastic changes for both of them.
It's a nice condo but my daughter thinks it's a "piece of crap". Compared to where we live right now, everything pales in comparison for the price. But.....$350 a month savings is a lot of money to me.
What do I do........they have been so absolutely wonderful with me this past year. My rock and unwaivering support and love from both of them. We are HAPPY here. They both have their own space and I'm afraid my daughter won't feel she's important at the new condo if I try to squeeze her into this 6 x 8 room. Like she's an after thought because she's not there every day.
Do I trade our happiness and space for $350 a month? We've already moved this year.... do I move again and then again in another year or tough it out here. I know eventually they will both move out and then I can get something more affordable for just me. Also, 2x a year I do get to go to friend of the court to get money from my spouse, when he gets a job. He HAS to get a job eventually so this financial mess is only temporary.
My landlord already came down $200 a month so I think asking him to come lower is wishful thinking.
I'm in a state of anxiety over this. Any advice you give would be welcomed.
Most of you know I am struggling financially. I don't get any spousal support (for now) from my X because he is not working. I am working 57 hours a week to try and keep a roof, food and all life's necessities for me and my kids. They support themselves with part time jobs while attending college full time. They don't ask me for money for gas, food or their own entertainment. Even so, I am barely squeaking by on my check.
I've started looking for a new place to rent. I have to accomodate all three of us but finding something cheaper and still nice is pretty much impossible. They are digging in their heals about moving. They both have their own reasons and are adament about not moving.
My dilema......I found a place that can accomodate us for now and it saves me $350 a month in rent. It's smaller too so all the other utilities will be cheaper as well. But my daughter won't have a real room to herself. It's more of an office room. 6 x 8 maybe enough room for a twin bed and tv stand or dresser. It also has no door or closet in there. But at the same time she is gone away at college most of the time.
My son would have his own room, but right now he has the whole basement where we are living and this would be a drastic change for him as well squeezing everything into a 10 x 12 bedroom. His friends come over all the time right now and this new place would not have room for that. So drastic changes for both of them.
It's a nice condo but my daughter thinks it's a "piece of crap". Compared to where we live right now, everything pales in comparison for the price. But.....$350 a month savings is a lot of money to me.
What do I do........they have been so absolutely wonderful with me this past year. My rock and unwaivering support and love from both of them. We are HAPPY here. They both have their own space and I'm afraid my daughter won't feel she's important at the new condo if I try to squeeze her into this 6 x 8 room. Like she's an after thought because she's not there every day.
Do I trade our happiness and space for $350 a month? We've already moved this year.... do I move again and then again in another year or tough it out here. I know eventually they will both move out and then I can get something more affordable for just me. Also, 2x a year I do get to go to friend of the court to get money from my spouse, when he gets a job. He HAS to get a job eventually so this financial mess is only temporary.
My landlord already came down $200 a month so I think asking him to come lower is wishful thinking.
I'm in a state of anxiety over this. Any advice you give would be welcomed.
If your children are reasonable and understanding, they will quickly see the seriousness of your deliemma.
If THEY are the ones who seem to want the nicer digs, THEY should help brainstorm and implement ways to afford it! Otherwise you have no guilt in protecting yourself.
When my Ex was 16 and kept asking for money, his (ironically single due to divorce!) mother sat him down, showed him the budget and checkbook. He quit asking for money and got a job.
I understand doing without for our children; I do it also. However, we must also teach them to live within their means. Sometimes our means just aren't as nice as we'd like!
If they can pitch in the help make it work, great!
I am sorry it is at this point! It will all work out! I hope they can see where their father's decisions have put them!
Love and hugs and good luck!
Where ever you go - will be home. That's everything. It won't be too long and the kids lives will change also. In the mean time you have to take care of you and them. They know that - you know that. I think moving would take some pressure off of everyone right now. Do what you think is best. Big hugs.
I want to give my kids the best. My husband, like yours, hasn't contributed and I don't anticipated anything continuing as he remains unemployed (yet is employable). I have an upcoming discussion as I've a 17 year now applying for colleges next year. This deals with realities in what I can now realistically provide and the amount of student loans she will now have to incur (as much as I'd always wanted to avoid this). But -- I know I've got to do it.
I hope this all works out for you. Nan said it nicely -- wherever you go will be home.