Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I knew my wife was cheating on me there was no doubt about that. I thought it was with a guy she worked with. But apparently 2 days after we were divorced she asked our 3 sons to go bowling with her, when they got there the guy that she's been having the affair with was there with his kids! My boys weren't happy about this, but they stayed for a couple of games. None of the kids said anything to me about this, until my son brought a grcery list to the house that my wife had given him. I saw the list and it had the guys name on it, with the time she was suppose to meet him. I asked my son about it and he told me this guy is over there all the time. I look back now and see all the signs. My wife works for the school and this guys on the School board. She would get calls from him and always go to the other room. I'd ask what he wanted and she'd say it was School business. Never thought it was him she was with when she disappeared for hours or spent nights in motel rooms just to get away and think. We live in a small town and I know I will see him. how do I react to this. Truth is when I found out I called and told him exactly what he was and what I was going to do to him. But later called and told him he can have her and suffer and she can suffer in her own mind. I forgot to mention she had him and his kids over to her place for thanksgiving with my kids! I can't believe she's being so bold about all this. She did finally admit that he was the one all along. And people in town knew about it and nobody said a word to me.
Take the high road. Have faith. The pain she has caused will circle back around and blindside her when she least suspects it.
I wanted to tell you that each day it does get better and you begin the journey of realizing that we did what our vows and God asked of us, and we will trust him to reward us accordingly. I trust and believe that reply 1 is the TRUTH, we reap what we sow!!! God bless!
I would say at some point, they will both get into hot water. All you can do is move forward, keep building and maintaining a good relationship with your kids, and work on you.
Sending healing hugs!
It's hard to move forward, and the pain can be intense. But we never know who we will meet. My brother who has a cheating exwife recently found the true love of his life. He is now so happy and glad his first wife is out of his life. He didn't go looking for his new love, it was a chance encounter. But it's so wonderful seeing him being loved and appreciated the way he should have always been treated.
Wish you the very best, wh! Hoping you will find someone who will appreciate you and treasure marriage the way it should be. God bless.
I had a few people admit to seeing my ex with others when I first left him, too. One woman I had only met for the first time asked me who my stbx was, and on telling her, she said, "Oh yes, he had an affair, didn't he?" and this was before he revealed the ow! I didn't believe her, even then. It's not stupidity. It's trust. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I think people choose to stay out of other people's business. It would be if my best friend or member of my family knew and didn't tell me, that I'd be upset.
love and hugs
kamary
Let's face it, it they would have died instead, it would be so much easier. But our destiny didn't go that way. I believe that as hurtful and devastating as it is, it could be and usually is, an opportunity for a new direction. No one knows what the future holds but when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
I have found a totally new and different career and have never been happier or busier in my work life. My finances are in good shape and who knows my personal life might follow at some stage. I don't think about it....I just DO.
I agree that as the old chapter ends, a new chapter begins. Full of all kinds of possibilities for love, success, and happiness!
I try to pretend he is dead. He is dead to me. The man I loved and planned my life around is long gone. He does have a look alike walking about. He's mean and angry all the time. I don't like him
During the 18 Months of Hell it took to divorce the lying, cheating coward I actually HOPED that he would simply drop dead. I would have gotten EVERYTHING instead of having to fight him tooth and nail for what was rightfully mine.
The MOMENT the divorce was final, I started PRAYING for him to stay ALIVE & HEALTHY so there wouldn't be a problem collecting the Big Bucks Alimony for the ensuing 6 years.
Now that's all over with (and I MUST mention that the dumbshit send me one month too much in Alimony -- and I wasn't about to tell him) I could care less. I don't wish him any ill will, but I have no desire and no need to be in contact with him for ANYTHING ever again.
Time is the great healer. Give yourself lots of time on all of this and try not to overthink the end of the marriage. It is what it is and as time goes by, it won't matter much anymore. Life goes on....and it just gets better!
and it is set up so you feel shame....
silence is endorsement, comes a time to sing.....
.........no, really there will come a time to speak to your kids so they see that you are a man about "doing the right thing, not doing a slelfish want thing that fricks evrybody else,
Don't be surprised when she boldly jump hoops trying to make her seemingly happy illusions to be socially accepted.