My stbx has said all i ever cared about was his wallet, please...
Im not looking to take anymore than what is fair!
I guess my stbx thought everything i did all those years was a magic trick and i did nothing...
Like you i raised the kids he should be very damn proud of but no he wont even speak to them, he has walked away from us all.

Mbstone, I don't know where they get off with the criticisms and the reluctance to honour responsibilities. It's all part of their problem in the first place, isn't it? If you can't win by using your attorney to get money from him, maybe the contacts need to be by email or texts rather than face-to-face or voice calls?

I don't really know much about this as we didn't have many joint accounts to pay. Having said that, he doesn't let any chance to get money out of me go by. Be aware that he will want to make life difficult for you even though he's the one at fault in the breakdown of the relationship. Be as ready as you can. Learn all about you rights and talk to your attorney about how to make him pay his share.

Vent here as much as you like. I understand fully about being made to feel you have no worth. Maintain your own integrity and take the high road. What comes around goes around in the end.

love and hugs
kamary xx

If you let it go once, he will likely continue not to pay things, particularly if he thinks it's not in the decree.

Talk to your attorney. Sound like he might have to be slapped with a contempt charge to wake him up.

What a cheapskate! I can understand why you're glad to be rid of him.

Hugs!

I'm with hurtin on this. Do not let him off the hook. Legally...here in Canada if you let these things go often enough it could set precedence. Perhaps you could collect them for a year and send them to him all at once. This could be something you could come to agreement on just to avoid the hardship of regular contact. Just a thought.

When my ex and I got back together we bought a little house by the ocean. The deal was...he paid the mortgage and I bought the groceries, paid the utilities,cable and insurances. When he wanted out the 2nd time I wanted bought out of the house. He was furious I would ask that of him. He truly believed I had no right to half because he paid the mortgage...OMG....its true ya know....you really cant fix stupid! Big Hugs...Kathy

I am sorry he is being an jerk. You have to know he is being a jerk and not to take anything he says about you as the truth. It may be his truth, but it is pretty screwed up.

I hope you can get him to pay his fair share.

The further along in the process of divorce I get the more I recognize this behavior was there in my X from the start. In my case I know it won't change. sincethe divorce he has gone back on his word and been difficult to work with in anyway possible. I think it is about control. That he doesn't have much anymore. Your X may be exerting control too. Just because that is all he knows how to do.

You know you are sane when what he does is not making sense to you. It's a good sign, a very good sign that you are healthy.

mbstone - what a JERK! You are so much better off without him. That said, HE MUST PAY! Better not to talk to him about it - it is a real drag to have to pay for a legal letter, but better to do it once to avoid lost co-pays in the future and the problems that will surely accompany this.

My jerk stbx took my entire china collection last weekend. He had questioned it's value for financial accounting of our assets. It is not extremely collectable but good stuff, and he wanted to value it to show parity with the thousands of dollars worth of tools in his workshop! It is nowhere near that value. I was so mad and hurt, that I emailed him before xmas and said thay he could have half the china, that it was not 'mine' but 'ours' anyway.

When it came time to split it, I had already packed it all in one box for the sale of the house, so put the entire box in his 'shop' with his other stuff with a note that this was the entire collection and he could have it.......I did this thinking, he WOULD NOT TAKE IT! How stupid of me. Of course he took it. THe man took my china! What an ass. I'm not even going to check ebay....I walked right into that one! NEVER expect them to be DECENT if they've already shown their stripes.

That's MY fair share story - I can't regret what I walked right into! Don't make my mistake MB!

Don't you dare let him get away with that. You stick to your guns! Just take what he owes you out of what your asking him for. If it's more, tell him he owes you.

Don't let him take advantage of you.

Thanks ladies for the advice and personal stories. You are awesome It can just be so difficult working with this man even when it comes to issues regarding our daughter’s doctor bills. We are talking about a man who disposed of items prior to the marriage, took his children’s college accounts and places materialistic crap about his relationship with anyone. I am seriously considering taking him back to court over the disposed materials too! He just is not the man I married. Truly sad for my children but glad he is out of my life

I meant prior to the divorce

Get a ledger. Put what the bill is. How much you pay and how much he does. Keep what he owes you our of what you owe him. Give him the balance with a note.
Forget being upset you yelled. Where is it written you have to take his crap? No place. Don't take it. I took it for far too long. I just love these people who throw it in your face you didn't buy groceries. oh boy.
Keep standing up for yourself.

mbstone:
I'm a bit late with this response as I was on the road most of last week and didn't take time (or get notices) of new discussion topics. But here's my two cents....

You wrote: "This is a man who has no integrity what so ever if you have to sleep with your cousin’s wife and destroy not only your family but his cousins."

My observation? You are still not the point where you can LET GO OF what brought about the demise of your marriage. Until you can do that, every little thing is going to set you off. You are divorced. You have a financial settlement agreement. You must DETACH yourself from the whys and wherefores and approach this money issue for what it really is -- A FINANCIAL AGREEMENT and nothing more.

Yes, he's a cheapskate. Yes, he's still playing the blame game. HOWEVER, he has a FINANCIAL OBLIGATION to keep up. You keep paying what you are supposed to pay and if he refuses or drags his feet, talk to your attorney. Sometimes all it takes is a single well-worded paragraph to light a fire under an X's sorry behind!

As for you, I pray that you will move beyond the anger and hurt soon! It does take time, distance and minimal contact in order to get there. And you WILL get there.

Yep, Kathi is right. It is just a financial agreement. Nothing more. Don't allow him to talk you out of what he owes and that is what he is trying to do with this "you didn't contribute" nonsense. It is time to get tough and don't allow him any space in your brain or heart!!

Woah what an ass!! I have no respect or time for anyone who makes their issue greater than that of supporting sick children OR refusing to support as some freakish control game grrrr gets me blood boiling. Take his ass to court and watch him squirm as he's ordered to pay his fair share. If he's not going to be mature and take responsibility then let the court force his hand, jeepers how can these guys sleep at night.

You didn't lower yourself hun, I have no doubt you're a super person but you're human, you probably did what we all would've done. He's lucky that's all he got lol.

I love what dairytech said "OMG....its true ya know....you really cant fix stupid"

Dairytech: BAAHAHAHAHA!!! you're awesome :)