The problem IS HIS THINKING.

Hi Kelly, I can relate I am always remembering and longing for the "good times" we shared. I feel so lonely and out of place right now

Make your own good times with your kids. Do a cookout with your kids without him. Make the evening fun and don't focus on him not being there. I know that's easier said than done, but I think its one of those things were the more you do it, the easier its gonna get.

AMEN!

I miss my family too. It is not easy in these early days. My teenagers have retreated to their rooms for the most part, leaving me all alone. We are leaving on vacation next week, it is a vacation that we planned together. I cant believe I will be doing it without him.

I also miss my family. The divorce has created division and I haven't had my three kids together at my place or anywhere in 4 1/2 years. I miss that. I don't miss him but I do miss all the things we did as a family.

I too miss my family terribly. Doing things together, etc. We are all still living in the same house which makes it difficult. Just tonight, we all sat down to dinner together. The outside appearance would be that we are a family, but in reality, we are a shattered family. I look at my children and hate what he has chosen to do to them, our family. While I own my part in the problems of our marriage, he single handedly & cowardly made the decision to end it, of course he still wont get out or help support his children. I wonder when & if that "missing of what was, what always was suppose to be, what holidays & celebrations were suppose to be" ever goes away?

My kids fly in once a year and we all bunk down in my tiny house. It's a bit like a camp out inside but no one minds, its only for a few days and it's great. We don't really miss him anymore nor the more comfortable accommodation.

Could have written your post-several of us could have. I'm trying to go ahead and do the same things without him-whatever I can handle.

I also could have written this post. Over the last four years, I have created a new "family" with just the kids and myself. Once you step out of your comfort zone and know that you do not need him to be a family, you will feel so much better. I am one here with younger kids at the time he left, and it was difficult. Been through alot with them. But in the end, they know I am mom, love them unconditionally, and have given them some of the best memories in their lives now. It was my exes' choice to leave, not mine. I wasn't going to let him destroy what a family meant to me. He just wasn't included anymore. Family is still there.

"I would have done whatever was necessary to keep our family together" suggest that your stbx has not and acknowledges your awareness. You may later come to terms knowing the distinction between the actual man who drops the ball and the man you wished to be can be harmful. Reality is very hard to perceive yet it is designed to protect you.

Hi Kelly - I don't know your story, perhaps you are new to the site (I am not a veteran but been here since fall 2011!) but you sound to me like you are perhaps in the early days, still grieving loss. This is normal. You have had a terrible loss. One day, maybe not that long in your future, you will not see it as a 'loss' but as a monumental turning point in your new life.

I remember when member here would tell me that one day I would be better off, that I would be happy again...but I could not see it. I tried so hard to believe, though,and this got me through. So write about your loss and what you are missing, but remember to journal about what is good and honest and true in your life. The love of your family, the support of friends, perhaps some spiritual support that you've received.

It won't always be like this. I 100% guarantee that if you take care of yourself, do the hard work to re-build, you will be rewarded with happiness again. It won't feel like loss, but just change. And change happens! Best!